<p>My roommate and I have been getting along incredibly well thus far and have become good friends extremely quickly... Our only bump in the road came at the end of this week, when she invited a guy over to our room, without my permission, and asked me to leave so they could hook up... at 1 in the morning when I had an 8 AM class. Obviously, I wasn't happy about it. I would've been fine with it had she asked me first and not told me that he was coming over as he was standing at our door... I would've gladly made arrangements to go elsewhere for the evening. But she didn't and I was p!ssed. So I did something that I'm not exactly proud of. I texted this guy, who has a hugely obnoxious crush on my roommate, told him what was going on and suggested that he go into the room and break it up. Obviously, he wasn't happy that she was hooking up with someone that wasn't him and he went into a blind rage. But he came to me and told me that he'd already been in the room and she kicked him out. (He was also drunk, for the record.) Then it ended. They finished whatever it was that they were doing, the guy left, and I went back into my room. I was honest and told her that next time I'd appreciate it if she let me know what was going on before it happened, but I left out the part about texting the other guy... partly because I knew I shouldn't have done it, and partly because it was a nonissue... he had been in the room before I asked him to go in.</p>
<p>We both came home for the long weekend this weekend, and left on good terms. But she just texted me asking if I was the one who sent the other guy into our room that night. It hadn't occurred to me that he would tell her anything about my request, especially since his going into the room was not a result of my asking... but she's not happy.</p>
<p>I didn't want to make it a "thing" and cause problems between us, so now I have no idea what to say to her. How do I respond? Do I tell her the truth?</p>
<p>Re-evaluate your life and how you treat people. Your room mate probably did not anticipate bringing this guy back, so obviously couldn’t have warned you previously. You should have just been a good room mate and sucked it up and asked her to pay you back later. Instead, you were a jerk. </p>
<p>Texting the other guy was stupid, irresponsible, and spiteful. You’re lucky he didn’t seriously hurt someone in his state of rage. You made this a “thing” by involving this other guy. </p>
<p>Your roommate would have be stupid to not suspect you of informing the other guy. You have to decide what the next move will be to deal with the situation. You could choose to be honest. Explain that you were extremely angry when she kicked you out of the room without concern that you had an 8:00 class the next morning. Apologize for your stupid act of spite and revenge for texting the other guy. Tell her that it was out of character for you to so such a thing and it will never happen again. Set some ground rules on visitors in the room. Suggest that the two of you start out with a clean slate when you get back from the long weekend.</p>
<p>You handled the situation poorly. Stop the drama and face situations head on without involving other people. If you didn’t want to leave the room that night, you should have said something then and there. Don’t put on a smile and then backstab the person.</p>
<p>Tell the truth. Explain your feelings. Listen to her feelings. Acknowledge her feelings. Apologize. Communicate. Compromise.</p>
<p>you’re the only one who knew about the hookup. she would be a dumbass not to automatically assume you were responsible for telling the guy
also, what you did was okay. this doesn’t seem like drama to me. your roommate was a jerk that night, at least the guy you texted wasn’t drunk, and nysmile is wrong, although you should’ve stayed in the room and protested about having early class</p>
<p>^Yeah, she probably knows it was you who told him. Like Nysmile said, you two need to talk with each other honestly and come to a compromise (set down rules for the room when it comes to guests, curfew, and all that jazz). It doesn’t hurt to apologize first. Next time, just be firm with a “No.” answer so you won’t get kicked out of the room. And if she still breaks the agreed curfew and ‘time limits’ for guests, talk to your R.A. </p>
<p>On that note–why does it seem like it’s only the guys that go to the girl’s room to do things? >.>;; I’ve only heard of bfs sleeping over in their gf’s room, not vice versa…</p>
<p>Both of you made mistakes. Based on the generally good relations you and your roommate had in the past, it’s time to put this behind and move on.</p>
<p>Apologize to your roommate in person, have both sides share everything, conclude it, and never look back.</p>
<p>Be honest with her – you wronged her and it clearly affected her and she knows about it. Tell her and ask for forgiveness, the same forgiveness you extend to her.</p>
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<p>You and I clearly have very different ideas of what constitutes a good roommate.</p>
<p>You definitely shouldn’t have texted that guy and told him to come over; doing so was mean, reckless, and foolish. Just talk to your roommate at the earliest opportunity; call her if you don’t have the cojones to do so in person.</p>
<p>This whole things is basically because of a miscommunication between you and your roomie. It seems like you both should add this rule to your list: Alert beforehand. It was all because she didn’t tell you that she was going to have a guy over. But what you did, by involving the other guy, was wrong. If it’s between the 3 of you (you, roomie and the guy she hooked up with), keep it that way. Don’t involve anyone else. </p>
<p>But just confess up, so there’s no bad blood between you two. You’re gonna be together for the next 8 months.</p>
<p>So you’re the bad room mate. Everyone wants their room mate to be compatible and not be a drag, but nobody wants to do this themselves. When you’re room mate has an unplanned hook up and wants the room, you should have an arrangement for this sort of circumstance. If you didn’t because you’re a cow and never talked about this possibility with your room mate, then it’s your own fault. You should then tell your room mate that you should be paid back or work something out and make plans so this inconvenience doesn’t happen in the future, but you should also be a good sport and find somewhere else to go. It’s college. Not a big deal. One night won’t kill. I’ve stayed in a half dozen different NYU dorm rooms in late night crashes with people I hardly knew. Nobody cares.</p>
<p>Instead, the OP - probably out of jealously more than inconvenience - decided to pull a childish slip on her room mate. It’s ridiculous. How come people who always say “I don’t want to make any drama, but”, always seem to want to make drama? They enthrall out of making “things” out of things while insisting that they aren’t. They’re drama queens.</p>
<p>@TobaccoNChocolat, my room certainly has a great arrangement. No one can sexile. Very easy.</p>
<p>The point is this – clearly the OP and her roommate did not have such an arrangement. You are right, one night won’t kill: her roommate and her hookup could have rented out a hotel room as a courtesy. It is, however, unreasonable to expect the roommate to leave because you want to have sex in the room, if no arrangement has been set out. In other words, the only reasonable default action I can imagine is that the people who pay for the room to be able, without pressure, to choose to sleep in that same room, something that obviously is not possible if a roommie comes home with a person for sex and wants the room to herself.</p>
<p>I agree with you, however, that the OP acted immaturely and owes the roommate the truth and apology. But she is NOT in the wrong for being angry with her roommate. It’s college – a place to learn respect of others.</p>
<p>If my roommate told me at 1 AM in the morning that he wanted me to go away for a bit, so he can get a little “something-something”, I’ll accept. Why? Because that’s the roommate code. We help each other out. I would gladly take a step back and let my roommate do his thing, because I know he would do the same to me if I was about to get some. I guess girls are different…</p>