Roommate Issue with Boyfriend

[mantori.suzuki]

<p>The previous post is not harassment.</p>

[Johnson181]

<p>SallyNYU,</p>

<p>Northstarmom is not harassing you. At all.</p>

<p>Everyone has the right to post their opinions on this forum. You don’t get to close a thread simply because you don’t like the answers you’ve been getting.</p>

[mathsciencedude]

<p>Was this intentional? I give you the benefit of the doubt *since you went to harvard<a href=“nudge%20nudge”>/i</a>. Anyway, I lol’ed</p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

uncomfortable fir my boyfriend

</p>

<p>No offense of course…:D</p>

[Northstarmom]

<p>No, it wasn’t intentional. While Harvard grads are considered to be gods by some on CC, to err is human… :)</p>

[lmkh70]

<p>I am sorry, but it is her place too and it is not a coed room. You should not have signed up for a studio apartment with a roommate, if you did not want to have to deal with this sort of thing. She does not want to have to sleep in the same room as a man she does not know, or share a shower, etc etc etc. </p>

<p>Just get a hotel for while he is in town. If you cannot afford it, well, you are not 12 anymore, you can most certainly wait and see him when you visit him next.</p>

[lmkh70]

<p>I am also wondering if you told your RA that the guest will be of the opposite gender and without your roommates okay. </p>

<p>Seriously, cut back the visit to only being while she is out of town. Be open to cancelling at the last second if she ends up staying in town. But you brought up your age as to say you are so mature that you can do this. But with maturity comes treating others with respect and if you want to sleep with your boyfriend, that should happen in a private place, in your own hotel room. And with maturity, you should be capable of waiting to see him later if you do not have the money. It really is way over the top rude to bring a boyfriend in and expect her to just sleep at night while he is there and change her life around for it. This has nothing to do with her virgin status, which was also rude for you to make assumptions about. I was nothing near being a virgin in college, but I had the maturity to understand not to sleep with a guy in my bed and just expect my roommate to put up with it. I got a single room in grad school for just that reason in fact. Those priviledges come with the extra cost of a single room, which with your “maturity,” you should be able to afford.</p>

[mathsciencedude]

<p>

@Northstarmom

to err is human…

</p>

<p>Good thing I’m a robot. </p>

<p>:cool:</p>

[sorghum]

<p>This post is harassment unless this sentence contains the words “this post is not harassment” AND the total number of words in this sentence is thirty-one (counting thirty-one as one word).</p>

[legendofmax]

<p>Posting further advice in this thread is probably going into the void – SallyNYU isn’t really listening/responding to any of it and, in general, just wants people to agree with her. She’ll likely just do what she wants.</p>

[PVmusicmom]

<p>

@pugmadkate

I’m going to assume that the roommate is mature enough to not have sex when the roommate is present and that her boyfriend will wear a robe, etc.

Do you know OP & her bf well personally ? Or do you assume that automatically?</p>

<p>

@pugmadkate

This woman’s boyfriend is not abusive, not an addict and obviously that would be different.

How do you know this? How does the roommate know this?</p>

<p>

@legendofmax

I feel like you are just looking for confirmation to justify what you’re (likely) going to do regardless of the roommate’s wishes. ……Your roommate doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as you + your boyfriend. Even curtains don’t block noise, obviously. There’s really no privacy for anyone involved.

Agree with legendofmax.</p>

<p>

@anotherparent

I think making someone be bystander to you sleeping with your BF is just down right icky.

Agree with anotherparent.</p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

Having the boyfriend post here as if his presence could somehow convince us that he is safe…… There are many men who could sound pleasant and safe on a website, yet are dangerous or have the kind of problems/personality that would not make it wise for one to spend the night with them.

Agree with Northstarmom.</p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

none of us --except possibly the OP knows whether the boyfriend is an addict, mentally ill, abusive, etc.

Agree with Northstarmom.</p>

[levirm]

<p>For parents on this thread: this thread got me thinking…how do we raise our kids to be thoughtful, considerate human beings who can see another point of view?
In adolescence, a task of development is to see some nuuances, some “gray areas”, to stop “splitting” everything into one extreme or the other, to empathize with others and also to try to view things through the eyes of others. We hope that our young adults emerge from adolescence with this skill. Some young adults navigate this task of development successfully, and some do not. (Our political rhetoric right now reveals a lot of people who did not!) Why? Is there anything that parents can do to facilitate this?
I believe that there is, and I believe that we can start by role-modeling this behavior by surmising what may be going through the minds of others, to try to explain that from the viewpoints of others, some beliefs or behaviors can be explained. If we could all gain this skill, our world would be a better place!</p>

[legendofmax]

<p>[Teach</a> Kids Empathy](<a href=“http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/teach_kids_empathy.htm]Teach”>http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/teach_kids_empathy.htm)</p>

<p>I guess things of this nature</p>

[PVmusicmom]

<p>

@SallyNYU

I just want to clarify that NONE of you know me on a personal basis… you should not judge a person… that you do not know

Exactly. None of us know you & your bf. Does your roommate know your bf? If not, why don’t you respect her “no” to you even based on her caution on her safety reason alone?</p>

<p>

@legendofmax

The roommate may not even know the boyfriend is unsafe until everyone’s asleep! It’s a risk that people can either choose to take or not take.

Agree with legendofmax. </p>

<p>

@sorghum

I think the other girl has an absolute right to refuse to have a strange man sleeping in her bedroom.

Agree with sorghum.</p>

[PVmusicmom]

<p>

@Northstarmom

"I am very frustrated by this because we are not 12 anymore… we are both 23 years old! " : I also thought that this statement by the OP was very judgmental. Just because one is 23 doesn’t mean that one should be expected to agree to or to be comfortable with spending the night in a studio apartment with a strange man.

Agree with Northstarmom . There are 12 year old kids with 23 year old adult maturity, and 23 year old (or older) people with maturity at the level of normal age 12 or younger</p>

[momma-three]

<p>^^ Good post levirm. </p>

<p>Being kind is something that could be taught. Just because someone thinks they have the right to do something does not mean they have not rolled over on someone else to get it. </p>

<p>When the kids were little I remember thinking that the one thing I wanted most for them was that they grow up to be good people. I texted my son the other day (I knew he was busy) to ask if he enjoyed his formal. He responded that he and his brother "had very nice dates and they had treated them well. I laughed when I read the reply because he acknowleged that he remembered all the things I taught them regarding the treatment of women. As parents, our most important lessons should be in teaching our children empathy and respect for all people.</p>

[PVmusicmom]

<p>

@Northstarmom

I also don’t understand why the OP would want to share a romantic experience with a roommate around .

Agree with Northstarmom . </p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

I think I have every right to be concerned about someone who’s entering a field like social work in which empathy and being broad minded are important and yet wonders if her shy, virginal, roommate is “weird” for not wanting to have the OP’s boyfriend spending the night while the roommate is in their studio apartment.

Agree with Northstarmom . </p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

I found the OP’s lack of empathy for the roommate’s different perspective and reaction was not in line with the kind of open mindedness and sensitivity

Agree with Northstarmom . </p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

I think that there is evidence here that the boyfriend is cheap and insensitive since he thinks it’s OK to crash in a studio apartment with a shy stranger of the opposite sex who would not feel comfortable with him being there.

Agree with Northstarmom . </p>

<p>

@Northstarmom

OP, disagreeing with someone isn’t harassment.

Agree with Northstarmom .</p>

[anotherparent]

<p>@leverim - I think we rear kind and considerate kids by treating them, and everyone else, with kindness and consideration. Also, by not letting think they are the center of the universe.</p>

<p>I am actually encouraged by this thread. For every kid like the OP and her fervent supporters like Pug, there have been some thoughtful and considerate posts by their peers. This is not their entire generation.</p>

[PVmusicmom]

<p>@anotherparent “Also, by not letting think they are the center of the universe.”------ Thank you for making this valuable point here. That’s my thought too. You also mentioned that “I am not a prude. I came of age in the early 70s, and we were the ones who demanded the sexual freedoms you all take for granted today (sex, drugs, and rock and roll!!)”— Our local high school was on the news a year ago because 80% kids were involved in drugs in the survey. Good kids were under peer pressure to do same or called as “weird” or “uncool”. It’s hard to believe that even “mental disorder” was brought to color the roommate here. I do not post often in CC but I did post several in this thread to say “agreed” at least to support. </p>

<p>

Originally Posted by SallyNYU : I am OP…….request that people no longer reply to this thread……. DISCUSSION ENDED</p>

<p>Originally Posted by SallyNYU : @ Northstarmom, PLEASE STOP POSTING ON THIS DISCUSSION</p>

<p>Originally Posted by Johnson18 : Everyone has the right to post their opinions on this forum. You don’t get to close a thread simply because you don’t like the answers you’ve been getting.

Agree with Johnson181. Well, I am agreeing one more time when this thread is coming to end.</p>

[shushugah]

<p>I didn’t get chance to read through everyone’s comments, and apologize if it’s been said, but while i hear both sides of issue, and if room mates guests are allowed, your room mate MUST accept that was part of the deal of sleeping in this room, and you entered college under same impression of that, and so now, you want to be nice and be sensitive, like not get intimate during the 3 days she’s there, or a great compromise, is hang up a cloth separator, so she’ll still have privacy :)</p>

[mathsciencedude]

<p>Actually, I’m a college student who doesn’t think you should do that. : (</p>