<p>The “right to an overnight guest” just means that it’s a right granted by the housing service. If that right weren’t present, housing would, for instance, ask any guests to leave if found. Both the OP and the roommate have the right to guests, but they also have the ability to “block” that right for each other if imposed on for reasons that pertain to safety, religion, psychology, cost, illegal actions, etc. </p>
<p>I am not sure why you’re quoting “protection” in your example. Under that kind of logic, a woman could bring over a rather unsafe boyfriend and nothing would be done about it because “it’s her right.” The roommate may not even know the boyfriend is unsafe until everyone’s asleep! It’s a risk that people can either choose to take or not take. The OP may “know” the boyfriend is safe/etc, but the roommate does not.</p>
<p>Even aside from safety (a bigger issue for those who’ve already been imposed upon by abusive guests), it’s just a matter of privacy. Housing rights don’t allow unreasonable privacy infringements to go without question. Having your boyfriend sleep in your bed with a roommate sleeping in hers across the room is typically within that “unreasonable” threshold in the case of dissent.</p>
<p>No, I’m not “conservative” in the least, and I may not get along well at all with the roommate discussed in this thread, but that doesn’t mean I am going to be disrespectful and rude by doing what I want when there’s clear disagreement. I would have discussed this ground rule ahead of time and switched roommates. Since the OP didn’t do this, she has to accept the fact that there’s an incompatibility and find alternative means.</p>
<p>He can’t stay for more than 3 nights anyway. You might as well pick those nights when the roommate is not around. Seems like end of discussion. </p>
<p>It is very unfortunate when we feel we have the right to impose on other people. I personally find it “icky” to sleep in the same room with some strange male, particularly since apparantly the roommates don’t know each other all that well either. Also, the OP indicates that she can’t/won’t switch roommates. So that means that if you impose your boyfriend on her now, for the next 7 or 8 months you’ll be stuck living with someone who resents you, or at least understands that you don’t respect her–her opinions hold no weight with you. Do you imagine that that will be a comfortable living situation for you? </p>
<p>Are you one of those people who talks loudly on your cell phone on the bus or in a store? You walk in slow motion in the crosswalk to cross the street? Explain the movie to your seatmate at the theater? Have loud arguments with your BF in public? etc etc? Probably not. So why be so insensitive now?</p>
<p>Her boyfriend is a man with a job. If if wants to spend time with this young woman he should have suggested a hotel. Thats what a man would do. A boy is less likely to consider the feelings of another young lady who he is not intimate with.</p>
<p>Yup, there’s a policy in place, and the OP and BF are on the wrong end of it. Follow ClassicRockerDad’s link.</p>
<p>Leaving aside the policy, it is simply immature and inconsiderate to impose on the other girl in this way. The BF is ostensibly a man with a job. By all means use the room when the roomie is away, but for the other days, find an affordable solution elsewhere.</p>
<p>And yes, I have been a broke grad student in a big city. But I always had my own bedroom, even when sharing an apartment with 5 other students. Admittedly, Hyde Park is not NYC, but rather than accept university housing, which would have meant a room mate, which I think is ridiculous at that age, I and many other students looked for other housing.</p>
<p>I looked up the OP’s other posts and was surprised that she’s a grad student in social work. What a lack of empathy she displays for a student in social work.</p>
<p>I also don’t understand why the OP would want to share a romantic experience with a roommate around .</p>
<p>For those who think that by agreeing to share a studio, the roommate was agreeing to overnight guests would you say that an overnight guest who was an active drug addict or recently released felon would be ok for the OP to expect to stay 3 days with her and her roommate?</p>
<p>I was also bothered by the idea that the OP was a grad student in social work. She will be exposed to people who do not share her world outlook. Is she going to think of those differences in the same way she appears to view her roommates? </p>
<p>It would be nice if she got some new insights into tolerance from this thread.</p>
<p>This is part of living with another person in a studio. Roommate seems perfectly within her rights to object to this. How about if the OP and BF leave NY for a few days and go somewhere with cheaper hotels? If you want to have guests like this, you should at least spring for an apartment with separate bedrooms. You picked this living arrangement, and this seems like a perfectly logical consequence. Take some of that money you are saving on the apartment (and from the BF’s job) and bug out for a few nights. Kinda wondering if the OP told the RA the whole story --that this is a boyfriend, not just another girl coming to visit, too. I think a lot of people (not just a very shy girl) would find this situation to intrusive and inconsiderate on the part of the OP.</p>
<p>Hey, legendofmax, hi there! I remember from your threads last year (and see from your posts here) that you are living in NY. Maybe OP’s bf can crash on your couch for a few days! (just kidding :))</p>
<p>I had the impression that the OP had to go to classes for some of this time and the roommate would be leaving for the Thursday-Sunday portion. I thought that was why they couldn’t leave New York. Can the OP clarify?</p>
<p>I found out I cannot delete this tread but I would like to end the thread now and request that people no longer reply to this thread.</p>
<p>I am very upset at people who have been attacking my character and personal choices in major and life. I came to this forum to ask a question and get responses because I am a compationate person who was being considerate of my roommate. Instead people have personally been attacking me and sending me rude messages on CC and in this forum. I do not appreciate the attacks and request to stop this discussion. This is honestly disheartening how rude some people have been to me for no reason. I do not appreciate the attacks on my character, choice of major and ASSUMPTIONS people have made about me - that are NOT true. I just want to clarify that NONE of you know me on a personal basis and you should not judge a person so harshly that you do not know.</p>
<p>I will REPORT all posts submitted after this point to CC for harassment/attacking.</p>
<p>OP, I just started reading this thread today, looked at the first page, and then skipped to the end wondering how much the discussion would have degenerated by then. It certainly has degenerated to people looking about at your past, looking at your other posts and being generally judgemental. Sorry for your distress, this kind of thing happens often on CC. Good luck with your roommate, boyfriend and studies.</p>
<p>NSM, we are often on the same page but even when we disagree I find you to be a respectful person. I was surprised to see you take a swipe at this young woman’s career choice. You disagree with her on one issue and that’s enough to declare her unfit for social work? I think that is a very low blow.</p>
<p>This woman’s boyfriend is not abusive, not an addict and obviously that would be different. </p>
<p>I don’t know what happened in this thread but it’s not been pleasant to read.</p>
<p>I think I have every right to be concerned about someone who’s entering a field like social work in which empathy and being broad minded are important and yet wonders if her shy, virginal, roommate is “weird” for not wanting to have the OP’s boyfriend spending the night while the roommate is in their studio apartment.</p>
<p>I also thought that this statement by the OP was very judgmental. Just because one is 23 doesn’t mean that one should be expected to agree to or to be comfortable with spending the night in a studio apartment with a strange man. </p>
<p>"I am very frustrated by this because we are not 12 anymore… we are both 23 years old! "</p>
<p>I found the OP’s lack of empathy for the roommate’s different perspective and reaction was not in line with the kind of open mindedness and sensitivity that social workers need to do well at their job.</p>
<p>I found this statement to be condescending. As my mother used to say, “Many a truth is contained in a joke.”</p>
<p>“He also would never steal anything from my roommate (her stuff is all old and outdated lol)”</p>
<p>Having the boyfriend post here as if his presence could somehow convince us that he is safe and the roommate should trust him also reflected naivete which I also don’t think bodes well for someone in social work. There are many men who could sound pleasant and safe on a website, yet are dangerous or have the kind of problems/personality that would not make it wise for one to spend the night with them.</p>
<p>I think that there is evidence here that the boyfriend is cheap and insensitive since he thinks it’s OK to crash in a studio apartment with a shy stranger of the opposite sex who would not feel comfortable with him being there. However, none of us --except possibly the OP (though many people have been very misguided about the characters of their romantic partners) knows whether the boyfriend is an addict, mentally ill, abusive, etc. This includes mental health professionals whom I have known who were very poor judges of their own romantic partners’ characters.</p>
<p>The Op asked if she was being rude. She honestly expected people to line up behind her and is upset they did not. I do hope she got some insight into the situation, instead of just getting upset.</p>
<p>PLEASE STOP POSTING ON THIS DISCUSSION and trying to create an argument. I do not appreciate you attacking and harrassing me in this way. I have reported you to CC for harrassment.</p>
<p>OP (since you’re still posting on this thread…) what did you decide, now that you’ve been informed of the three day rule, and heard everyone’s opinion? </p>
<p>I agree with anotherparent–I hope you’ve gotten some insight.</p>
<p>I think your argument is with your roommate, not so much with other posters here. Are you only willing to read and consider posts that agree with your opinion? If so, I am not sure why you started the thread at all. I don’t think I have seen any posts from you that acknowledge that your roommate might have a point, and have considered any ways you might modify your plans in some way to follow NYU’s rules and be respectful of her.</p>
<p>For the record, during the one year that I was a grad student at Stanford, I stayed in a one bedroom dorm apt for grad students. </p>
<p>This was during the sexual revolution, and I was a sexually experienced 22.</p>
<p>To my surprise, my assigned roommate, who was from Oakland and had graduated from Berkeley was a highly religious, 26-year-old virgin who’d never been on a date.</p>
<p>I got a boyfriend there and became sexually active with him, but the only time I used my apartment for that purpose was when my roommate went home to Oakland.</p>
<p>I didn’t have to ask her to know that she would have been uncomfortable fir my boyfriend to spend the night even though I had moved my bed to the livingroom and curtained it off so my roommate and I each could have privacy.</p>
<p>As is the case with the OP’s views of her roomie, probably I thought my rroommate was unsophisticated and weird for not being involved with the opposite sex in a way I thought was normal. </p>
<p>However, I felt it would be rude for me to have my boyfriend sleep over even though when I was in a suite with separate rooms in college, it was considered no big deal for boyfriends to sleep over.</p>
<p>OP, disagreeing with someone isn’t harassment.</p>