Roommate Says No Visitors Allowed

<p>My daughter has a roommate who just made an unusual request. Her roommate goes home every weekend, but my daughter stays on campus. So my daughter invited two of her friends who live in another dorm to come over to visit her last weekend. She usually hangs out with them in their dorm. Her friends didn't spend the night. They just came over to hang out and talk. This week, my daughter's roommate told her that she didn't want anyone sitting on her bed or being in their dorm room when she's not there. This was never mentioned when they signed their roommate agreement at the beginning of the year. Doesn't this seem rather unreasonable?</p>

<p>What would you do if you were in this situation? My daughter and her roommate get along fine so far.</p>

<p>Thats ridiculous. Tell her to tell her roommate to chill. </p>

<p>If not then your daughter will be in for a very long year</p>

<p>Yes, that is unreasonable. I kinda understand the roommate not wanting other people on her bed, but that is just the way it is in a small dorm room. Your daughter has every right to have friends visit her in her room, whether the roommate likes it or not. She should talk to the roommate and tell her that her request is unreasonable and that she will have friends over, whether the roommate is there or not. If they cannot work it out, your daughter needs to have the RA act as a mediator.</p>

<p>The no sitting on the bed policy is ok, the rest of the request is not.</p>

<p>I don’t blame her for not wanting people sitting on her bed. The other part of the request is absolutely ridiculous. This other girl obviously doesn’t know how to share a small space with another person.<br>
If the two can’t work it out for themselves, then the RA should get involved.</p>

<p>I think my daughter is a bit reluctant to rock the boat, especially since things are going well between the two of them.</p>

<p>My daughter would like to have a high school girlfriend spend the night in October when the two of them go to a concert on the weekend. She just assumes her roommate will say no, so she doesn’t even want to ask her.</p>

<p>I agree that she should discuss this further with her roommate and get the RA involved if needed.</p>

<p>Agree on the bed policy, don’t agree on the other part.</p>

<p>If I were your daughter I would not ask my roommate if it’s okay for my friend to stay the weekend. I’d tell the roommate that I’m having a friend stay over. The roommate can’t do anything about it and if she’s not in the room, it’s especially not her call.</p>

<p>I agree with everyone else that it’s understandable for her roomate to not want people on her bed and that it is unreasonable for her to not allow anyone else to be in their room. I think she should talk with her roomate about why it is that she would not like anyone in their room, in a professional manner. Is her roomate worried about someone stealing some of her belongings if a friend is over when she is not there? Maybe as time goes on she will trust your daughter more or maybe she can find a way to secure her belongings if in fact, she doesn’t want people over due to a chance of theft. I am male and my roomate is male and he has had boys and girls over during the day and even boys and girls over during the night and over night and I haven’t had any problems with them. Your daughter should be allowed to bring her friends over.</p>

<p>It cannot be a good approach from that friend’s side. Try yourself to convince her of the situation and hope it will work for you.</p>

<p>I understand the no sitting on the bed policy. That should just be an unspoken rule among roomates, along with not having people mess with her stuff or eating out of her fridge, but your daughter needs to tell her to chill. They paid an equal amount for that dorm and if your daughter wants to have 1 or 2 friends over, as long as her roomates stuff doesn’t go missing, there shouldn’t be a problem.</p>

<p>The no sitting on the bed policy is a reasonable request. The rest is not. People have visitors over all the time in their dorm…my roommate doesn’t even care if I have friends over to hang out while she’s sleeping (because she can sleep through anything, so she doesn’t care, we’ve discussed this!). Maybe it’s a trust issue…the roommate thinks your daughter’s friends will take her stuff from the room. The roommate can’t tell your daughter what she is allowed to do- it’s your daughter’s space too, the roommate doesn’t own the room, they have to share it.</p>

<p>Both girls are entitled to treat the room as their home and are entitled to reasonable use of the space…including entertaining friends.</p>

<p>Does she really expect your daughter to just be alone in the room all the time because she chooses to go home?</p>

<p>What is the source of the roomie’s request? If she is afraid her belongings might be pilfered, she should either lock them up or take them home with her.</p>

<p>I will have to ask my daughter if her roommate has specifically told her why she doesn’t want her to have visitors when she isn’t there. As far as I know, no reason was given.</p>

<p>I actually had a conversation with the campus police right before school began. The crime rate on the campus is extremely low. There is very little theft from dorm rooms. Most thefts occur in the library, student union, classrooms, and from cars and the thieves are usually not students.</p>

<p>I think all the responses here basically agree - if the roommate continues to be so unreasonable, go to the RA - that’s what they’re there for.</p>

<p>@ all the posts saying the roommate is being unreasonable: it depends on the college’s student housing department and their rules. At my college (UCD), if someone wants to have guests over, they MUST have their roommate’s consent (so there’s none of that “whether he/she likes it or not” business), especially if the guests will be staying overnight.</p>

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<p>And that is unreasonable.</p>

<p>@ Knight: I don’t think it’s unreasonable. It’s called respecting your roommate’s wishes. If there’s a conflict between both roommates, they should take it up with the RA and review their agreement or something.</p>

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<p>(not sure how it works at other colleges, but that’s how it works at UCD. I don’t particularly care about that rule, so my roommate can bring friends over whenever she wants–I’d just end up going to the library for a quieter environment, although I expect her to maintain responsibility for her guests’ actions)</p>

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<p>That’s the policy here too, and I agree that it’s reasonable. But if the roommate isn’t in the room for the entire weekend, will a guest’s presence on the OP’s daughter’s half of the room really affect her?</p>

<p>OP: Before consulting the RA, your daughter needs to talk about this problem with her roommate. Then if problems arise, that’s when the RA should be involved.</p>

<p>My daughter’s dorm does have a policy that states that she would have to get her roommate’s permission if she wanted to have an overnight guest. I can certainly understand why this is a rule. But her college does not require her to get her roommate’s permission when she wants to have some college friends over to hang out on the weekend.</p>

<p>I understand the not sitting on the bed, since I HATE it when people sit on my bed, and last year my roommate understood and respected that, however I do think the no visitors is unreasonable.</p>