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<p>Does this seem contradictory to anyone else but me? Why would a “germaphobe” prefer a filthy bathroom? Wouldn’t she be scrubbing every inch of it constantly to get rid of the germs?</p>
<p>It probably means she expects someone else to clean the bathroom to her satisfaction.</p>
<p>This is an interesting thread. Having roommates is one of the greatest learning opportunities in college, whether in the dorm or later in apartments. </p>
<p>I can understand the RM not wanting people to sit on her bed. (However, I can’t imagine how it is practical in the dorm environment. Thinking back to the number of parties and get togethers in the rooms, it was typical to use all space available to accommodate everyone.)</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem reasonable to not have guests over when the RM is not there. I might encourage my child to hold firm to having full use of the room for socializing, and not have to always go elsewhere to meet with friends. </p>
<p>The bathroom cleaning is strange. Not sure why the school isn’t responsible for cleaning the shared bathrooms. It doesn’t seem right for your D to be the only one cleaning the bathroom that others use, unless there is a task that she trades with the RM for cleaning the bathroom.</p>
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<p>Some people who claim to be “germaphobes” really do prefer it when someone else does the cleaning for them. I guess they’re so repulsed by the thought of filth that they can’t even stand to go near it, even to get rid of it. It’s the hygiene equivalent of someone who wants to get in shape but doesn’t want to eat healthy or exercise – except I guess that person doesn’t even have the option of getting someone else to do the work on their behalf.</p>
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<p>If the bathroom is in their rooms, the maintenance staff might not want to have to go inside someone’s room to clean it.</p>
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But PLEEEEASSSEEEEE?</p>
<p>My S lived in an honors dorm last year, and all the rooms were singles. However, bathrooms were shared by two students, with doors opening from each room into the bathroom. The students were responsible for cleaning their own bathrooms. My S appreciates a clean bathroom, and he was disgusted by his roommate … the young man regularly missed his target, shall we say. S just resigned himself to cleaning the bathroom. He told me that a guy who sprays the floor isn’t likely to care much about keeping things clean.</p>
<p>I can tell you that I appreciated community bathrooms in the dorm when I was in college. Doing bathrooms was my job growing up, and I had four brothers. I appreciated the break!</p>
<p>My D sent me an e-mail this morning. Her roommate occasionally has friends come over to visit when my daughter isn’t there. Just last night, my D returned to her room in the evening and one of her roommate’s friends was sitting on my D’s bed. She got off the bed when my D came into the room. My D could care less if she was sitting on her bed. It wasn’t a big deal to her. The other friend was sitting on her roommate’s bed. My Dthought that was a bit strange since her roommate made it clear she didn’t want anyone sitting on her bed.</p>
<p>Even though my D thinks this whole issue has to do with a germ phobia, I’m not sure. Why would her roommate be okay with one of HER friends sitting on her bed? She doesn’t seem to be too upset that HER friends are contaminating their room. I would like to point out that the roommate’s friends are girls. Sometimes my D has one or two male friends visit. I’m beginning to think that maybe the roommate has a problem with GUYS sitting on her bed and being in the room when she isn’t there.</p>
<p>Also, my D told me that last weekend her roommate spent the weekend with a friend who goes to a nearby college and stayed in her friend’s dorm room over the weekend.</p>
<p>Now I am getting more concerned about this as it seems to be a double standard. My D is not allowed to have visitors sit on her roommate’s bed. She is also not allowed to have visitors when her roommate is not there. However, it’s okay if her roommate does these same things.</p>
<p>I’m going to let my D work this out herself. I’m not going to intervene. I’m just trying to get some opinions and feedback.</p>
<p>It sounds odd…agreed…let the roommates work it out.</p>
<p>Simple power trip and attempt to dominate the room. A nice string of swear words … would be in order soon.</p>
<p>Yep, control freak. Continue to encourage your dd to go to RA and work out these issues. Otherwise, stay out of it.</p>
<p>If your daughter did not have social anxiety issues, I would agree with the advice to let the roommates work it out. But your daughter is out of her league with this roommate! She expects your daughter to follow unreasonable rules that she herself does not follow. I would urge your daughter to set up a meeting with the RA. She needs someone to help her negotiate these issues with her roommate. Giving in to unreasonable demands is not healthy for your daughter psychologically. In my opinion, this roommate is taking advantage of your daughter and there are likely to be more unreasonable demands from her. It is important for your daughter to learn how to negotiate with this roommate and anyone else who is making unreasonable demands.</p>
<p>It seems to me that your daughter should just tell her roommate that she is sorry she feels that way about guests, but that is not how a shared rooms work and obviously you realize this since you are comfortable having guests in the room yourself. There is no reason for her to continue the conversation or explain any further. Then go about her business and invite guests as she sees fit. She doesn’t have to get permission to use her own room. She should respect the roommates bed and even her desk area as she could have her work out there etc. But, your daughters part of the room is hers to use, within reason.</p>
<p>Agree with fishymom…encourage your daughter to run the situation by the RA for advice. Maybe the RA will recommend a stronger approach like mediation.</p>
<p>The RM knows how to worry about “yours truly” and really does not care about your daughter’s thoughts or feelings IMO.</p>
<p>I think that this can be a great experience for your daughter to learn how to negotiate with someone like this, and to learn how to respectfully and firmly stand up for herself. I agree with fishymom. I think that your DD should contact the RA because with this roommate your DD may be “out of her league”.</p>
<p>If this is happening in September, I shudder to think what your daughter will be dealing with in May. She needs to put her foot down. Which is sometimes hard, but it has to be done. Remind her that she is there to get an education and have a good experience. She doesn’t need to be buddies with this sick chick, and she certainly is not there to be her maid.</p>
<p>Encourage your D to talk to the RA to mediate the situation…things seem to going from bad to worse. Depend on your feelings on how the anxiety issues are going to play, consider emailing the RA directly…maybe the RA can just “check in on how things are going” if you think that would give your D the opportunity to open up about the situation.
It’s September, the roommate has your D cleaning up for her, not having guests in the room unless she’s present, not sitting on her bed–all double standards. I’m seeing a lot of red flags.</p>
<p>Your daughter’s roomate is being completely unreasonable. It sounds like your D is a “piece at any price” type and the roomate has figured out how to rule the roost.</p>
<p>I agree that your daughter needs to work this out herself. It sounds like she is doing very well overall. I think that your best bet is to listen and express your own opinion about how unreasonable the roommate is being. also like the suggestion of encouraging her to talk to the RA.</p>
<p>OK, with the new report that the roommate has friends over who sit on the D’s bed, this is now ridiculous. The roommate is totally unreasonable. Time to ask the RA to sit in on a talk that the two have about the issues.</p>
<p>^^I hope that the RA sits on RM’s bed during the negotiation. LOL!</p>
<p>Time for the girl to learn to fight for herself… Otherwise–doormat for life as there are not always RAs around in life.</p>