Ok, this may be a dumb question, but I’m wondering if it’s ok for my daughter to have visiting buddies stay with her in her dorm? She has a group of six buddies that are planning on visiting each other at college as they are all staying in state. Three are girls and three are boys. How does that work? Maybe the girls can stay but the boys have to find another place? Just curious. Thanks!
That would depend on her roommate(s) if she has one. I can’t imagine most dorm rooms accommodating 6 guests let alone 3. They tend to be small, especially freshman year. One or two at a time would be easier. To me, haing guests is something that should be agreed upon with a roommate out of courtesy.
Any more than 1 visitor is way too much for a dorm room. They’d be better off getting a hotel room.
I cannot imagine this plan actually coming to fruition…maybe they should visit over fall break or something.
It would depend on the school, but D’s college does not allow opposite sex visitors in freshman dorm rooms, Another college she applied to doesn’t allow ANY overnight visitors for freshmen the first semester so kids can work on getting acclimated. This would all be spelled out in your D’s student housing handbook.
Fwiw, years ago at my ginormous campus, large groups of visitors were allowed to camp in the student rec room. That meant having people walk through and around wherever you were crashed, but since there were no hotels nearby, it beat sleeping in the car. That’s probably not allowed these days.
Unless she has a single, that is A LOT to ask of her roommates.
Oops! I should clarify. They wouldn’t all be staying at once. I just meant that her friend group is planning to visit each other at their colleges. I know she could probably have a girlfriend stay if her roommate was ok with it. But what if it’s a guy friend? Surely people have visitors of the opposite sex. Wondering if the only option is a hotel. Maybe she’ll become friends with guys that might not mind a guest.
It happens. But then the next day the roommate’s mother makes a post on CC about how to deal with a roommate that has overnight guests of the opposite sex.
I remember one weekend when I was in college when the three of us in a triple had three overnight guests over the weekend – all of them of the opposite sex (and only one was a person whom one of us was dating).
But that was in the late 1970s. People seem more conservative now.
It depends on the school/dorm rules and the roommate. Six weekend visitors over a 15 weekend semester? I wouldn’t be a happy roommate, even assuming your daughter will also be gone 6 other weekends visiting these friends at their schools. And do you really want her gone that much, not getting to know her new campus, making new friends?
I think it should be discouraged as it takes a lot of time and effort to settle in to college, make new friends and get involved with the things going on on campus. I think already having plans to spend 5 to 6 weekends away from the camous, plus having guests for an additional 6 weekends will cause problems.
Like others said, if her current roomies don’t mind nor if the dorm doesn’t enforce a no-guest policy, it doesn’t matter. It’d be the same as if she were 26 and had an apartment. It’s a good time to ask her how she’d handle a request by a future roommate if a boy could stay over there as well – or even regularly. My freshman DD’s three roomies constantly had guys spend the night (all 4 had their own single bedrooms).
Definitely not a hotel. At worst, ask if a same hallway guy friend wouldn’t mind your DD’s guy friend crashing on a couch.
It’s not a comfortable thing to face but college kids are sexual beings.
FWIW, son just got back from visiting a non-romantic friend of the opposite sex- stayed in her dorm room at UMD… no problem, kids do it all the time …but again prob depends on a particular school’s rules and of course running it by the roommate first.
Also make sure the guests bring a picture ID- most schools have a rule about signing your guests in and for that they usually have to show a picture ID.
It would depend entirely on her roommate’s position on having visitors.
I would suggest that they all first concentrate on developing new friends in college. In all likelihood, they will get entrenched in their own schools and are unlikely to want to leave their own campus for so many visits.
My kid’s school has a rule that there are no overnight visitors in the University Residence Halls over Halloween weekend so be sure to check that in advance.
Of course she plans on making new friends. I guess I’m just asking if you have a visitor is it ok as long as your roommate says so and if a guy friend could stay with someone else. Thanks for those that responded. I think some may have misunderstood my question or I didn’t ask it clearly enough. Obviously she isn’t going to have company every weekend or leave to go visit her friends every weekend. I’m just curious as to the procedure for having an overnight guest who might be in town. I only mentioned the six friends because they are all so excited to be in close proximity to each other and be able to visit occasionally. These kids all just graduated from a very rigorous IB high school. They’re a pretty intelligent bunch.
Kids do this all the time, even with different rules at different schools. They’ll figure it out.
@sseamom Wow, really? The dorm I was in freshman year had that rule for the first semester and then after Christmas it was fine. And that was in 1970!! Am amazed that there are still schools with such rules in this day and age.
Remember that her roommate(s) are paying for a double or triple or whatever. Not a motel for visitors. That seems like a lot of guests, even if the same gender and at different times. Roommates have a right to study in their rooms, hang out there without a crowd, change clothes when they want to, etc. We see lot of threads out here about inconsiderate roommates, and sleepover guests are high on the list if problems. Not uncommon for a roommate given an inch of approval by a roommate who is trying to be accommodating, then the roommate takes a mile. Don’t encourage your D to be that person.
There are only what, 14 or 15 weeks in a semester? She may find that she doesn’t have 43% of her weekends to spare entertaining friends instead of doing homework or studying.
To answer the question - the rules all depend on the school. Many schools allow guests - male or female - to stay over. Even the most liberal school tends to limit the number of nights a single guest can stay to prevent extra roomies for the entire semester.
Then be considerate of your roommate and make time to meet new friends. And remember - most freshman dorm rooms are really small.