It’s 0:30 now and my first class of the fall semester is at 8:00am tomorrow. I have the same roommate again as last year (student residence). She always showered at midnight or later, and I asked her if she can maybe shower earlier. So she did…over the summer. Now, punctually to the new semester, she started showering late AGAIN and l want to get up early every weekday to be more productive. The problem is, she is also kind of my friend.
So how do I tell her AGAIN without pissing her off? I don’t want her to dislike me but it can’t go on like that. Any ideas? Is it rude to tell her again?
(She’s Asian, I’m European, we’re in Canada. Maybe it’s a cultural thing…maybe it’s normal to shower that late in Asia even if you live so close to others, idk)
First I would talk to her and say that you have an 8:00 class and have to get up at 7:00 so need to go to sleep by 11:00 and her taking a shower late is causing you not to go to sleep until she finishes at 12:30. Can she take a shower earlier so that you can do that?
I think this is reasonable.
If she doesn’t, then I would talk to your RA, and ask for help in developing a plan so that you are able to go to sleep by 11;00 (or whatever).
If she takes a shower, what is the issue? Can she do most changing, blow drying, whatever in the bathroom so it isn’t so noisy? Can you use earplugs?
What is it that keeps you up? Running water? Singing in the shower? The buzz of a hairdryer? Something about the showerhead? Is there any way to reduce the noise production on her end?
And, as suggested, you could look at ear plugs or something to reduce the noise reception on your end.
Honestly, I really don’t think it’s appropriate for one roommate to tell the other when she’s allowed to take a shower. I assume she is doing what works best for her schedule and you are doing what works best for hers.
“How does her showering bother you? Can’t you ask her to be quiet when she comes back in the room?
I’m confused, it’s not like she is having a party of listening to music. I don’t think you can dictate someone else’s grooming and sleep schedule.”
She is not actually my roommate, but my bathroom-mate and the shower is like 3 meters away from my bed (door in between of course), that’s why. Of course I cannot dictate her sleeping schedule and have absolutely no interest in doing so, but I don’t want to be waken up from the shower every night.
I also wonder what difference it really makes for her if she showers at 11:00pm or 0:30am when she’s in her room anyway.
I just don’t know how to say it to her (again…) without being offensive or rude.
I’m with bopper^^^^ except for the earplugs. The problem with earplugs is that they can keep you from hearing an alarm. I used to travel a lot for work and would get irritated when people in the adjacent hotel room would watch TV and bang around late at night. I couldn’t use earplugs for that reason - I needed to hear my alarm to get ready for work. In addition, even though having to hear loud noises was annoying, I also wanted to be able to hear in case someone tried to enter my room (and yeah, that happened a few times over the years - once a couple of drunk guys kept banging on my door insisting that I open the door to THEIR room). I can see this as possibly being a concern for a young woman living in a suite or apartment. I’m really not a paranoid or easily frightened person, but I just don’t like not being able to hear at night. I only feel safe using them when someone I trust is nearby.
How would you feel if you wanted to shower at 6:30 or 7am before class and your bathroom-mate didn’t have an early class and wanted to sleep in and asked you to change your schedule?
Honestly, if you have your own room and it is only the noise of a shower 9 feet or more away and through a closed door, I think you are being too inflexible/too light of a sleeper.
Is there anyway to rearrange your furniture to get your head further away from the bathroom?
The reality is that 12-12:30AM isn’t that late in the context of a college dormitory. College students tend to be more nocturnal, in general.
Nope sorry, this is where I draw a line. Someone should be able to use the bathroom and shower whenever they please.
I’m on board with quiet between X hours but you don’t get to dictate bathroom schedules. Wear earplugs and get a bed shaking alarm if you really need to but this is not the suite mate’s problem.
It is ‘normal’ to shower at any time you like. If you get up and take a shower at 5 am, is that out of line? Millions of people do it every day before work.
Is there a gap between your bedroom door and the bathroom? If so, put a towel or something along the opening to further reduce noise but other than that, it is no different if your neighbor on the other side, with whom you don’t share a bathroom or doorway, was making noise. Walls are thin, people are noisy. Upstairs people stomp around. It’s is part of sharing a building.
I think that is apples and oranges. If a person has an early class, then getting up early to get ready is not a choice. It’s a necessity.
The taking a shower at midnight possibly might be a different situation - where the roommate is hanging out for hours in the room for the evening, and then decides to bang around and take a shower at midnight, when it could have been done earlier in order to be considerate to her roommate. I don’t know if that’s the case or not, but if it is, then I think the roommates should be able to come to a compromise pretty easily. Some people just don’t realize how inconsiderate they are being - my kids get ready for school in a bathroom twenty feet down the hall, and you wouldn’t believe the door banging, drawer rustling, and stomping around that goes on in the morning. And they don’t even shower in the morning, they shower at night. Finally, this summer, I had to have a discussion with my daughter, who is a freshman in college this year, and told her that a roommate would not appreciate that kind of behavior. She’s wound tight so she doesn’t move around quietly and gently. Hopefully she listened to me and isn’t being annoying to her roommate.
If the roommate is coming to the dorm late and then taking a shower, then, that’s a different story as, yes, a roommate shouldn’t dictate someone’s curfew. But even in that case, we don’t know if the roommate is coming in and banging around or if the OP is just a light sleeper and has unreasonable expectations. I’m curious why the roommate was willing and able to modify her showering habits to be considerate this summer, but has suddenly changed her routine.
More info about the situation would be helpful. Does the roommate go about her routine quietly or is she being obnoxiously loud? Can she shower earlier, or does she have other obligations or activities that prevent her from doing so? What if anything has changed to make the roommate revert back to her late night showering routine?
She may just forgot what you have asked her before. A friendly reminder won’t hurt. Besides, you said she wasn’t really your roommate, but rather a bathroom mate, so if the your request backfire, it won’t be too unbearable. By the way, Asians do take bath/shower at night rather than in the morning because that how they grow up in their culture, but we do change as we change our life style or work schedule as we grow.
I think it’s the same as showering early in the morning. Sure, an early class means you have to get up early. It doesn’t mean you can’t shower the night before.
It’s unreasonable to expect someone who shares a bathroom to never shower when you’re asleep. If she’s not being unreasonably loud about it, she can shower when she wants to.
Didn’t see the part about the “roommate” not actually not actually sharing the room. That makes a big difference! - oops. Unless she is being obnoxiously loud (especially since she’s not even in your room), then you’re just going to have to adapt to the situation. If she IS making unnecessary noise (like banging around and slamming drawers and doors), then have a polite discussion with her and hope for the best.
You say: “I have an 8:00 class and have to get up at 7:00 so need to go to sleep by 11:00 and you taking a shower late is causing me not to go to sleep until you finish at 12:30. Can you take a shower earlier?”
Agree^. Ask, don’t tell her. And if she occasionally showers at 1130, so be it.
I have the feeling there is a gap at the bottom of your door to the bathroom. You’d be shocked how much sound gets out of a gap. Put a towel or rolled up rug to cover the gap.
Also, a white noise machine or a fan on high setting might help you drown out the shower.