<p>D likes her suitemates and doesn't want to move, but two are not respectful of the others. One is D's roommate. Both have boys spend the night regularly, even on school nights. One also has loud friends over most evenings and often into the night, even when asked for quiet hours by other roommates. D asked advice from her proctor after her roommate had two boys spend the night, one even sleeping on D's bed. I don't think she gave many details and the proctor's advice worked for about a week. The sleeping over has started again and when D asked to come in her room last night to go to bed at 11 (she's also sick right now), she was put off repeatedly for two hours. Once the boy left, roommate was very snippy and for some reason her alarm went off three times during the night. My H thinks it was intentional.</p>
<p>D has asked for a suite meeting. She's not very optimistic about the two attending. D really wants to solve this without making enemies. Advice?</p>
<p>Sounds like those two need to share a room within the suite, and then your daughter can move in with one of the less troublesome suitemates. That’s not very good advice for how to get to that point, admittedly…</p>
<p>What was the proctor’s initial advice?</p>
<p>I had a friend who was in a similar situation with her suitemates. They did a swap of rooms such that the two “similar” suitemates shared a room.</p>
<p>First she should talk to the “normal” suitemate(s) and see if they would be willing to share a room. If any of them is facing the same problem as your daughter, they should be more than happy to do that. Then ask suitemates to all meet at a single time and discuss this whole issue. Rather than talking about it as an issue of guys spending the night frequently, which her suitemates may perceive as having other implications, the idea should be that your daughter sleeps earlier and so it makes more sense to room with someone else. </p>
<p>If these roommates are obstinate about not switching, I suppose your daughter could offer to help them move or something. But if there’s no budging, your daughter will have to accept that she’ll have to play hardball and risk making an “enemy” or two. If the alarm thing was intentional, it sounds like continuing to share a room is not doing much to avoid making enemies, and the best thing may be to have a conflict now so that the remaining 90% of freshman year will be better in the long run.</p>
<p>D put on housing form that she needs more than average sleep. She’s in a suite with four other girls and the only one who sleeps regularly is her roommate, and the reason they paired up. The roommate with the single is very nice but keeps to herself. The roommate in with the other sleepover girl has a very defined and odd sleep pattern. She is also not around much, which gives her roommate more sleepover freedom - or that’s maybe why she’s not around much. D’s roommate mentioned getting the single, but D thinks it’s unfair to that roommate.</p>
<p>The proctor’s advice was that sometimes a roommate causes trouble because they feel left out. (Remember, D didn’t give details.) D went out of her way to include roommate in meals and activities, trying to befriend her on a more personal level. The roommate seemed to respond positively and spent several nights away rather than having company in D’s room. She did the same last night so D was able to sleep.</p>
<p>Oddly, in the suite contract the proctor had everyone do at their first entryway meeting, D’s suite agreed that boys should not spend the night unless last resort. They also agreed to quiet hours after midnight, I think. D’s roommate even mentioned not wanting anyone sitting on her bed, but had guy sleep on D’s. I know drawing up that contract was a lifetime ago (four college weeks :)), but what the heck?</p>
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<p>How about just march right in and say it in plain words: Get out of the room now or keep quiet because I’m sick and I need to sleep/study. It’s your D’s room too, so she shouldn’t need to repeatedly ask permission to go in. She can also have a talk with her roommate to set up a deal: I’m going to sleep at so and so hour. The other times you bring over as many people as you like, but this certain period is the time that I need my space.</p>