<p>Okay so here are a few facts of the situation:
-There are 4 of us, all friends who met before living together, living in a student apartment. I share a bathroom with my best friend. It's me and my best friend, and two guy friends.
-We all have separate leases and pay a set amount of rent. Utilities are included except for an electricity cap, but we usually never go over.
-After winter break, my best friend's boyfriend has been over here every single day, sleeping, cooking, showering, and doing his laundry.
-We're friends with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>The problem I'm having is that I find it annoying that he's over here every day. He's presumptuous and annoying and I acts like he pays rent to live here. I've been thinking about talking to my friend about this, because it's affecting things like whether one of my guy roommates wants to renew, but 1. I'm afraid to cause a rift between me and my best friend, 2. there will be awkwardness between the roommates and my best friend and boyfriend.</p>
<p>I mean if the issue was really big, like if he was a pothead, or if he ate our food, it would be so easy to tell her we don't like it. But The issues I have with him being here are small, so I think she would take offense to what I would have to say. </p>
<p>I was thinking about not renewing and living with someone else next year, but honestly I can't think of who else I would want to live with and I really liked our apartment this year. </p>
<p>How should I go about this? Should I even have a reason to be annoyed?</p>
<p>Or, try this: it sounds like it is affecting the other roommates as well, so I would talk to them and see how you can address it together. The biggest problem seems to be the lack of discussion on your roommate’s part prior to the current situation, and the fact that the boyfriend has not been given any expectations as to appropriate conduct, etc., because he just sort of moved in. The kind of stuff, in other words, that roommates typically address early in the lease/year/what have you.</p>
<p>I think it is reasonable for all the roommates (with the boyfriend) to sit down and discuss expectations about his presence. If it was not established beforehand that he could visit at any time, then it is not unreasonable to set some limits on how often he should be in the apartment, especially because he is not paying rent. Expectations of behavior should be made explicit.</p>
<p>Most student housing has a limit as to the amount of nights a non-resident can stay in an apartment and what they are allowed to do (ie, no laundry usage). You can try talking to your friend or bring it up to the RA and have them deal with it. This is the reason most of those rules exist.</p>
<p>^ They have no way of monitoring if/how long a guest is staying there. At my school I’m for certain that someone who doesn’t attend the school could live in the dorms with their friends all year and it’d go unnoticed.</p>
<p>I second speaking with the RA, or the boyfriend himself to avoid drama with your roommate.</p>
<p>I would go with Baelor’s approach. This will be much easier if the other 2 roommates have also noticed/think that he’s there more than he should be.</p>
<p>Talk to your roommate and then talk to your landlord or whoever is in charge of the building. We have the same situation at our house, one of our roommates has a girlfriend who’s here all the time, even when she isn’t. She’s not on the lease. It wouldn’t be too bad if she was nice but she’s really not a friendly person at all, and she eats people’s food sometimes.</p>
<p>We’ve told our landlord and he’s been kinda useless but if the problem gets worse we’re gonna complain to him more.</p>
<p>has your friend talked about her plans for next year? Maybe they are planning on living together and they just have not figured out how to bring it up yet. </p>
<p>How would this work?</p>
<p>“Hey Pam, Mike has been here non-stop. I am glad things are going well for you. Are you planning on living together next year, or staying here? You are staying here? Are we going to have Mike sign a lease with us then?..”</p>
<p>That may open up the conversation some, and would let you know whether or not you should be loooking for a new roommate. It should also offer the opportunity to talk about what annoys you about him being there. </p>
<p>If the things are not that big, talk to him about it directly- nicely. Sometimes, just adding one more person to an apartment makes the apartment MUCH smaller. And most of the time the other person has no idea that something they are doing is bugging you. Especially men.</p>
<p>OMG I reread my post and noticed I made a huge typo. I originally meant to say that the conversation should be without the boyfriend, but now I am not quite so sure. I think that whether you and the other apartment-dwellers discuss the issue with just your roommate or with both the roommate and the boyfriend depends on his maturity, your current relationship with him, etc. In essence, gauge whether it would be better to have him there or not.</p>
<p>Hey everyone thanks for the advice. I know my friend is planning on renewing because she’s the one who brought the issue up. We all basically agreed that we would probably renew, except for one roommate who said he wasn’t sure. I’m anxious to know if he’ll renew or not. If he doesn’t we might just end up getting a new roommate to fill his room. </p>
<p>I think I may wait it out for a week or so, seeing as how this was the first week back from winter break and I’m attributing my best friend’s boyfriend always being here because they hadn’t seen each other all winter break. </p>
<p>I thought about it yesterday and I think a part of why this situation just bothers me so much is that I realized living with my best friend isn’t that great for our friendship. I feel like we hang out less, and even if we do it’s not like how it was freshmen year when we hung out for fun. Now we just do it because it’s convenient. Last year we were always together and were really close, but now she spends all her time with her boyfriend. </p>
<p>I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to make the situation a bit better. I’m most likely rooming with the same people again.</p>
<p>The other roommate needs to be honest about why he might not renew (if it’s the boyfriend). Any chance he would or should pitch in a share of the rent? How often is he there–every day? Why can’t she go to his place (maybe his roommates don’t want HER!)?</p>