I am a freshman living on campus and the end of the semester is approaching rather quickly (three weeks to be exact). I came to college expecting to make a whole lot of friends (like my older sisters) and some really close ones, but I have only made one friend and she goes home every other week to see her boy friend, and when she is here she never wants to do the things that I like to do. I have sat in my room crying my eyes out because I feel like I have no friends and when I talk to my best friend from high school she is having the time of her life. I also eat lunch and dinner alone almost every day. I even thought about transferring schools but I just do not know where I would go. I try to tell my parents but it’s hard and I’m embarrassed partly because my sisters made great friends at college and partly because I didn’t go to the school my parents wanted me to go to and I think if I tell them they are going to say something like “I told you you should have chosen a major sooner and went to the school that your sisters are at”.
Is there anyone else who is having the same problem as me or who can relate and give me some words of advice?
@e1h2m3 I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time connecting and forming new friendships, I am sure you are very frustrated! Since this seems to be making you feel overwhelmed and anxious so that you are isolating yourself in your room, I think you might benefit from a visit to the counseling center. 2 of my kids experienced anxiety during college and both found the counseling center to be extremely helpful. One D had trouble settling in freshman year, like you, and needed some short term help, the other one developed anxiety as a sophomore and continued to meet with a counselor regularly .
You will need to put yourself out there to find new friends, a good way is to join a club or volunteering activity or two which appeal to you, so you can widen your social circle by doing something you enjoy. A part time job is another good way, if possible and if you feel like you can balance with your academics. If you are not into partying, see if any substance free events are available.
Getting enough sleep and exercise is very important, too. My older D found yoga and zoomba classes to be a good stress reliever, also another way to meet people.
The grass is not always greener elsewhere. Freshman year at college is a huge adjustment for many students, and you may have had similar issues at the scool your parents preferred. Your situation is not hopeless and can get better, Temple has a lot to offer:) I hope you will take advantage of some counseling to help you get through this tough time.
I heard about this app on another thread, it might help you find students to have meals with, app is called “sit with me” It was developed by a teen who was bullied and was tired of eating alone, and did not want other students to eat alone either. I am not sure whether it is being used by other Temple students, but may be worth checking out:)
Thank you!
great advice @mamag2855
The link above did not copy correctly, the app is called “sit with us”, not sit with me, sorry for the mix up!
My daughter was in the exact same situation as you (though not at Temple). She joined clubs, volunteered, played ona sports team, but just couldn’t seem to make any connections. She ate most meals alone in her room. She did not tell us how depressed she was until winter break. I encouraged her to apply to other schools as a transfer student–including schools she wouldn’t have considered the year before. I think this helped her feel less trapped, but she was also scared that she would have the same issues at any school. By the middle of spring semester she finally made some friends and things started to look up for her. We all thought she would stay. But, when she came home for summer break, she made the sudden decision to transfer to one of the schools she applied to during the winter. It turns out this was the best decision both academically and socially. She still keeps in touch with the friends she made at her old school and she thinks it would have been fine if she decided to stay there too.
You should know that you are not alone. You are not the only one who isn’t having a great college experience. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you can send out some transfer applications this winter. If things get better at Temple, you don’t have to transfer, but at least you will have options.
Also, you might consider talking to your parents. They probably will not say I told you so, but even if they do, I’m sure they want you to be happy.
Good luck. I hope whatever you decide to do works out.
If you decide to transfer, getting settled at a new university may go more smoothly if you start in the fall, alongside other new freshman and transfer students. Family finances may be a consideration as well, since merit/need based aid may not be as plentiful for transfer students.
Have you participated in any extra curricular clubs or service activitues at Temple yet? Are you doing any ECs that you also enjoyed in high school? My D at Temple is missing taking Art classes, which she took every year in HS, so she recently decided she would like to add a minor in Art. Are there classes you can take which include service or field trips? Could be another good way to meet people. Are there any professors looking for student helpers? Could you be a volunteer tutor in a subject you enjoy?
It is difficult to tell from your original post whether you have social anxiety or any other issues which could also lead to similar problems, even if you transfer to another university. I am introverted and uncomfortable in new social situations, but I have learned over time that the payoff in getting to try new things and meet new people is worth the effort.
I still recommend some counseling to help you move forward, whether that ends up with you staying at Temple or not. It is a big decision and it is important that you get to the root of your struggles to be able to find friends. You may need some help with that.
Reach out to your parents, as @NoPSUforMe points out, they no doubt want you to be happy. Perhaps you could reach out to your sisters for advice, too. You may find out that they had challenges at times, too.
I joined two clubs and I also joined a basketball intramural team but no one seems to ever show up which makes it hard to make friends. I think I might try joining a sorority. Thank you for your advice! I’ll definitely look into a counseling session.
Hi e1h2m3,
TU has benefits and downsides. At times you may struggle to find friends especially when people make their own cliques right away. I think you are making a great effort in getting yourself out there especially with the clubs on campus. I recommend that you join very active clubs on campus and reach out out to the eboard members. I know a few of my friends lead organizations and they are really dedicated to connecting their members to each out to build a community within their organization. If you need help finding active clubs, check out owlconnect or the 3rd floor of the SAC where all of the major student organizations have offices. You are also welcome to reach out to me. I had a similar problem first semester where all the friends that I met were different and into different things. I hung in there and began to branch out. Slowly, I made a friend and another one until I began meeting people that finally connected with me. If you still struggle, I think you should reach out to counseling services because they can offer suggestions that are best for you! I hope your time at TU improves!
it took my son awhile to make solid friends too but he started to his junior year. he kept in touch with his high school friends online(and still does) to keep himself occupied. for him, it was a combo of slowly meeting people, hanging some with his roommates when he moved into an apt and had 3 rather than 1 roommate, and as he progressed in his major(and his classes got smaller), he started meeting and making friends in his classes.
he did not even realize a classmate lived next door to him until last semester.