Score my SAT essay please? (2-12)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Assignment: Does knowledge limit conflict or make it worse?</p>

<p>Essay:
Knowledge is vital to everyone. I believe that mankind would not get anywhere far if we are just bound by a limited amount of knowledge. Conflicts will be much easier to be resolved if we possess knowledge.</p>

<p>In an imperfect world we live in, I believe that conflicts can be prominently seen everywhere. A school is one of the examples where conflicts constantly exist. If two students are caught fighting, and the teacher does not have the knowledge of what is going on, the teacher might think of it as a normal amiable game where one hits one another for no apparent reason. And the teacher would allow them to go on because the teacher has no knowledge that it actually is a real and atrocious fight. Therefore, having no knowledge worsens situations. </p>

<p>Another example can be seen in our modern day society where crime constantly happens. Just a week ago, it was reported on news that a 12 years old girl was raped by a 40 years old man on the way walking back from school. The policemen had gathered enough evidences to charge the man of committing such crime. Imagine if the policemen did not have such knowledge about the incident; the criminal would still be out dangerously planning another crime since he would easily get away with it. Therefore, knowledge is important as it assists us in limiting conflicts.</p>

<p>Knowledge is important in the world we live in. Without knowledge, the world would probably be in crucial disorders whereby conflicts are not being solved. Therefore, knowledge is definitely a great aid to every problem in every situation.</p>

<p>I know this is written really badly :(</p>

2

<p>Rethink the topic. In both your examples, the person with/without the knowledge lies outside the conflict. In the police example, you’re not even discussing a real conflict.</p>

<p>Look at it this way. A member of your school board wants to impose a strict dress code on all students. Another member wants to eliminate all dress codes. THEY are in conflict. Do you think the conflict is the result of one person having more knowledge and the other person less? Would the conflict be resolved more or less easily if additional information were made available?</p>

3

<p>Like your other paper, this can’t be higher than a three (6/12).</p>

<p>You just aren’t telling me enough.</p>

<p>In what areas of life does knowledge limit conflict? You’ve discussed school and crime, but you need to go farther with each.</p>

<p>SCHOOL: What kinds of conflict exist? How does knowledge ease these conflicts?</p>

<p>CRIME: In what different ways does knowledge help to minimize it? What kinds of knowledge can lead to a reduction in crime?</p>

4

<p>Examples are too short and generic. Grammar is on the low end as well.</p>

5

<p>You arent giving the impression of a student who is ready for college. You know about fights in your school hallway and a current news event. </p>

<p>Did you read any books in high school? Learn any history? Know any inventors? Politicians? Is there anything in your essay that couldn’t have been written by a kid who slept through all four years of high school?</p>

<p>Beyond that your reasoning is weak: If the police knew who the criminals were that would limit conflict.</p>