<p>Greetings, all! I love this here forum because it has helped me throughout my entire college admissions process. I'm going to UCONN this fall, paying the bare minimum (books only, whoo hoo!) for a school I think I'll enjoy, rather than the school my parents chose for me. :)</p>
<p>The reason I ask your help today is my sister's welfare. She is thirteen years old and a couch potato in the worst way. During February vacation, she stayed in the house as much as possible, only venturing outside to take out the garbage. She has no friends to speak of, academic interests that I'm aware of, and weighs about 200 lbs. at 5'4". Tef seems to enjoy singing, but she will rarely practice and despises showing others her talent despite the potential I know she has. My parents seem to think there is nothing wrong; they set up a television in her room, which I hear blaring even late into the night, and the food my mom makes is rich with calories that only serve to help her gain significant weight every day. Her grades were nearly perfect throughout elementary school, but recently she has been getting C's and D's. At her last check-up, the doctor cheerfully reminded us that Tef should go on a diet (as though it were not of utmost concern, because she is otherwise healthy), but I feel that her weight definitely is important, considering how obesity is a factor in a large number of preventable deaths in this day and age, and my mom has type II diabetes.</p>
<p>I'm worried that she'll get worse before she'll get better if I don't intervene. I am going to get my license soon and intend on at least driving her around to places she can meet other kids and perhaps volunteer. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>I agree that it seems like your sister has some major problems. To me, she sounds depressed. My advice would be to get her back to a doctor, and do your best to ask the doctor to assess her for depression.</p>
<p>If there's any way that you can involve your sister in simple exercise activities, that also would be good. Perhaps, for instance, she'd enjoy going for slow walks with you or playing DDR with you. Don't act like this is exercise. Act like it's sister time.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom - your sister sounds depressed. I am surprised that the doctor did not suggest this as a possibility. It sounds like she would benefit from some counseling. If you can't get her to go to the doctor again, perhaps there is a school psychologist or guidance counselor who could assess her mental state and offer some advice to her and your family, or perhaps a referral to a mental health specialist.</p>
<p>It is very nice of you to think of your sister like this. I agree with Northstarmom that she should see a doctor and a psychiatrist. 200 lbs, 5 feet 4 is definitely in the obese range (bmi of 34.3). I would have done something about it, she is at high risk of a lot of diseases as she gets older. And your leaving is not going to help her.</p>
<p>Driving her around is fine, but couldn't you talk to your parents about this? They should be the ones who intervene and do something about it.</p>
<p>I love your ideas, Northstarmom. She's very fond of video games, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind a casual stroll. I think I'll try the latter when she gets home. I never thought about asking the doctor if she was depressed, but perhaps she is. I wouldn't be surprised, now that I think about it. </p>
<p>Carolyn, thank you, I'll be sure to get in touch with her guidance counselor. Tef doesn't like to let anyone other than me in, but I'm hoping she'll make an exception this time, because she could use some help.</p>
<p>Achat, you're right. I love my parents, and they're usually very responsive. Whenever they feel I'm off-the-mark, they steer me back on the road with counseling and good advice I usually take. They also try to reach my sister in this manner, but she has been withdrawn lately, and they're attributing that to a "teenage phase". Dad doesn't like confrontations and avoids them whenever possible. He shrugs things off. Mom keeps rattling off how I never went through such a thing and whenever she draws my sister out of her shell, it seems all they talk about is how she never has any friends call the house or how her grades are dropping. My parents are far more concerned with the ends than the means. I fare pretty well under their system because I can articulate what I want and take a stance. She seems to have trouble doing that - sometimes she throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way or gives us the silent treatment. I don't think it's normal, but I haven't been able to convince my parents that she needs to see someone. They're private people, I guess, and I doubt they feel that depression is a sickness. They figure if they leave her alone she'll somehow get through it.</p>
<p>It's a bit frustrating, and I'm really at my last straw. I'll definitely take all of your advice into account, and perhaps I can draw a few fellow adults into the conversation so they can help me get through to my parents.</p>
<p>You sound like a great sister. Can you join a choir or other singing group together? Read some nutrition books together and/or join an exercise class. She needs a partner to get her motivated. Try to find some activity with older teens or adults who won't tease her about her weight.</p>
<p>Thank you both for your kind words. I love her very much; sometimes when we're alone and we talk, we have a good cry. I have a few close friends, but Tef's the only person who knows all my secrets and I want to make sure she's around for a very long time.</p>