<p>My son is a great kid, recently graduated prep school and will be going off to college in the fall. He has found and started a spring/summer job working for a local landscaper and clears about 500.00 cash a week. Although we are proud that he found the job and is working very hard, we agreed that he has to save each week to contribute to his college costs by buying his books, a new laptop, and spending money while away at school (estimated 5000.00). He has already saved 2000.00. which is great but.....He comes home last night and tells us he is buying a motorcycle, says he always wanted one, and now that he is making alot of money (and it is his) wants to have some fun !!! My wife and I told him that it is not the time to buy a motorcycle and that he needs to save for the items agreed upon, he disgrees and says he can do both. I explained to him that he also has to consider insurance and registration costs (400-600), and will only use it for the summer based on him going away in the fall. Please note he has exlsuive use our of a third car and only has to put gas in it. He is adament about this....well after a heated discussion you can say we hit the roof and had a huge argument ensued....We are all upset and nothing has been resolved. Lately he seems really stressed, distant, and sometime just plain unreasonable and or obnoxius. Trying to figure this out....are we crazy or what ???</p>
<p>I don’t know about the motorcycle per se, not weighing in on that, but what you have described in terms of his mood and demeanor is very typical. I think kids are very stressed and nervous about going away to college - but afraid to express it. New experience - making new friends - living in a dorm, roommate(s) - higher level of academics - it is a lot to contemplate. Plus everyone is probably telling him how amazing college is - the best time of your life , etc. - that’s a lot of pressure. In my experience - this state of nervousness and apprehension gets expressed as anger and moodiness - just don’t take it personally. Chances are - he’ll be much nicer by Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>I don’t think you’re crazy. I think your son’s behavior sounds typical under the circumstances. </p>
<p>So what is your current objective? Repair the relationship? Block the motorcycle purchase? Something else?</p>
<p>I can only sympathize. I wish I could offer help. I do remember well the sense of entitlement my DD seemed to have in the months leading up to HS graduation. Wanting to be treated as an adult but also seeming to feel like we owed her something (I.E. we should let her spend her money however she wanted and then when it ran out provide her with all the fun money, money for books, etc that she wanted). I came here to vent and seek advice to find that I was in very good company. Lots of seniors seem to go through this horrible stage and it does often eat into the first year or two of college as well.</p>
<p>I don’t see any point in arguing with him.</p>
<p>Let him buy the motorcycle. But be firm as to what his contribution is.</p>
<p>When he doesn’t have money for textbooks and has no spending money, let him figure out how to raise the money.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>On safety grounds, I wouldn’t want my kid to own or drive a motorcycle. Death trap.</p></li>
<li><p>That said, if he buys a used motorcycle, he can sell a used motorcycle (or you can sell it for him). The motorcycle won’t be costless (insurance and registration, and you have to assume some depreciation), but it’s not like the full amount paid will be down the toilet, either. So as long as he is clear what costs he is responsible for in the fall, it’s not crazy for him to buy a motorcycle now.</p></li>
<li><p>From an economic standpoint. From a safety standpoint, it’s crazy. </p></li>
<li><p>My parents were really permissive. By the time I was 16, I had only three rules: call if you’re not coming home, wake us up when you do come home, and no motorcycles.</p></li>
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<p>The thing about textbooks - you can borrow them from the library. It is a pain, and you may have to request them on interlibrary loan if your library doesn’t have the right edition. You may have to request them a couple weeks ahead if you are doing interlibrary loan. But it’s not like not having the textbooks will cause you to fail the quarter.</p>
<p>Personally I wouldn’t recommend that. But “you can borrow them from the library” is a good response to a student who is demanding money for textbooks when that money was previously agreed to be the students responsibility.</p>
<p>I am against motorcycles for young people. Too many bad accidents. As long as it’s on my insurance (which it would be), I can say no.</p>
<p>I am not a strict parent as some parents go, but my kids know I’m firm on a few things.</p>
<p>I use Italian mother guilt…I did not go thru 9 months of pregnancy, 37 hours of labor, followed by a C section, 12 months of nursing, 3 years of diaper changing, 18 years of raising you for you to get killed/maimed by a motorcycle. Then I smile and hug them.</p>
<p>I appreciate everyones input. I myself had motorcycles when I was his age, and at 18 my friend died in an accident when someone hit him while we were stopped at a red light. My son is well aware that motorcycles are dangerous. Although he is aware I am not going to burden him by throwing my experience at him to try to stop him. I think that type of scare can be counter productive. I know he 19 years old and “at that age” but we are just trying to help him understand that at this point in time it is a frivilous purchase, and under the current economic situation he should use his money for more important things. He has use of a car, why spend the money on a motorcycle ?? He is a good kid and we love him unconditionally. This has thrown us for a loop, maybe my wife and I are making a mountain out of a mole hill ???</p>
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<p>The best lesson is the one he learns himself. </p>
<p>I bought a Palm Pilot when I was 19, against my parents better judgement. I realized how useless it was a couple years later and sold it. Since then, a lot of fancy gadgets have come out - iPods, iPhones, Smartphones, iPads, etc, etc, and I have never bought them since because I realize that I don’t use them.</p>
<p>Your son has the opportunity to learn a lesson in life. I’d let him take advantage of that opportunity.</p>
<p>It’s one of the ways life is different than in school. In school, they teach the lesson and then test you on it. In life you get the test first, and then have to learn the lesson after being tested.</p>
<p>Do let him know that there will be no bailouts if he regrets the decision later.</p>
<p>bigtrees, you have a good point, and I agree with you. It would be alot easier if it were a Palm or electronic gadget and not a motorcycle, an adolescent mistake could change his life forever.</p>
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Yup. All of the above here. It’s funny, I had this idea that when the admission/decision phase was over we’d all relax and have a wonderful cozy last summer together. And maybe that’s on the way, but right now, not so much.</p>
<p>Just to show how nothing ever changes, here’s C.S. Lewis’ description of his older brother in late adolescence–this would have been around 1912 or so:</p>
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<p>Is your son good with numbers? show him the stats on deaths and severe head injuries for motorcylcles. If that doesn’t work, go to the Internet and get some pictures. one has no protection when the person driving the car doesn’t see the motorcycle.</p>
<p>It is still your house. Just say no, but don’t yell.</p>
<p>If he wants to buy the motorcylce anyway because he is 18 - ok then he can pay for the cell phone, insurance, tuition, rent, etc.</p>
<p>You just calmy tell him you have invested way too much money in his gray matter to risk getting spead all over asphault.</p>
<p>*The best lesson is the one he learns himself.</p>
<p>I bought a Palm Pilot when I was 19, against my parents better judgement. I realized how useless it was a couple years later and sold it.*</p>
<p>I don’t recall very many deaths or severe injuries from Palm Pilots.</p>
<p>Would a car be a solution?</p>
<p>Personally, I’d freak if my son wanted a death trap, er, motorcycle. But if it’s a case of money, then I’d tell him that once he makes enough money to cover the agreed-upon college costs first, then all future earnings can go toward the motorcycle. Our mantra is: Do what we need to do (in this case, save for college expenses), then what we want to do (save for motorcycle).</p>
<p>I’m so glad I came upon this thread, my D has been distant, stressing, barely communicative lately. Says she can’t wait to get out of HS and will only keep in touch with a few people. Yet on the other hand will then go on and on about the upcoming prom. A real Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. It is stressing me out and I’m glad to find I’m not alone.</p>
<p>I am so dead against teens driving motorcycles that I would not pay tuition if one of mine purchased one. I was riding behind the driver when I was in college and we had an accident. The driver, my dear friend died instantly and I was left with damage to my brain.</p>
<p>I can tell you that our sons will not own a motorcycle. I don’t care if they are buying it with “their money”. They are dangerous and I told them that when they were little. </p>
<p>Perhaps it is time to show your son your bills. Perhaps if he thinks that the $500 is “fun money” because he works hard you can acknowledge how hard he works. Then tell him how hard you and your wife work. Tell him that you are proud of his work, etc. Next, tell him that you will now treat him as an adult equal in the family . You can start by pulling out the electric bill, the major medical bill, etc. You can show him what it costs to feed a family every week. You can tell him that he’ll now need to pay for his share of expenses since he is making adult decisions. Then just sit back 
I have a friend who did this with his son when he said, “I am an adult now, because I am 18. I can do whatever I want.” This young man is now on a budget. He goes to college full time and commutes. He also earns $300, after taxes, each week. His father now set up a budget. He has to save $75 per week, he has to repay his father for what he had to lay out for a car accident (another $75 per week). He gets to keep 150 in his pocket and out of that he must pay for his gas. He was very upset at first, but his father explained a few things to him. He told the young man that he has 2 choices, he can follow this plan while mom and dad are paying for college, and his living expenses and still have $150 in his pocket, or he can choose not to work a job, and have no money in his pocket other than what he gets from his parents by begging (a $20 bill here and there). The kiddo is doing dad’s plan since parents are paying for everything (food, college, roof over his head, insurance).</p>
<p>MJP…</p>
<p>Looks like about 14 weeks left before he has to go to school. That’s another $7000. He can probably do all that you are asking.</p>
<p>Try and really figure out what part is really bothering you. It will make it easier to discuss with him once you have had time to think about it. </p>
<p>He has been thinking about this for a while and has had time to develop his thoughts on it. You need equal time. Yikes. I don’t think that discussion would have gone well in anyones home :)</p>
<p>Start over when cooler heads prevail.</p>