When to play the parent card on the college decision?

Parents Forum
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<p>So we have gotten to a weird place with my son as he applies for schools. We had always said we could swing room & board, in-state tuition is covered for 4 years with the GI Bill, and if he gets scholarships to cover any out-of-state expenses, then he can have more options.</p>

<p>We have also said for years, a full ride would earn a new car after freshman year because we would save so much! (He says having a car is no big deal, especially if he goes to college in a big city.)</p>

<p>Good student, high test scores, top 10% and fair ECs, and he has a 2 reaches on his list, 2 probables, and 1 acceptance already.</p>

<p>Here is where it gets tricky: the already-accepted is at a large state flagship and comes with overlapping scholarships so all expenses would be paid, with funds left over for summer school and/or travel abroad. But his sister is there and parents went there, so he really wants to do something new. Which I get BUT it is really hard as a parent to want to fork out cash when he could go truly for free.</p>

<p>We have explained that without extra scholarships there will be no summer school at these OOS choices, no travel abroad because that will be out of reach for us, shared dorm room rather than a private (as his sister has already), and possible loans if he can't graduate in 4 years; he keeps saying those criteria and loans are not a big deal, how to explain to a 18 year old boy that loans can be a big deal??</p>

<p>He wants to go to law school, so any money saved could go towards that, but if he drains his college fund for undergrad, then he really will be in over his head with loans as an adult. And then there goes his sister, new car and a well-used passport, not because we like her better but because she made a better financial decision.</p>

<p>I get that he wants something new, I get that he wants to be away from family, but the offer is truly amazing and would let him have so many opportunities. Everything he wants is offered at this school ... he just wants it at any place BUT this one.</p>

<p>So, fellow parents, what worked in your discussions? How to reason with a senior? Or is that impossible??</p>

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<p>

Sounds like you already laid out the rules and now your son is calling you on it. Yes, it’s tough to pass up the scholarship offers, but he’s playing by the rules you already set. As long as you are very upfront about the advantages of saving the $ for law school and he makes a choice with open eyes, so be it.</p>

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<p>Agree with Erin’s Dad.</p>

<p>It’s a long time until April or May when he’ll be making a final decision. He may change his mind. Especially if he thinks it’s HIS idea to go to the less expensive choice so that he can have money to use for travel and other extras. ;)</p>

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<p>I’m not seeing where you told him he couldn’t go somewhere out of state as long as he met the criteria you set. You’ve explained to him that he can’t have a single, can’t go on foreign study and can’t attend in the summer without triggering a federal direct loan. I really don’t see where he has not met your original criteria. You can always offer law school (or any grad school) but he may turn down your offer. I don’t think it’s reasoning you are looking after, I think you are really asking how to tell your son you want to rejgger the rules you set. It’s OK, but you need to go in eyes open, because it will also be clear to your son that you want to change the rules.</p>

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<p>He hasn’t begun college yet & he likely will realize before graduation that more lawyers are needed only slightly more than architects.
;)</p>

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<p>Read more: [Just</a> How Bad Off Are Law School Graduates? | TIME.com](<a href=“Just How Bad Off Are Law School Graduates? | TIME.com”>Just How Bad Off Are Law School Graduates? | TIME.com)</p>

<p>I expect that with your commitment of covering COA of an instate school, he can find another school that will be doable with the addition of Direct loans & perhaps some merit aid.</p>

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<p>What year is his sister? In other words, how much overlap would there be?</p>

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<p>Agree with #2 and #3.</p>

<p>But make sure to explain that loans can be a big deal, since the amount he can borrow for undergraduate without a co-signer is very limited (and you presumably won’t co-sign). Also, let him know how much cost and debt law school will be if he does not keep the money in reserve for that. Show him sample loan repayment costs in context with typical new graduate after-tax pay levels for his intended major so that he can see what a bite loans can be. Show him articles about the job market for lawyers other than those at the top of their classes in top 14 law schools.</p>

<p>However, changing the rules late in the game (as opposed to giving him more information about debt’s costs to make a decision within the same rules) could be significantly damaging to your relationship with him.</p>

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<p>Would it be possible to wait for his other decisions to see what kind of FA they award? I agree with you that it would be tough to pass up a full ride, especially if he wants to continue to law school. If there is any chance of getting money from one of his other schools, it might be good to wait and see. Unfortunately, I don’t think many 18 year olds understand what a burden loans are until they are actually in the position of paying them off. You might put together a projected budget showing a potential salary on graduation, projected loan payments including law school, and all of the other daily expenses he will see. Maybe if he sees how much of an impact the payment of loans would have on his daily lifestyle he would be more inclined to go with the state flagship!</p>

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<p>Sister is a sophomore and swears she will avoid him on campus, should he end up there. </p>

<p>I agree with all above, he is definitely calling me out on on the parameters we set. Dang it. We just had no idea this kind of option was possible until our daughter lucked into it, otherwise we would have changed the rules earlier.</p>

<p>Having had loans to pay off, I just wish he could see some logic in trying to avoid owing money for the start. Not to mention potential disappointment when he has to come home and work during summers rather than traveling or staying away at summer school. Sounds like first-world problems, doesn’t it? I guess that will help him grow up faster when his decisions truly impact him in that way.</p>

<p>Budget sheets are a good idea. He has a head for numbers and maybe seeing loan payments versus tuition payments versus projected income will help his planning. </p>

<p>And I agree about lawyers - why do we need more??? I think he has watched too many episodes of Suits and just sees $$$$$.</p>

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<p>Maybe you need to sweeten the deal beyond a new car.</p>

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<p>You made the terms, I think you should stick to them regardless of his choice unless something comes up that changes the picture drastically. Two of my kids picked schools right up to the max of what we said we’d pay when they had some near full ride options. They pitched the school acceptances where the cost was over, but they picked among the rest. And so we honored our commitment to pay. Now had my DH lost his job or something happened to change the financial picture, that would have been a whole other story. But just because there are optionst to pay less doesn’t meant the kid has to take them, IMO. Unless you tell the kid, that he has to take the least expensive choice.</p>

<p>Clearly, just my opinion, and every family has to come up with what is best overall for individual situation.</p>

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<p>Unless your financial situation has become less stable so that you have a reason to change the rules, then agree that any change may negatively affect your relationship. Sounds like he worked hard and did his part. Since you already have one in college, can’t claim, as so many parents do, total ignorance of today’s college costs. </p>

<p>I suggest changing the rules in his favor, and doing it for sis too, to be fair. Offer to give him the rm/bd money that he’ll save at the state school, to bank and do with as he likes. More money will stay within the family, though there is risk that he won’t spend it as you would choose.</p>

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<p>Maybe you need to sweeten the deal beyond a new car.</p>

<p>I agree. Our son wanted the car (and got the car). Another child might want something else…European vacation, Study Abroad (show him some online study abroad trips), Ski Vacations, etc. </p>

<p>It is a long time between now and May. I would take him back to the univ, maybe on a school day, so he can see for himself that he won’t “run into” his sister.</p>

<p>When my younger son was a soph is high school, he loudly proclaimed that there was NO WAY that he was going to go to the same univ as his older bro. They had gone to a small private HS and he was tired of being “little bro”. however, by the time he was a senior in HS and had been on his brother’s campus a few times, he realize that the mere size would prevent “chance meetings”. In the end he chose to attend that school…and he and big bro actually purposely would meet for lunch every Tues.</p>

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<p>He really should be working some part of summer, anyway- either in his field or something that will look good on the first resume. And, many kids can still travel for a week or two, at the end.</p>

<p>I get the excitement about the free ride, in-hand.<br>
There have been so many times when DH and I wouldn’t try to “convince” our kids- or even let them think we were trying to sway them in any direction (though we were.) Just occasional no pressure, matter of fact or “thinking out loud” comments they could go off and process. For some decisions, the kid needs to feel it’s his own. Even when we have been leading them to water.</p>

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<p>your money, you set the rules.</p>

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<p>BTW study abroad does not have to cost more than the university. It varies considerably from university to university, but we saved money when our son was abroad.</p>

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<p>

That’s the OP’s problem: she already did.</p>

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<p>^ they can change…</p>

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<p>D1’s semester abroad was a school program, covered by tuition- all of it, including airfare and some spending money. Needs a look-see.</p>

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<p>Hey, it may be that what he wants, above all, is to attend a school far from home and family. He played by the rules as given. . . .</p>