<p>"WOW!!!!! What sort of prom was this?"</p>
<p>The kind that small, private, catholic schools throw - a normal prom. Like I said, there's always the wild crowd. They were usually the wealthiest kids with the parents who swore they walked on water.</p>
<p>Catholic school kids always had the wildest reputation when I was growing up and apparently still do!</p>
<p>I didn't attend prom- ( think I was dropped out by then)</p>
<p>My daughters prom involved dinner at the Columbia tower club- ( helicopter high floor to ceiling windows in the bathroom- that is about what it is known for :eek: ) then they all went to a hotel ( that I doubt would rent to minors) for the dance- i didn't chaperone- I was too fascinated listening to stories from her dates dad about his trip to Sweden to consult with the king on Noble candidates- one family had offered to host a dinner for the entire class in their "penthouse" (keep in mind was only 18 in the class and some of them were dating each other) but they decided to go for the club instead. ( my sister and her husband made dinner for her daughter and her date- but that would have been claustrophobic to me)
I actually stayed at her dates- with a few other people until the kids came back- then I took her home</p>
<p>EK- this was 20 years ago. I can't comment on what's going on now. Catholic school kids didn't have anything on the elite private day school kids when it came to "wilds". </p>
<p>Must have been hard to plan a prom for 18. They could have rented one of those luxuty vans to get around.</p>
<p>My D goes to Catholic school. Of course those kids can be wild, but at least they can't get away with anything at school, at events, anything were they represent the school. </p>
<p>At the school dances, there is a breathlizer at the door and the student spins rolls the dice...7 and 11 gets you the test...my D got to do it at the last dance...</p>
<p>They are pretty strict, and I am sure some it has to do with liability. I am also glad that at least at the school events they are safe.</p>
<p>well the prom wasn't just for seniors- others in the high school could come- do some school limit their dances to seniors?
The catholic kids I knew ( and it was more than 20 years ago for me) were wild because their parents felt that they had already done their part by enrolling them in catholic school- they were often the biggest drinkers and the biggest "sex fiends".
I still know some parents who feel that way- especially parents who were really good kids in high school- they have no idea what else goes on.So far nothing really bad has happened to most of them- but for a few- it is scary to watch- it is just a matter of time.
In private school- my daughter had a fairly small circle of friends and most of her socializing was through her volunteer job so I can't really speak to wild parties at prep school cause the parties she attended - I knew the parents and I knew the parents would be in and out of the room. I know that isn't standard- it wasn't standard when I was in junior high- but this group of parents was much more hands on than what I remember growing up.</p>
<p>a hotel room, from my high school experience, i.e. last year is an excuse to drink. but maybe its not a bad idea...at elast they wont drive places.</p>
<p>The "after" parties in our neck of the woods are usually held at someone's house. Everyone stays over, girls and boys. It hasn't really been suggested by any of my D's so far, to go the hotel room route. Honestly, I don't see it as that big a problem, myself. If it's in the same hotel where the prom is held, then at least you know that the kids aren't out driving. This would be a concern because I have yet to hear of many kids who do NOT drink on prom night. Having them safe and in one place with several friends is preferable, in my opinion, to out and driving and god knows where. If it's drinking and sex on prom night that's worrying parents, I think you can be fairly well assured that the kids who are drinking and having sex that night are not doing it for the first time.</p>
<p>p.s. I was another South Jersey girl back in the days when after prom meant driving to the shore and sleeping on the beach.</p>
<p>honestly i'm not a mother, but i think you have to know your kid.</p>
<p>Our high school has now resorted to alcohol testing EVERYONE who enters the prom - and some other functions as well. No test - no prom - AND if it is positive - kid is kept there til parents come to get them!!!!! They also send out letter to parents about not renting hotel rooms and the liability - and ya I also know about the MA parents being held accountable for their kids behaivor - nasty stuff.</p>
<p>Proms of 20 years ago are very different from the present - and kids actions go along with that as well. You may know your kid and their friends - but you then better know all the others as well. It only takes a little while for word to get around about who is doing what and where - for all those uninvited guests - ahem.....</p>
<p>I just love it when the kiddo says - but everyone else is doing it!!! - ya right - when the final word is in - that comment becomes moot - cuz it just taint so.....unless they don't know about it - which can easily be the case - being one of those parents who was ''well tuned in'' hehe I was very aware of the 'truth or dare' possibilities - many parents just have NO clue at all tho.</p>
<p>The word ''hotel'' here ='s paaarrrtyyyyy - no matter how you cut it - and is bad news bears - no matter how you cut that also - and one just KNOWS that alcohol and/or drugs will be involved - it is inevitable - and just takes ONE person to change a cool idea into a nitemare.</p>
<p>In our area - there have been many a prom where kids attending have gotten into trouble and have paid the price - in accidents - unable to participate in senior activities/graduation - suspended - suspended from sports teams that effect other non-participants, etc....... Is it really really worth those prices - or the effect it can also have on other friends and their families - NO it is not!!! The kids know the score before prom happens - and they also know the consequences of their actions quite well - those who chose to challange the hierarchy will usually be the ones who end up with problems. There is no need to contribute to those actions - unless you happen to be prepared to follow them up with your own discomfort as their parents.</p>
<p>my prom went from 6pm (dinner served at prom) till 6am. it was a good way to keep everyone out of trouble for a night.</p>
<p>how did you stay awake till 6am?
( more importantly how did the chaperones stay awake?)</p>
<p>Again, I've enjoyed the comments everyone has given but just want to make it clear I don't need convincing to say no. My initial remarks about my hair standing on end and possibly picking her up from prom were tongue-in-cheek, but hopefully indicated my distress. But I never went to my own prom, and felt I should at least get out of my cave and see what other parent's experiences and opinions were on this board. Now I just need to figure out how she can bring the evening to a safe yet graceful end.</p>
<p>I also realize in less than 6 months she will be 18, in a co-ed dorm, several thousand miles from home, and ample opportunity to indulge in wild behavior, and I won't be able to do anything about it. But till then, I'm not going to allow her to do anything that might risk her graduation or safety.</p>
<p>Taramom - good job - you willl make the right moves on this one - and good luck.</p>
<p>EmeraldKidy - here the chaparones are parents from a different class than what the prom is held for.</p>
<p>My DS went to a private school for a bit - they had their prom on a weeknite - AND expected all students to get to school the next am !!! All this to prevent - hopefully - the problems/issues that could occur.</p>
<p>taramom.. i think you should say YES... dont wait till she goes to college..your D would appreciate it and maybe act even more responsible than you might think.this is a suggestion of an 18- year old whose parents allow anything she wants and she is very responsible about it :)
she= ME ;)</p>
<p>Hi ena, and thanks for joining in--</p>
<p>I appreciate that you are probably quite responsible even though you're given all the freedom you want. For example I bet that even if your friends misbehave, you probably would choose not to. Something any parent would be proud of. But if one of your friends overindulges in something and gets sick, or if someone got hurt in an accident, or if the police came around and found something illegal on them, well you could have done EVERYTHING right and still, because you were there, you could be arrested or blamed for contributing to what happened. I think that is the part that parents (rightly) worry about--not their own kid so much. So I would just rather not put her in a situation in the first place, where she's vulnerable to that kind of risk. My style as a parent is to get out of trouble before I get into trouble, if you've ever heard that saying. </p>
<p>Of course I think the risk of anything bad happening is very SMALL, so remember it's not that--it's that the consequences are just too GREAT for my comfort level. :)</p>
<p>This is all facinating, nostalgic and now tricky as a mom. We will have the after party here with some rules. I love the idea of candles and tables in the backyard! We will have a bonfire, breakfast and try to make it fun while remaining scarce (after little brother got excited by the idea of surveillance it was agreed that he would sleep elsewhere that night). It is a fun night but i would never agree to a hotel. IN fact, at our school they can not have prom at a location that is affiliated with a hotel to avoid even the temptation. Ideas for an after party are welcome! IT is a fun time for the kids but everyone wants it to be safe.</p>
<p>With kids having cell phones now, word about a party can spread fast, even to kids from other hs schools or who have absolutely nothing to do with a prom. Prom kids can always find an older brother, sister or friend to rent a room and/or buy liquor for them these days. </p>
<p>Parents and school staff are fighting a losing battle in controlling post-prom activities.</p>
<p>There is something about "prom night" that is different than any other night. It seems in some cases, kids have something to prove, some line to cross, some experience they think they need to have, a kind of right of passage, so well its prom night, anything is okay....and often that can get way out of hand, and kids not even thinking about those things can get caught in the fall out.</p>
<p>Thats why prom night is different from other party nights. And no matter how good a kid can be, or responsible, with other kids involved, it won't matter. And there is something about a group mentality, normal rational people, when in a crowd can do dumb stuff. Or if not themselves, than those around, and on prom night, you will have many novice drinkers, too many kids in cars, distractions. Its just not that same as a group of kids just getting together.<br>
As well, there is the pressure to "have a great time"...believe it or not, sometimes proms can get boring, so looking to be sure they have a good time, something to talk about because it PROM NIGHT, kids can make rash decisions. Again not all, but those can get involved even if they don't want to.</p>
<p>My boys both went to the prom with a group. Both times, one of the girl's parents hosted an all night party at their home. This was unusual -- the vast majority of kids got hotel rooms. Don't recall seeing pregnancy statistics, but I do know that our high school had one of the highest abortion rates in the community....</p>
<p>im having my prom next thursday and after the prom (which ends about 3am) , we rented a bar where we'll most probably stay till 6 am and then go get something to eat. so we dont sleep at all here. thats how it works here! :)
btw: i still havent bought a dress, so any suggestion is welcome :)</p>