Yes, my biological father and his wife had a considerable amount of visitation.
About the guidance counselor thing I’ve tried going in there and talking about things and I’m really confused. I guess at my school all they do is switch classes and talk about graduation requirements and they act like it’s crazy that I assume that they will talk to me about other things too. I mean when I have panic attacks I just go to the nurse… 
I’m guessing it’s way different at other schools…
Parents have two basic choices 1)Stay out of a kid’s head or 2)fill it with so much crap that the mind begins to break down . It’s a control thing since a broken kid is easier to control. Unfortunately, it sounds like your parents have chosen the later and have abused you into mental illness. Now you must get professional help through therapy and medication. Your parents are control freaks, so you must find a way to get therapy without your parents stopping you, which I believe that they will ltry to do, since therapy would be contrary to control. Take back control of your life, starting with therapy and meds. When you’re strong enough, get out and don’t look back. More importantly, don’t pass on the cycle of abuse to your children. Breaking the cycle will be one of the greatest victories of your life. GL
You need to find a good psychiatrist, one who would put you on a course of meds but also talk to you about the issues in your life with a view to eliminating the need for meds. The demands and attitude of your parents sound as if they are contributing to factors to your mental health condition.
Keep in mind that, once away from home, you will be able to start over in a way and re-make yourself. You are headed towards freedom.
Best of luck to you.
Aww, {{hugs}} to you, Fluff! I heard a lot of courage and determination in your post. It’s good to have focus to keep you going, but I’m worried that you don’t fully understand how your brain’s chemicals (neurochemicals, neurotransmitters) influence how you think, perceive and interact with your environment. It’s well documented that early adverse experiences “imprint” on the brain. Scientists have worked hard to find drugs that can help. One may enhance dopamine function, one causes an increase in serotonin…some people even need to take a cocktail (more than one) to improve one’s neurochemistry. Think of it as a prosthetic device-different limbs and sizes depending on need. You need one that works for you. Trial and error unfortunately but now’s the time to try it. I bet you would greatly benefit from taking a class in biological psychology or intro neuroscience. Fields of study include becoming a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist.
Have you tried family counseling? Having your parents working on letting YOU take control of your life while at the same time teaching you how to take control of your life would be a good next step. Believe me, being a parent of a young adult, letting my son go to college and no longer having immediate control to protect him, is tough and scary enough as it is. It sounds like that will be extra hard in your family. Start working now so that everyone is more comfortable when the time comes!
Best wishes!
Sending hugs to you, and wanted you to know this is a safe place to vent and ask questions. Yes, you may get suggestions that aren’t to your liking, but please understand the intent is to be of help to you.
Can you clarify your situation please? The parents you are living with, did they adopt you out of an abusive situation? Just trying to make sure you are in a safe environment right now.
Going away to college will be full of change and surprises, and having a therapist who truly understands you is imperative. Keep trying, there are so many therapists out there, and I am hoping you can connect with one who speaks your language and can work with you in a practical way.
And medications have changed so much, there are more options to try, so please be open to experimenting to get some relief from your symptoms.
Hi. My daughter suffered from terrible anxiety in elem. and middle school. We didn’t do medication because it didn’t feel right, either. We tried therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, diet, exercise, aromatherapy!, homeopathy!, finally she started taking medication. After a few weeks she felt so much better and it was hard to find an answer to her question: Why did you wait so long to let me take meds? Very sad. We just didn’t think meds were for us either - all the years of suffering she had to endure because of our close-mindedness. 
Please talk to a doctor about medication. We all wish we had done so sooner. All my best to you.
You say that you don’t really talk much with your therapist. Please make sure you are telling your parents and/or your therapist about the thoughts you’ve mentioned here about suicide. You have been very strong and I am sure sometimes you get tired. Please know that there is more that can be done, things you can try…and your brain is still developing, much can change as you head into adulthood. Hang in there.
And…yes, I think think very few school counselors actually ‘counsel’ much anymore.
After reading all of this I think I’m going to go to my parents and talk about experimenting with medication. If something isn’t working I need to try new things.
I’m sorry for being so unclear. The parents I’m living with currently (mom and step-dad) are NOT abusive and very supportive. They are control freaks, strict, but all they are trying to do is be protective. I have been increasingly more open with them about my suicidal thoughts and harmful behaviors but there’s defintely room for improvement there. >.> Oh, uh they didn’t adopt me its just they have full custody now (yay!)
Aw, thank you pbrain! I am really determined although it’s been really hard.
I’ve shyed away from family therapy in the past just because although I feel like my parents are wayyyy overly strict… I still respect them and I wouldn’t want them to think otherwise. Also I mean they’re really defensive about others telling them how to parent or whatever. They don’t take input. Or they’ll pretend to and disregard it completely. -.-’
Fluff: Control freaks will not want a therapist to take away control. Find a way to do it yourself. Also research Stockholm Syndrome. It might seem familiar. GL
Sometimes if you have a disability, you can get a single room. If your school has Disability/Accessibility services, speak to them, and the housing department. Good luck! 
Also your guidance counselor may be able to refer you to some outside counselors if they can’t help you.
One of my D has severe acute anxiety disorder since age 3. She belongs to the disability resource center and uses it for testing. I visit her and she comes home sometimes. I talk to her every day multiple times. She is coping well but has her moments. I feel for you, just know you are not alone . I have seen my D suffer horribly her entire life. Just make sure you find resources on campus so you are prepared if you have a pinch attack. I bring her dog up once in a while and we joke if we can make him her service dog, you know what I would if she started to go down hill. And yes, most colleges will accommodate unjust need to provide them with copies of your diagnosis records and a copy of an IEP if you have one.
My do had fight or flight often in high school so in her IEP she was allowed to leave to go tot the school nurse. I wish I could give you advice to cure you but I can tell you that you are not alone.
If you try medication, remember that it can be trial and error. The long term medicine can take 4-6 weeks to see it is working and if the dosage is correct. Short term medicines are quicker but are not meant for long term use. Sometimes the doctor will prescribe both until the long term medicine starts to work. However if you find the right medicine, it can make a world of difference. Most likely, you will still need to combine it with therapy.
I’m not sure if anyone who replied will see this but I’m speaking to a new counselor and she has encouraged my mum to find a physiatrist. (: