<p>My S is brilliant but immature, with bipolar disorder thrown in for good measure. I don't know if he would survive in a dorm next year, considering he often forgets to take his meds and rarely wakes up on his own. I bought him an alarm clock that's loud enough to wake the dead, with flashing lights and a vibrator under the mattress. The clock is on the other side of the room, so he has to get out of bed to turn it off. Unfortunately, he then goes back to bed. I woke him up and left him sitting up in bed, and he fell asleep again. His excuse? "My head says to get up but my body says [expletive deleted]." </p>
<p>I keep wavering between hoping he'll have an epiphany between now and graduation, in which case he needs to send out more applications so he'll have some choices about where to go, and just saying the hell with it and making him go to CC for a year. He's applied to two colleges so far, but isn't terribly enthusiastic about either one. Some kids like S blossom when they're out on their own, but others crash and burn. Every time I ask him what he wants to do, he says he doesn't know (he'd prefer another year of high school).</p>
<p>Does a college hold it against you if you're accepted for admission, turn them down to go to CC for a year, then apply again? The other two schools on his list give automatic $16,000 scholarships to students with S's test scores and GPA, which is the only way he could afford to go there. I don't know if the same offer applies to transfer students. The deadlines are 3/1 and 3/15, so he would have to turn in a transcript request this week. Is it worth applying to the other schools?</p>
<p>Sounds a lot like my son (Asperger's/Bi-polar/OCD). Difficulty getting out of bed - check. Difficulty remembering to take meds (and other normal routines) - check. Immaturity - check.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, he didn't even perform well at CC, although the instuctors knew that he knew the material. Just didn't stay on task. Too many distractions to be come obsessed with in his new found freedom.</p>
<p>Perhaps a gap year would be more acceptable to the college. He could work on personal living skills (like getting up and taking his meds) while working part-time (if he can find it) or volunteering. I realize health insurance may be an issue, though.</p>
<p>My advice, get the FERPA papers signed up front.</p>
<p>Are either one of the schools near your home? I would be tempted to have a Sunday brunch tradition with a student like that, and visit them weekly to ensure that they are managing all the areas of their life. I get so sad reading this board at the end of the first semester, when so many students are overwhelmed by problems that could have been minimized if they had sought help earlier.
There are schools that have more support available. I'm thinking of the University of Arizona, where the SALT center is available (at an additional cost) to provide hands-on support to students with learning issues.</p>
<p>Can your family afford to send him to a private prep boarding school for a fifth year before he heads off to college? That might be a good way to try out if he will blossom once on his own, while still providing more support than he would get as a college freshman. It could be a regular boarding school or a therapeutic boarding school. There are also colleges that offer extra support. You might want to consult an educational consultant to get specific advice. You might get more opinions if you post your concerns on the Learning Disability forum in addition to this forum. Also, I second Goalidad's suggestion to get all privacy releases signed by the time orientation ends. And make sure they are complete... I signed some FERPA papers at one of my kids school, but they were not as comprehensive as the ones I signed for the other kid. In any case, applying to a few more schools can't hurt.</p>
<p>All factors seem to point toward having him go to CC for one or two years. Being able to get out of bed in the morning unaided by parents is a CRITICAL life skill in order to succeed in college. Plus, he isn't that emotionally or mentally invested in going off to a 4-year college, so why put the family finances at such a huge risk when CC is available? I personally don't think it is worth the maybe 10 - 25% chance that he'll succeed aka "blossom" at the 4-year. He's at risk. You know it.</p>
<p>Stop hemming and hawing and just make the announcement that 4-year is off the table. If he does a miraculous turn around in the next 30 days (unprompted by you and NOT verbalized as a possibility) then reconsider. After 30 days, it is just too little too late and CC is still likely the best place for him to be.</p>
<p>Ditto on the community college. I would also pick one that has a strong department in learning disabilities. (keeps track of ALL students' progress so that they won't fall behind)</p>
<p>I certainly see your dilemma. I don't want to recommend a course of action because I don't feel I have any expertise in the situation.</p>
<p>What I do want you to know is that VERY FEW schools offer the same level of merit aid to transfers as to freshman admits. You can likely check this by scrutinizing the schools' websites or placing a phone call to them. Many many schools offer NO merit aid to transfers, including those who received merit offers as freshmen (I know this first hand).</p>
<p>So another possible course of action is for him to defer from one of the schools which accepts him, after verifying that the merit aid offer will also be held for him. At the time, you could ask if he can attend community college courses during the deferral year, or he could spend that time on some other pursuit(s).</p>
<p>I agree with jmmom. Instead of "turning down" the admission at the college that gives an automatic scholarship, perhaps you can request a one year deferral of the admission? That way, he wouldn't have to apply again. During that year, your son could do something like work for Americorps or attend community college.</p>
<p>Duckmom, thanks for the article. I hadn't thought about a gap year for my S who may or may not be ready for college. I wonder if there are "programs" out there for gap year students? I just can't picture my son wandering around the world for a year!</p>
<p>Although a CC offers the advantage of the parents watching over him, be careful that the environment at your local CC is a good match for your son. You could also let him try out a four year college, but buy tuition insurance for the first year so you will not be out too much money if he cannot make it through. Re: the alarm clock issue- lots of kids take advantage of the fact that their parents will make sure they get up. If the kid KNOWS his parents are not coming in to make sure he is up after the many alarm clock alarms and he still cannot get himself up and is missing his HS classes or work, then I might agree that he is not ready right now to be independent. Still, kids can change a lot from application time to freshman orientation so I always advocate leaving a door open for going away to school until the last minute. Maybe keep a journal for a while where you list the strengths and weaknesses that your son exhibits and then make a decision after reviewing the record. I suggest doing so because I know when we are worried about our kids, we tend the see the issues we are worried about very clearly and sometimes the positives are not counted up as often. In any case, he obviously has a lot of support so things are bound to work out whichever school he starts out at.</p>
<p>If merit aid is essential, deferring for a year is probably the way to go.</p>
<p>I am not sure that he can then spend a year at CC, and still go to his original school as a freshman though... But a better option might be to get a job, and have some real responsibilities and real consequences for not fulfilling them... Experience of working hard for very low pay can also be very motivating for him to do well in college a year later.</p>
<p>Atmospherewise, community college and schools with a large commuter population are not like school that have a large residential community. Are there any small private colleges in your area where he can commute and get used to the school and the student before attempting to board? A lot of kids here commute to some private colleges. If his stats are good, he might get merit aid. Some schools that are tight on space even give a commuter's allowance.</p>
<p>goaliedad: I'm a military retiree, so S is covered by Tricare until he's 21, and 23 if he's going to college full time. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about. I'll definitely have him sign a FERPA waiver, and HIPAA, too. Did your son eventually make it through college?</p>
<p>siliconvalleymom: One of the schools is about an hour away, so brunch would be doable. The other one is 2 1/2 hours away.</p>
<p>annikasorenson: You sound like my husband! My S doesn't want to go to CC because he feels there's a stigma and because his father (my ex) has been harping on him to go to CC for years. Ex even pre-paid tuition for 2 years of CC and 2 years of 4-year college, which was a very pleasant surprise. I think S should to to CC for only 1 year max because colleges tend to start education courses and field observations by sophomore year.</p>
<p>jmmom, DuckMom, and nngmm: I hadn't thought about a deferral--definitely worth looking into.</p>
<p>cptofthehouse: The only colleges close by are pretty much commuter schools.</p>
<p>bessie: Good idea, but can't afford boarding school. I'll tell him that he's totally responsible for getting himself up and taking his meds without any reminders (though I may bite a hole through my tongue...) and if he's still asleep when I leave for work, too bad. Let's see if he steps up to the plate.</p>
<p>You may find some more ideas about this on the LD Forum. Click on Discussion Home in the upper left of this screen and then scroll down. I think it's in the Pre-College section near the bottom of that screen.</p>
<p>Lilmom -</p>
<p>There are lots of formal Gap Year programs out there. Try googling "Gap Year" and see what comes up. You also could take a look at student exchange programs such as AFS</a> Intercultural Programs and Youth</a> For Understanding</p>
<p>stevensma- you are a stronger person than I am regarding the tongue-biting. LOL! I think a gap year may serve your son better in the eventual admission process than attending a CC. Although academically (great career teachers, etc) I think very highly of CC's, academic support is severely underfunded at many CC's, leaving kids in an environment that could lead to more challenges rather then fewer. For a variety of reasons, CC's are not always "easier" than four year schools. The last thing you want is to have your son's transfer options limited. Does he have any idea of what colleges he is interested in? If so, check to see if they take sophomore transfers. Some schools do not. One other thing he can do is participate in something like Americorps and then attend a technical school if he has any interest in that arena. He could live at home, work with groups as assigned by Americorps, and take a class in computers, design , or some other practical area. Check to see if that would count as attending college though. Good luck to you. Our kids do not always take the path we thought they would and your son sounds like he has good support from you.</p>
<p>Glad to hear that medical is not an issue. With our son he just dropped out and is working part-time ~30 per hours a week at a local grocery store where he has had part time work since he was 15. It is a ritual he is used (important for Aspergers autistics). The independent college ritual with time management and the like was something he wasn't prepared for. Fortunately, it looks like he will be able to get benefits through his employment now because without his being a full-time student, I would have to drop him in a couple months when he turns 19. For now, we are working on life skills and will probably look next to living on his own before re-examining school. </p>
<p>The most important thing we are learning is that his development is not a race and that a bargain on education is not a bargain if he is not ready for it. I don't doubt that he has the cognitive ability to do the work (I talked extensively to one of his instructors whom strangely enough I am taking a class from this term - he tells me that my son knew the material, but was not able to function getting assignments in, instead focusing on tangental material to the course).</p>
<p>It is more important for a kid who is developing slowly to put them in a position for success than to risk further setback with failure.</p>
<p>You know your son best. If you think he is ready for CC, then do CC. If you aren't sure even about that, at least the setback isn't as bad (financially or even psychologically as it is clear that it is a maturity issue) as really messing up at a 4-year (where it costs more and isn't necessarily as clear where the problem was). A year off with a good plan of how to prepare for higher education (at either the 4-year or CC) isn't a bad option if done correctly. Otherwise it could very well just be a waste of a year.</p>
<p>This semester he started a class called Work Awareness and Transition, where they learn how to behave in the workplace, along with budgeting and other life skills. They also get some work experience (last week S stacked grapefruit in the commissary). They also discussed paychecks and what you have left after taxes, Social Security, etc. S was incensed! "That's just wrong!" Welcome to real life, my boy. I wish he'd taken this class a long time ago.</p>
<p>Cool! I asked about a deferral, and this was Juniata's response: "If the student would apply for admission to Juniata now and be accepted, we would award him a freshman-level scholarship. He would need to submit his matriculation deposit of $400 by May 1 in order for us to honor this scholarship level. He could then defer up to one year, attend community college, and then attend Juniata while still being offered the freshman-level scholarship."</p>
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<p>I am not sure that he can then spend a year at CC, and still go to his original school as a freshman though... But a better option might be to get a job, and have some real responsibilities and real consequences for not fulfilling them... Experience of working hard for very low pay can also be very motivating for him to do well in college a year later.<<</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>Totally and completely agree with this. Child needs to learn to be responsible. This will not happen just because his environment changes from high school to CC.</p>
<p>Defer admission. Have him get a job. Do not ever, for any reason, wake him up again (and it sounds like you are totally on board with that one!)</p>
<p>I know he has real issues that are causing his troubles. At this point, however, it doesn't sound like he has been properly tested to see to what extent he can manage on his own, you know?</p>
<p>Let him get fired from a job for not showing up. Really, what harm will be done? Let him see just how crappy a crappy job can be. Let him see how little a crappy job will pay.</p>
<p>Good luck. I have a very immature sixth grader with ADD. He doesn't wake up either.</p>