<p>I'll try to keep this brief. My son loves W&M and wants to continue on there with a passion, but we feel he is struggling too much. He has a C average over all. He has gotten a D or an F in several classes (and gotten A's in others). He has ADHD, which was diagnosed late in life because it was never really a problem in the daily high school routine, but as an adult out on his own in college it's been a huge problem--much more than I could've predicted. </p>
<p>He swears it's due to immaturity, that he can try harder, and he wants another chance; however, we feel we are through flushing good money after bad down the "loo." We are concerned for his health and well-being, but cannot convince him to stay home for a while. </p>
<p>We can pull funding from him and get our way in the end, but is it worth staying at W&M and graduating from such a school with, say, a 2.5, or would he/we be better cutting our losses and forcing him to transfer to some place easier and less stressful for him?</p>
<p>This is clearly a family decision, but the fact that you posted it here points to you wanting some opinions. I do not have first hand knowledge of ADHD, but I’m wondering if simply changing schools would alleviate the problem. The basic “lifestyle” would be the same, and although W&M is a challenging academic atmosphere, so are most other schools. Perhaps the ADHD (or even the self labeled “immaturity”) could be better handled taking a year or semester off, even taking some classes at a community college. </p>
<p>The fact that your son WANTS to try and stay at W&M is a good thing. You may want to check with W&M to see if he is able to take a semester off and then come back without penalty. Good luck with your decision!</p>
<p>If he is getting some A’s, he is obviously capable of doing the work. I think the biggest thing is to get the ADHD under control. And you need to have some honest discussions about why the D’s and F’s were earned.</p>
<p>one option could be to have him take loans out for the next semester, and tell him that you will pay the loans if he gets a certain GPA (you should be realistic… perhaps 2.75 or something).</p>
<p>If you haven’t had the money talk before, I don’t think it’s fair to pull it right away, but it is definitely fair to say that you do not feel he is using your money responsibly and that he only has 1 more chance to change that. It is important that you both work together over the summer to tackle the ADHD and go into the fall semester with a clear understanding of expectations.</p>
<p>I agree with the other poster that switching schools by itself is not likely to help immaturity or ADHD.</p>
<p>You ask is it worth staying at W&M and graduating from such a school with, say, a 2.5??? In my opinion, GPA is not as relevant when graduating from such a school as W&M. The fact that your son got in and graduates is what is important. Yes he should try to crack down and improve his GPA. But this problem might have occurred at any school due to college life, living on ones own and learning to set priorities for oneself. Pulling him out could create resentment while not solving the issue. Set goals of improving GPA each semester, and he should be fine.</p>
<p>Sent you a PM, but also wanted to mention that if your son just finished his freshman year, you might want to look at how many hours he did this year. I know that W&M really advises freshman to take a light load at first (12 or 13 hours) to give them time to adjust to all the other stuff they have to handle. If he took 15-18, it probably was too much given all the other adjustments. Look and see if he can take a lighter load this fall and get his feet back under himself.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters. Before doing something draconian such as transferring, give your son a probationary semester to improve his grades. You didn’t say what year he is, and you need to be realistic that he won’t be able to turn around a low GPA in a single semester. But first give him a chance to show that he is serious about improving. </p>
<p>He could take a leave of absence (or you could compel him to take one) while he gets his ADD under better control, and then he could return to W&M.</p>
<p>It’s such a wonderful college. It would be a shame if he couldn’t go back. It might, if course, turn out to be necessary or appropriate, but it would still be sad.</p>
<p>Consider hiring an ADHD coach to help him through the next year. Not cheap, but they can help get him on track, keep him on track, and teach him survival skills for people with ADHD. Those skills will be necessary no matter what he does in life.</p>
<p>10 yrs after graduation all anyone will car about is him having a prestigious W&M diploma and nobody will ask about grades. He should definitely stay!!!</p>
<p>This is probably obvious, but while a “diploma” would be fantastic, there may be a couple of other potential benefits that may be being overlooked:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>the benefit of being educated at W&M - no matter the grades, no matter the diploma, certainly most of us here would like to think there’s something special about the professors and educational experience at W&M. He gets those benefits each and every day he’s there.</p></li>
<li><p>the benefit to the students’ self-esteem should he succeed at such a highly-ranked and difficult academic institution. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>Since he’s willing to try and wants to stick it out, personally, I’d find a way to get him the support he needs (seems the College has some pretty good resources and policies in place in that regard), and try and stick with it. </p>
<p>In any event, sending him to an “easier” school could conceivably back-fire, as W&M is predominantly an “academic” environment, while many schools are full of distractions, by design, for students to have fun - sports, parties, etc. This may exacerbate your student’s problems. </p>
<p>Of course, I’m not in the OP’s shoes, and potential stress over academic performance is always something to take a serious and considered look at. And it’s not my money. Just thought those benefits should be mentioned.</p>
<p>“My son loves W&M and wants to continue on there with a passion…” In my humble opinion and I recognize this is an extremely tough issue, that quote from your post says it all. To paraphrase Steve Jobs, “have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary…” God Bless you and your family as you ponder this.</p>