<p>IMHO if you, as a parent, do not trust your child to make good decisions when presented with complex options, s/he is probably not ready for a boarding school environment. It has been said by many a wise (wo)man, we often learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. If the list the family puts together is a good one, let the child decide. If s/he makes the “right” (?) choice, then there’s no problem. If s/he makes a “wrong” choice, s/he’ll get feedback that offers information on why it may have been wrong, and be better prepared for the next choice. Still no problem.</p>
<p>I don’t think there can be a clear cut answer, there are too many variables. BS is a family decision, there can’t be true success if the child isn’t on board, but there also can’t be true success if the parents aren’t on board.</p>
<p>It isn’t solely a matter of trust, it’s also life experience. </p>
<p>I would imagine most applicants and families know more about the individual schools by the time a decision is needed (if you’re lucky enough to have a decision to make), and would factor that new info in when deciding. Yes, it’s the applicant who will live there for much of the next four years, but parents are adults, often able to see and understand the long reaching implications of these decisions better than kids of 13, 14, 15 years old. </p>
<p>Re post #19-- A knee jerk response that doesn’t consider the other side. BS is about taking opportunities to journey towards your fullest potential. Maturity is required, but maturity does not mean you’re “done,” no adult consideration needed, no more learning to be done. </p>
<p>Personally, I wouldn’t (and didn’t) unilaterally make this decision, but if there were significant differences btw schools (distance, cost, academics, opportunities, health care–the list can go on and on) I wouldn’t be ok with my kiddo making the decision without input.</p>
<p>@PelicanDad: I agree with you in principle. However I think that parents also take into account some aspects kids tend to overlook at this stage: socioeconomic diversity of student body, faculty and staff; quality of college couseling; location and cost; etc. These are more “rational” than “emotional” considerations. </p>
<p>If you look at some of the recent posts, many families had already narrowed down their choices: Taft vs. St. Mark’s, Hotchkiss vs. Choate, Choate vs. Andover, Andover vs. Exeter. They can’t go wrong either way. If a student’s preference is not particularly strong, I am OK with parents making the final decision if they do feel strongly about something and are able to explain their rationale to their kid.</p>
<p>Well, how many times and varieties of “if a kid can’t do xyz, he/she is probably not ready for BS” have we heard? I bet if we apply all of them to our own kids, most of them should’ve been kicked out of the BS door! 
Seriously, the decision discussed here is a difficult decision to both parents and kids - you’d know if you have gone through one yourself. Often times, you find yourself having a “looping around” discussion with your kid - you vote for school A, the kid says something nice about school B; you vote school B, the kid talks about something not so nice about school B… If you as an adult have a difficult time making the distinction and “pulling the plug” (read the recent post from a parent about their decision between SPS and Groton), do you expect your 14 year old to do it by themselves? When the deadline is looming, and a decision must be made, a more “sophiscated” parent, as ops suggested, would subtly throw weight on one side and let the kid pull the plug thinking they have made the decision while a not so sophiscated parent would take the lead and pull the plug themselves. To the two kids who posted here, I’d rather just reassure them that there’s no wrong choice, and now that a decision has been made, don’t look back…</p>
<p>^^I agree in theory, but to the extent you have these discussions with said child during the visiting and application process, the less likely you are to find yourselves at loggerheads in April. I also suppose some kids (& adults) for that matter are more naturally communicative than others. Still, I think it’s a little autocratic to mail off the acceptance without explaining your reasoning to your child in advance. And really, if you have a solid list of schools you’re happy with, when ARE you going to let go of the wheel and let them steer? They’ll be doing it in a car in a couple years.</p>
<p>^^However we are taking the 13-15 yr old’s explanation of their parent’s actions. We do not actually know whether the parents went into many explanations of their preferences, or if the parents heard legitimate and weighty explanations of the child’s preference.</p>
<p>Tolkein: Spot on re: socioeconmic diversity! My D has attended a junior day/boarding school for the last 10 years. While the school is relatively diverse compared to some (a number of international students and some socioeconomic diversity), we felt that we wanted my D to attend a public high school to expose her to a more diverse group of students. </p>
<p>By the time 8th grade ended, we were convinced that BS would probably be a better fit for her and looked at 8 schools. She applied to 4 - two of which are quite diverse, the other two less so. When we went for revisits, we realized just how non-diverse her favorite was compared to the school we preferred. While the one she preferred showed diversity on paper, when you get to campus and see and talk to the kids - they are much less so. </p>
<p>While I am sure my D would have a very good academic experience at the school she prefers - we are also concerned with larger life issues - like living compassionately and successfully in a world made up of all kinds of people.</p>
<p>I should also say that the school we prefer was a very, very close 2nd in her mind to the one she prefers.</p>
<p>We are in a different boat. </p>
<p>Our D got into the day school that was on the top of her list. They are bending over backwards to accommodate her (“we’ll drop this <x> requirement for you,” “we’ll give time off for your sport activity,” etc.) and the school environment would fit her temperament. She also got into several BS and decided to pursue one for revisit day. The BS has given us extra time to make a decision. </x></p>
<p>Upon revisit day we (the parents) felt the school, while a wonderful place that seems to care about the kids, were struck by the realization that the emphasis/direction of the school is not the best fit for our D. After revisit day she decided that things that were important were no longer important and vice versa and she could make things work. We think she could be successful in the environment and grow as a person, but don’t feel it is the right place for her.</p>
<p>As parents we are letting her think it through, but we need to have a serious discussion and come to a decision. As parents we think we have come to decision, but we want our D’s input.</p>
<p>We got lucky. At the end if revisits there was one school that was clearly the right one for my daughter. </p>
<p>Somewhere in the middle, however, there was a point wherever were on different pages regarding one of the schools. If she had chosen that one, I believe I would have exercised my right to veto. </p>
<p>Yes, if it had been her ONLY option I would have allowed her to attend, but there were a couple of things that surfaced after applications went out that concerned me and those concerns weren’t adequately allayed at revisits.</p>
<p>Wow, what a tough topic. We all want the best for our kids, and I suppose there is no ultimate right or wrong. Let me share our experience:</p>
<p>Last year our daughter had five BS choices the ultimate decision came down to Choate vs Andover. She loved the feel at Choate (a salute to ChoatieMom, who represents the Choate experience in a really professional way) and I thought Andover’s size better suited her objectives for leaving her day school for BS (anonymous confession to all…I was also taken with Andover’s reputation). I did influence her decision to matriculate at Andover, but let me share something…with that influence comes a huge responsibility (“burden”?). With every little hiccup, there’s a little voice in my mind wondering if that was the right thing to do. There comes a time where she has to make and take responsibility for her decisions, but was that time then, and for something like this? Fortunately, she is really thriving and seems quite happy…yet, that voice is there again.</p>