<p>here's the deal.
I narrowed my list of acceptances down to 3 school and from that list I got my top 2, Taft and St. Mark's. I really want to go to St. Mark's because it has all the classes I want to take and it seems like a really good fit for me. I also know that the rowers get recruited if they want, and I would be able to stand out as a student.
My parents really want me to go to Taft because it's a "more impressive" school than St. Mark's and the rowing program is a little better.
I just want to know who should make the final decision? It's not like I would be unhappy at Taft I just think I would be happier at St. Mark's.</p>
<p>I think you should try to calmly persuade your parents into letting you go to St. Marks. It is your happiness at a boarding school that matters, not theirs. Your reasons are logical which is why I think you should get to choose.
Side note: a friend of mine got into Andover also, but he also got into Brooks, his parents were surprised when he said he wanted time to choose. His dad joked that “He can take all the time he wants to make his own decision, as long as it is the right one.” But there is a much bigger difference between Andover and Brooks than between St. Marks and Taft, which is why everyone was surprised he was considering Brooks. After he went to the revisit day he went with Andover, not just because that is what his parents wanted, but because thats where he knew he would do best.
I wish you luck!
PS, I’m also in crew, but I’m a coxswain</p>
<p>I would only let my child apply to schools that I would agree to matriculation.</p>
<p>Given equal financials and logistical concerns, I would personally give my view and then let my child decide. Taft might be closer to your home. Maybe, dad is having a hard time letting you go?</p>
<p>Happiness is made. You would do fine at either institution. Congrats and GL.</p>
<p>It sounds like you prefer St Marks. This is important. You will be the one spending the next four years of your life day in, day out there. Look at some posts, I think by Winterset, whose daughter chose St Marks over several other schools and loves it. I think she chose it over Exeter or Andover. Given equivalent financial considerations, the choice should be mainly yours, but you need to talk this over with them.</p>
<p>Ultimately, it is their choice:
- to let YOU make the choice, or
- to make the choice for you.</p>
<p>Every parent/child dynamic is different in every family. How one family operates may be different than how another family operates. </p>
<p>My vote: you should get to choose. But, it is not “my” vote. It is ultimately your parents’ vote. They have responsibility for you, and I’m sure they are operating out of love and what they think is best.</p>
<p>I think for you the time has passed when parents should make all of the decisions affecting your life. But, you can’t jump right into making all of your decisions on your own, either. Now is a time when your parents should be partnering with you to help guide you - but not force you - into making good decisions, and providing a very strong reasons behind the choices they would like - but cannot force - you to make. </p>
<p>Parents would like to think they can force their kids into high school and college selections, but there are always routes kids can take to get out of it if they really want to. The best thing a parent can do is help you to make decisions for yourself by providing you with reasons, information, etc. Persuasion is best, not force.</p>
<p>Of course, what I think may not be what your parents think. Unfortunately, far too many parents think the “best” school is the most “prestigious” one, and there are many threads on here to tell you that many children are miserable at the prestigious schools when they could have been more successful somewhere else. Parents do not know everything that is best for their children, but their children also do not know what is best for themselves. This is where the partnership should come into play to find a satisfying solution. In turn, you should also provide clear reasons why you think your choice is best, and compare/contrast it with their reasons and your life goals, calmly, courteously, but critically.</p>
<p>I don’t know how you judge more impressive. Based on boarding school review the two schools have about the same SAT scores. Taft is certainly bigger, so I would expect more extensive course offerings, but they are certainly both good schools. I don’t know how your parents are determining which rowing program is stronger, but the St. Marks School girls first 4 beat Taft in the Founders Day regatta and NEIRAs last year. In both cases they made the Grand Final and Taft only made the petits. For the boys, St. Mark’s was third at NEIRAs, IIRC, and Taft didn’t make either final. I know there is a freshman from St. Mark’s on the Princeton women’s crew this year, but I don’t know anything about other colleges. Ultimately, you and your parents have to decide, and I believe people do better where they are happiest, but I would question the premise that Taft has a stronger rowing program.</p>
<p>well im going to taft, so that’s the end of that.</p>
<p>Awww… Did you decide or your parents? Do you really want to? Will you really be happy there?</p>
<p>my parents did.
they wrote the check and mailed it while i was watching a movie so i can’t object.
i have to be happy there because it’s now my school.</p>
<p>I’m sort of in the same boat as you. I was looking at E, A, and L’ville. I liked L’ville more than A, but my parents liked A more than L’ville. In short, I’ll be a student at Andover next year. I’m excited, as Andover is an excellent school with unparalleled opportunities… But yeah.</p>
<p>@cregirl and 00isme: Both of you were choosing between two schools of about the same calibre and prestige. My guess is that you didn’t express a strong and convincing preference on one over the other? Since your parents have been with you through the whole process, they must know you’d thrive in either. The decision might come down to logistics such as cost, distance from home, etc… You know there is no wrong choice here, so congratulations and good luck!</p>
<p>crewgirl, sorry but that sounds really sneaky and unjust. I would have killed my mom had she ever done something as horrible as that.</p>
<p>No offense to parent or child but we’re talking 13 years old here, lets be real. The trick, for lack of a better word, is to have the child think they made the decision. Of course, there were those parents that honestly thought their 13 year could fly solo around the world. For parents who whole heartily disagree with me, then so be it but just wait until your kid is 17 and you’re informed that you have been doing all sorts things all wrong. Meantime ditto for what DAndrew said, conrgrats and you better be excited!</p>
<p>My last was kind of a knee jerk response. I do think it is about the child and fit. I do know parents right now trying to convince their child on one school while she prefers another. It is about logistics for the parents but it is important that the child at least feel that she made the final decision. IDK maybe I’m just trying to candy coat my last. At least it’s nice to be confronted with the dilemma.</p>
<p>@ops: Where’s that edit button when you need it?!? ;-P</p>
<p>All kidding aside, I’ve read some of the recent “dilemma” threads and feel for the families where there isn’t a unanimous decision. Though I think it comes down to how the initial “apply to” list gets built…optimally everyone involved (and since the parents are footing some or all of the bill in most cases, yes, I think we have some say) should be cool with ANY of the options when April 10th rolls around.</p>
<p>^^7D, it sure feels that’s the case with these two posters - they were “cool with” either choice. Nonetheless a decision is a decision. At one point, you just have to choose one over the other. Apparently, in these two cases parents led the way in making a choice, and I’m glad ops agrees with me - it’s fine.</p>
<p>ur parents deserve a swift kick in the nuts.</p>
<p>^^^
Yes, I agree. It isn’t a good thing to do in the first place, but what kind of example is that setting. “If you have the power to do something that you want, just do it regardless of others that will be affected.”</p>
<p>I think that building an application list that both parents and kids are comfortable is the key. BUT - what happens when everyone’s initial opinion of a school is OK - but after applications are in and acceptances have been sent, you do some really in-depth research and find there are things about one school that you really don’t think are right for your child but since your child is 14 she/he might not see what you do??? That one school is the one your child likes for very different reasons (none of which are academic!)</p>
<p>Ideally, I guess you would do the level of research on all schools of interest prior to applying. But with two working parents and 8 schools visited - that would take a huge amount of time.</p>