<p>DD has about one month to go until she flies away to college. By the time she leaves, DS will be in full swing of his freshman year of high school. He won't be making the drop-off trip, obviously, he'll be staying with friends.</p>
<p>How did you make the transition for sibs? They are very close, but she is pretty controlling, and I actually think this will be a positive thing in the long run, as he (just turned 14) is beginning to show flickers of who he will be at 16-18. She leaves the day after Labor Day, and there is a church youth trip he would like to take Labor Day weekend, but I wonder if he will miss saying good-bye.</p>
<p>Did it help your youngers to know what their sibs' new home looked like?</p>
<p>Cangel,
We had the same situation two years ago--somewhat overbearing freshman college daughter, freshman HS son. Son went on trip, but stayed in motel/cottage with the dog and his laptop computer. Wasn't really interested in seeing the dorms, but did say goodbye to sis at the very end. Funniest thing, though: Literally on the way home in the car, he began acting more mature. The little annoying brother role evaporated, along with much whining. It was startling.</p>
<p>I don't think either of them would have missed saying goodbye at that point, but their relationship, now that they're out of each others' hair, has blossomed. It's very heartwarming to see how fond they are of each other now.</p>
<p>it worked better for us- to have the sib elsewhere at the initial freshman dropping off, then going for family weekend two months later so that D could show us around
( however she had a major paper due so we hardly saw her at all- I don't know how they schedule these things)</p>
<p>Hi cangel, my S (soon to be a college freshman) went to residential school several hours away for the past two years. His little sis, 6 years younger, literally worships him. Two years ago, she went with us to do the move-in and drop off, and she cried and cried on the way home. It took a little time, but she got used to him being gone. The next year (his sr yr), she and I did not go to the move-in/drop off (DH did it) and that was far better. She said goodbye from home and then went off to her own school. We will do the same for the college move-in and drop off soon to come. In our situation, it is best for the sibling to tell them bye from the house, then immediately become engaged in something fun or necessary (in our case, school will have started). I would definitely send your S on the youth trip . Of course, I realize every family and situation will vary. Good luck!!! Stay busy!</p>
<p>Oops cangel, I just re-read your OP and realized that I did not answer your question at all! Sorry.
In our case, D had seen S's residential high school, so had a feel for where her brother had gone. It's a nice thing to be able to picture the surroundings, but you could always take him later to visit her school. Maybe get her to e-mail photos of her new surroundings soon after arriving so he can picture it.</p>
<pre><code> My youngest son is also starting high school. When his brother left for Davidson as a freshman, 2 years ago, I accompanied the older son to college to get settled in. My wife stayed behind with the younger one-by the time I had returned home-he had moved into his older brother's room(slightly larger), removed every last remnant of his brother's existence(trophies, pictures etc..) and sent his brother an email that essentially said "it's all mine now, chump!". That first Thanksgiving when the older one came home to his 'new'(smaller) bedroom was quite interesting-sibling rivalry at its best(?worst). Maybe because tey were both boys, but no tears were shed at the older one's departure.
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<p>My S is watching the preparations for D's departure carefully. He said the other day, "Mom, where do you think I should go to college?" When I gave him my opinion he told me that was exactly the kind of school he would never want to go to:). It was Swarthmore. Then he said he wished he could go to college now, that high school was a waste of time. So at least this has gotten him thinking beyond the "I'm going to Stanford and that is that."</p>
<p>In our house, he will miss her but also be free because we also have the powerful older sister dynamic going on.</p>
<p>I will be taking D, S will stay home as his school will have started and 3000 miles is a long way for a weekend trip. You have to think it's not such a big goodbye, in a way. She will be home in October for a week. They will IM eachother. And you also have to think in a way it is such a big goodbye that where the saying of the words happens probably isn't the defining characteristic.</p>
<p>I remember realizing after my freshman year in college, when I did a summer in France, realizing with a start that I would never live at home again. I was right.</p>
<p>I have been reading the recent threads and wondering. I never ever assumed I would have my kids nearby when they were adults. I guess because my brother and sisters and I all moved away. I have no expectations.</p>
<p>Of course, my brother and sister and I all moved back. I read that kids move back if a) the family has resources b) the family lives in an environment with opportunities. Makes sense. Well I will only hope that the glories of the Bay Area will pull them back. But I feel they are gone once they go, and that maybe but only maybe they will make the choice to return.</p>
<p>How was China?
Total non sequitur. I just heard about a young woman who will be attending Harvard this fall. She is the 11th generation (the family started in 1647!), and the first female to go. Apparently some stay pretty close.</p>
<p>S1 went on outdoor program for a week so DH & I along with S2 & S3
drove up with most of his belongings. The four of us moved his stuff in before he returned from the trip although rooms, beds, etc. could not be assigned before all the suitemates were present. He showed up after we did all the hard work! I think the younger two enjoyed seeing where he lived, the campus, etc. S2 attends school a plane ride away at a school which starts late. I helped him move in frosh year and on the first weekend DH and S3 came to visit. I like having sibs help with the move in if at all possible. There were a lot of fights among my boys while they were growing up but now they have a great relationship so I like to include them in each other's lives whenever possible.</p>
<p>Hubbell's Dad - best laugh today, it won't happen at my house because son has the better room already, it is the bathroom that will be a bone of contention.
Tabby, EK - thanks for the insight, our son's reaction will be in there somewhere, not too dramatic - I'm hoping for the effect as Driver's son
Alumother - reverse psychology, it is at work at our house, too.</p>
<p>Marite - China was a great trip. Looks like I will be spending about 20% of my time there. Training young programmers in marketing etc. So amazingly interesting. Turns out they play Worlds of Warfare too:). Anyway, cangel, maybe it is reverse psychology. Or else it's reverse Brer Rabbit - "Don't throw me in the briar patch!" My equivalent would be, "Goodbye my darling daughter, first born, you of the sweet cheeks, don't you dare ever come home again!"</p>
<p>I barely even noticed my oldest brother's departure to college.</p>
<p>But I am the youngest and my other brother attends the same cc as me (the slightly depressing little place it is..) and there is a good chance that he will attend the same four-year as me. I don't know whether I would like it or not, because we've been in school together since elementary.</p>
<p>cangel we went through this last year. andison stayed with friends while dh and I took S#1 to college. The morning we left, S#1 was in the kitchen saying good bye to andison. They're very close. S1 told andison to say good bye to his gf and then broke down crying. I had held it together until then but that caused me to lose it too. However, andison really didn't show too much emotion at that point.
Then when I was taking andison to visit Swarthmore, a couple of months later, we stopped by S1's school. It was the first time andison had seen S1's college and more importantly, it was the first time he actually came to terms with seeing that S1 was "living" somewhere else. As we got into the car to travel home, andison started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he wished that S1 could come home with us. You can't imagine how painful this was to hear. We talked about it and it came about that until then andison hadn't really pictured S1 living away because he hadn't actually seen anything. It was so sad. I wished then that we had taken him with us to drop S1 off.</p>
<p>My daughter accompanied my husband and son on moving in day when son started college. She was starting sixth grade when her brother was starting college and enjoyed feeling like part of such a grownup process. Although she missed her brother the age difference meant they didn't do that much together anyway (they are much closer now that she in in college and he is a twenty-something). Also, the day after son left for college we bought a pink towel set for the bathroom she and her brother share at home--something we would not have done when it was a boy-and-girl bathroom--a superficial treat but fun all the same. She also got sole possession of the second phone line, which made her feel very grown up, since for several years before that she had a phone in her room but the calls were always for her brother and her friends had called on our line to avoid disturbing a high school kid. </p>
<p>All in all, that first transition went pretty smoothly; the hard part is sending the second child off to college and being year-round empty-nesters.</p>
<p>I don't know how well this will work but we are <em>all</em> going to drop D off at college (me, DH, S14 & S7). First, we're having a family vacation for 2 weeks not too far away from the school. Then, when vacation winds up we drive D to college. </p>
<p>The main reason for all of us going is my little S, who can barely grasp the notion of his sister living elsewhere-- he's still unclear on cities vs. states vs. countries; thought the state of D's college was a foriegn country, for crying out loud. I want him to have a good visual picture of D, her dorm, the roommate, the school. I want him to be able to place her in his mind when she talks about things on the phone.</p>
<p>The school sent us a calendar of 2005-6 events that I tacked up on the fridge. One of them was "Homecoming." </p>
<p>S has obviously read it because he mentioned today that he'd like to visit D for Homecoming. I explained that flying back and forth was going to be quite expensive, so we probably would not be able to visit that often and thus we'd probably miss Homecoming this year. He thought about it a minute and said, "Well, we wouldn't have to go to every Homecoming, just the one where Sissy would be the queen." :) Brought tears to my eyes.</p>
<p>When S1 went off to college, we drove from Atlanta to Philly, and had barely enough room for ourselves in the car. S2 and D stayed home, with friends. It amazed us (and probably them) afterwards how much S2 and D missed S1. They spent a lot of time IMing him. D complained everytime she had to set the table for 4 instead of 5. The two boys have always been close, and they both dote on little sister. The separation was keenly felt by the ones at home (don't think it was felt as much by the one off enjoying his independence).</p>
<p>So, the following year, everyone wanted to go, which meant taking the younger two out of school for a day or two. Toughest on S2 who was a junior. But I do think it helped them to be there. (There, now I've answered your questions. But I'm on a roll. :) )</p>
<p>The 3rd year, S1 took himself to school, because the rest of us had moved to Germany, and he'd been working an internship in DC and wasn't home anyway. It was probably the easiest of them all! We weren't involved at all, and very preoccupied here. S1 also went out and bought himself a digital camera with the idea that he could send us photos of his room and such. As I recall, we got a lot of pictures of his new electric guitar, and not much else. :)</p>
<p>His senior year was extremely hard, because we drove him and S2 BOTH to the Munich airport and sent them on their way to Philly and NYC for their senior and freshmen years, respectively. We held our collective breath for safe-arrival phone calls, and the entire year since has been one of learning to let go. And learning to cook entirely differently, now that my two teenage-boy-appetites were gone.</p>
<p>Cangel,
Total 180 here. The three of us went to the airport with S when he left four years ago. (I will admit that I cried but restrained myself from bawling.) D wasn't the least bit interested in his campus even when we went out there to visit or attend graduation.</p>
<p>This is really dumb. We are making the transition by moving college bound son OUT of the bedroom he shared with other son and into another bedroom. Buying a new bedroom set (!), that bedroom set they were using was the old This End Up bunk bed set! Remember those huge clunky things? Everyone under the son around here was buying them 22 years ago! Refinishing the floor, buying new carpets and new bedroom set picked out by remaining son as it is fully his room now. I'm estatic! By the way, brothers will not actually say good by as one is away on the West Coast doing voluntter work and will not return until after other's college move in.
Thank you folks for letting me tell about all this. I'm very excitied about redoing the room.</p>