<p>Ummm…he has to commit by Friday?
If you have any questions about Mudd, let me know. It is VERY different from Stanford/UVA/Harvard, but it is a terrific school and my S was considering it until the very, very end last year.</p>
<p>I think he has well thought out reasons for not going to Harvard. He has come to the same conclusion that other top students who didn’t apply in the first place also have, it’s just not the right place. I don’t think he should feel obligated to go just because he was admitted. </p>
<p>Just curious, did he apply SCEA to Stanford?</p>
<p>25 years ago this week I was in Draegers, the fancy grocery store near Stanford in the check out line. I had had a long night on call and was my usual ‘less than charming the night after’ persona- the night on call having been consumed with the usual array of horrifically sick children.</p>
<p>The women in line were Stanford Matrons (or so I saw them then!!) going on and on about college admissions. One mother, in particular, was the recipient of a great deal of ‘clucking and tsking’ energy as the other women acknowledged the justifiable sadness and in fact injustice of her poor daughter who had to go to Duke instead of Brown,which she loved more than they loved her. </p>
<p>This was my first exposure to this sort of hooey, and I was in no mood to suffer whiners. I was disinhibited after no sleep. I chimed in (I knew one of the women as the spouse of an attending doctor). My feeling was this was ridiculous self indulgence and that it was time for the child to get ready to be happy at the fantastic school she would be attending. </p>
<p>I am sorry your son has not been accepted to his dream school, only the Harvard back up option.</p>
<p>"I know it will work out though and I know if he is happy he will have great success. "</p>
<p>Don’t you have confidence that in fact he could likely be happy at any of these schools? Acknowledge the dream (Possibly) lost. Maybe this is the first time he has heard a (possible) no in his whole life, which naturally is tough…but we have to learn sometime!</p>
<p>Well, I’m going to throw out this option- have him accept H and stay on the Waitlist for Stanford. If FA is not a factor, then letting Stanford know that could move him up to the top of the list. If he doesn’t clear the WL this summer, he could then try transferring into
Stanford next year. Just a thought.
That said, there is a huge difference in the “feel” of Stanford vrs Harvard. They really do appeal to totally different types of students.</p>
<p>Yes, but if he does not like Harvard and S does not pan out, he may end up spending 4 unhappy years at Harvard, one the statistics about unhappy Harvard students. UVA is a great school. If he thinks it’s a better fit, why not let him accept there, keep on the waitlist at S and see what happens.</p>
<p>One final thing about the feel of Harvard vs. UVA and Stanford. It’s quasi-urban, rather than a college town or suburban setting. That’s going to draw some response, either positive or negative. In fact, the distribution of the campus is such that is is dotted here and there throughout the Cambridge urban landscape - the urban element doesn’t merely surround the school, it meanders in and out of it. That was a big turn-on for my small town daughters who yearned to feel part of a more bustling scene; it may be a turn-off for someone whose idea of college is more self-contained and serene. If the people you met on any college visit seemed unfriendly, perhaps you met the wrong people - if the classroom experience wasn’t very uplifting, you my have caught the prof on a bad day. But Harvard Square is what it is, the UVA Academical Village is what it is, and a cohesive campus like Stanford’s is what it is - they’re aren’t going to change, and the lifestyle preferences of the beholder may not be likely to change either.</p>
<p>Our experience was that Harvard pre-frosh was very similar to the real world of Harvard. Everything is available and the student has to decide what it is that he/she wants to experience. As a parent, I did not get sent away when I was there (which I believe was the year before MathMom - no parent tee shirt included) as there was a full menu of activities for parents. My daughter was put into a dorm that was far from Harvard Yard with a host that she never saw (she was handed a key) and nevertheless had a great weekend (despite cold, rainy weather.) The only time I saw her was when she called me and asked to meet her at the bookstore so she could pick out a sweatshirt. </p>
<p>In the three years that she’s been there, she’s never once mentioned the engineering school or anyone that she knows that is concentrating in engineering. It’s a bit difficult for me to understand why one would consider Harvard for engineering unless the student finds the school truly exciting for other reasons, which is not the case here. As an aside, Cornell’s engineering school is terrific.</p>
<p>If your son does not feel like Harvard is for him, then it’s not. He doesn’t seem to be looking for any reasons to go there, and I doubt that the engineering program would be a good enough one at this point.</p>
<p>Though he can stay on Stanford’s wait list, I’d suggest signing up for it and then forgetting about it and moving on. If it’s UVA that he likes, then so be it. I don’t know anything about their engineering program. It is a competitive job market out there, so while it is clearly important to have a good fit socially and emotionally, I’d also hope that my kid was marketable in his/her chosen field at the end of the day.</p>
<p>If one is used to the friendliness of the South or Midwest and one hopes to find that kind of friendliness at Harvard or Boston, you’ll be disappointed. Down home friendliness and what southerners would experience as hospitality isn’t the way of the Boston area, which is very individualistic. </p>
<p>Some people love being able and being expected to act so independently. Some long for a much more nurturing, warm atmosphere. If one wants down home friendliness, chattiness, and more school spirit based on groups, then Harvard isn’t the school for you.</p>
<p>kaywarn, You’re right this post did strike a nerve. I’m curious to know what part of the country you’re from as it may be that weather and regionalism personality are playing a part in your son’s perception of his potential experience. </p>
<p>My son was very interested in UVA (for a graduate program, this is) for many of the same reasons that your son is attracted to it, in addition, of course, to the strength of the program: Profoundly beautiful campus, friendly, happy people, an emphasis on balance and quality of life. In the end he chose the Northeast because, in part, that’s most likely where he will pursue his career, but UVA was a powerful draw.</p>
<p>I’d agree with the posters who say maybe your son should give this decision some more time. Call those friendly, happy people in Charlotteville and ask them for another week. Take advantage of his father’s offer to visit Harvey Mudd. Maybe another look at Cornell’s engineering program, which, from what I’m told is up there with Stanford’s and some say more highly regarded than Harvard’s or UVA’s.</p>
<p>Waitlists are insidious. They’re like a dope peddler lurking in the shadows. If you’re addicted to wanting a particular school your craving just gets worse until you get a definite no – or sometimes – yes. He should stay on the waitlist, yes, but try to focus on identifying his #2.</p>
<p>Good luck and let us know what transpires.</p>
<p>Tough choices but Stanford is a much better engineering school than harvard. It is not even close. UVA is a very good choice for engineering. A top 50 pick I believe. For engineering I take UVA without a second thought, if I like the environment, they are top 20 in several undergraduate fields.</p>
<p>^I don’t think so. They are slowing the pace of developing the Allston campus across the river which was to have housed a bunch of science buildings. But the engineers are in a shiny new building and Faust had this to say in February:
</p>
<p>^^ thanks math mom I was not sure if they were canceling some projects at Harvard. I edited it out before you responded since I was not sure. Glad to hear it was not true.</p>
<p>Gosh, kay – if your son hasn’t even visited Harvey Mudd, I agree strongly with momrath. I would have him ask UVa for another week, then get him over to Mudd for a visit. It might be difficult for him to stay overnight or attend classes since they’re very close to finals now, but it’s worth a try – and at the very least, it’s worth having him meet some students and talk with some faculty. If smaller and friendly with research opportunities and California weather in a suburban locale is what he’s after, he might just find himself in heaven there. It’s too bad he didn’t attend the Admitted Students Program a few weekends ago, but I know they’ll do everything they can to make him feel welcome if he visits now on his own.</p>
<p>We’ve stayed at the Claremont Doubletree, which was nice, affordable, and within walking distance.
[Claremont</a> CA Hotels - Doubletree Claremont Hotel, California](<a href=“http://doubletree1.hilton.com/en_US/dt/hotel/ONTCLDT-Doubletree-Hotel-Claremont-California/index.do]Claremont”>http://doubletree1.hilton.com/en_US/dt/hotel/ONTCLDT-Doubletree-Hotel-Claremont-California/index.do)
For flying in, I’ve heard that the Ontario airport (ONT) is less hectic than LAX (although maybe a bit pricier) and only about 10 minutes away. I think the Doubletree has a shuttle, too.</p>
<p>We Californians refer to Harvard as “the Stanford of the East.” :P</p>
<p>OP: It’s not as if your son is telling you that he’s forsaking Harvard for community college. These are all excellent and highly-regarded schools. There are no bad choices. Let him make his first adult decision and support him all the way.</p>
<p>Piling on here. He has probably gotten this far in the Harvardification process because, of course, “How can you turn down Harvard?!!!” But if he truly prefers another school, that is where he should be. Of course, he needs to truly prefer UVa to Harvard and not to see it as an easier school to abandon “when” he gets off the waitlist at Stanford. If he is being as realistic about this as you think he is, then he will be happy, whether at UVa or Stanford. If not, he won’t be happy at UVa.</p>
<p>My kids (son - junior English major at William & Mary, daughter - freshman engineering major next year at Bucknell) had a friend in HS. Brilliant, personable, fun-loving, good at everything, African-American female who really wanted to go to Brown. Got accepted at several Ivies, including Brown, but also at H. Wanted to turn them all down to go to Brown. Mother would not hear of rejecting Harvard, told her that she would not pay a cent for any school other than Harvard. Girl is at Harvard now, does not hate it but spends a lot of time pining for the choice she was not allowed to make, and shows her disappointment by wearing Brown t-shirts and sweatshirts all the time.</p>
<p>Good luck - I know it’s difficult but your intuition that your son should choose is right - it must be his choice.</p>
<p>2boysima,
I think I was not clear…and I apologize for my lack of clarity…
I was not stating the % of kids from the state of Virginia as a reason “against” Virginia, just mentioning it as a factor that is consistent with Stanford…and folks may not even be aware of the issue as a concern when putting together one’s list of schools to apply to in the first place … one of my summer sitters was thrilled to go to Miami of Ohio and yet, after her four years, she was sad that so many of her friends were from Ohio and would be staying in Ohio… it was an observation not a reason against…</p>
<p>it is hard to set your sights on a school that has such large numbers of “natives” when you are not a native…it skews your liklihood of acceptance towards rejection… </p>
<p>on the other hand, I often try to encourage students in Maine to apply to Bowdoin which is committed to taking 14% of their class from Maine…which is a lot of kids, when you also consider the overall admission bar to get considered in the first place… </p>
<p>honestly, I think I can build a rationale to go to any of these schools…they are all wonderful and yet different…and they do appeal to different kids…beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder, yes?? </p>
<p>I think this thread is more about the parents letting go of the “best” school… we all want the best for our kid and yet how we define best varies minute by minute… based on the criteria at the forefront of our mind at any given moment… we want them comfortable, we want them challenged, we want them exposed to people, places and ideas that enrich their lives… </p>
<p>honestly, I really admire those parents who are truly able to stand back and let their kids own this process… for the right reasons… I sat next to a mom during one Bulldog Days event and her child is trying to choose between Yale, Harvard, Northwestern and Stanford… he had applied early to Yale, was deferred and as a result has an abundance of riches now… and he cannot make up his mind… it seemed to me that she had a preference and she is staying mum and letting him choose from the choices he earned. That was one strong woman… I think she will be sad if he chooses a California option, but she loves him enough to let him go west… </p>
<p>someone else above me has asked where the OP is from…geographically…I too think that would help put the choices into perspective … perhaps!!</p>
<p>I suspect a parent pushing their kid into a school that they don’t want to go to will greatly regret it in the end. Besides what’s the purpose??</p>
<p>Well an update for anyone who wants to know…we are cramming in a bunch of last minute visits. My son and husband went to H. yesterday, and came home this morning to give it “one last look”, he decided once and for all that it’s not for him (he doesn’t think it is at this point) So we are accepting it for what it is, his decision, his 4 years. I am over it now.
This afternoon they just left to Ca. to go to Harvey Mudd and he is meeting with someone from admissions at Stanford (keeping fingers crossed), they will be back Sunday morning and Sunday night we are flying to Va. to take another look at UVA. We are doing what most do over months in a couple of days…that way he can make his decision by Monday night!!
So at this point its UVA vs. Harvey Mudd (and if by some miracle, Stanford comes through then he is on the first plane out west)
Thanks to you all for your opinions, advice and encouragment, I have taken a lot of time to read each and every one. I told my son and (probably making myself feel better in the process) that bottom line, is nothing is engraved in stone. If for some reason he doesn’t like where he ends up…he can always transfer.
I think what is meant to be will be.</p>
<p>He will be fine. If he did not get good vibes at Harvard, there was no sense taking up the offer of admission. S at Harvard has a friend at S and another at Harvey Mudd and they all love where they are. S decided against Stanford because there is no snow there. Fit is a strange thing. As your son looks over Harvey Mudd, make sure he keeps in mind that it is part of the Claremont consortium which includes Pomona and Claremont-McKenna among others.</p>
<p>
Hope the visits to CA go fine. I have three friends going to Stanford which is pretty awesome but I really want your son to <3 Harvey Mudd 
It sounds like he’ll like it!</p>