<p>Here’s wishing for on-time flights! Sounds like quite a weekend, but very worthwhile.</p>
<p>Good luck to your son on the whirlwind visits and his final decision!</p>
<p>
[QUOTE=kaywarn203]
I think what is meant to be will be.
[/quote]
Yup! Kudos to you and his dad for going so far out of your way to give him the opportunity for one last look. It will work out; he has great options. :)</p>
<p>I’m confused. Your son “LOVED” UCLA for 3 summers, but feels it is WAY too big. Can you elaborate? My son will be going to UCLA.
And by the way…you must be one proud mama.</p>
<p>what wonderful, generous, caring you parents are Kay and DH, to make such an incredible effort to help your son confirm his fit… I will keep my fingers crossed for the Stanford visit with admissions and also hope the Harvey Mudd visit rings his bells… U of V is a great school too and I applaud his acceptances at all of these schools … he has worked hard to have these choices. </p>
<p>Here is to peace of mind for all of you… you do not want your son at a school that is not right for him, no matter how good of a school it is…</p>
<p>You rock, kay! Let us know what happens.</p>
<p>I would say go to Harvard. It’s a lot easier to transfer to UVA from Harvard than the other way around. First impressions are not always accurate.</p>
<p>OP – when I first read this thread, I was going to say that he should go to Harvard and then if he is truly unhappy he could transfer to UVa in a year or attempt to transfer to Stanford. However, since he has visited a second time and decided it isn’t for him, I don’t think there’s any point in even considering it. Now you know that whatever he doesn’t like about Harvard had nothing to do with the pre-frosh weekend, cold feet about college etc. It really sounds like (i) he isn’t the type-A person that typically enjoys and thrives at Harvard; or (ii) he is a type-A person but doesn’t want to be around others who are just like that. Being around other type-As, even if you are one, can be very stressful and competitive and though you can thrive on it in some ways, you never really get a chance to relax. Both Stanford and UVa offer a different type of environment/student body personality and that’s probably what your S is drawn to. If he were to go Harvard now, there’s a huge chance he’d be unhappy and realistically I don’t think he’d transfer out – once there, he may feel pressure, whether from peers, family, or self-imposed, to continue on and that just isn’t worth it when he has other options. Does he have any concerns about what people are going to say (at school, in the community ) etc. if he turns down Harvard for UVa? It shouldn’t matter, but I’m just curious as we had a few students at the HS over the years turn down Harvard for Princeton and Stanford and it seemed like everyone in the world had an opinion…</p>
<p>I so wish I’d seen this thread before! I had almost the exact same experience with my son who has dreamed of attending Yale all through High School, only to be disappointed after BullDog Days. That, in contrast to a euphoric Princeton Preview experience caused him to lean toward Princeton and away from Yale much to his own surprise. I wasn’t sure what to think or do, so I took him back for another look at Yale and arranged a meeting there with a friend and his opinion of it did improve enough that he committed to Yale yesterday and turned Princeton down. But I have to say, I am experiencing a lot of regret and my son is having nonstop second thoughts. I was very moved by all the discussion here of head vs. heart issues. I wish now I had allowed my son to follow his gut (which btw coincided with mine); instead we kept thinking he should like Yale because he has always thought he would. I am to the point of thinking he might want to try to reverse the decision at Princeton first thing Monday morning. So my vote is: go with the gut! </p>
<p>And to the OP: I wish your son great success wherever he goes, and actually, the fact that he was admitted at Harvard ought to make an impression on Stanford Admissions. I hope he’s bumped to the top of the wait list and won’t have to wait long to hear the good news.</p>
<p>stringkeymom - your son will almost certainly be fine at either Yale or Princeton. I say this with two at Princeton. If there are study areas at Princeton that are noticeably better, that might be one issue that could cause problems. The only other thing would be if you son really will not be happy in an urban environment. Otherwise I imagine that in a year he will think to himself, “Yale was the only place for me.” However, if you really have second thoughts, I bet if you called Princeton and told them your son had changed his mind and wanted to turn downYale, they might go for it.</p>
<p>“However, if you really have second thoughts, I bet if you called Princeton and told them your son had changed his mind and wanted to turn downYale, they might go for it”</p>
<p>The son would need to be the one to make the call. I agree that the college probably would allow him to attend – as long as he makes that call ASAP.</p>
<p>Thanks, Alumother. My son almost reversed his decision last night and has not really made up his mind at all. I hope you are right and that if he showed up at Princeton’s admissions office first thing Monday morning with his reply card filled in and begged them to reverse the online decision, they would. (I wish colleges would give a three day right of recission the way banks do). He’s gone off to Juilliard pre-college for the day and I’m hoping that thinking things over away from parental influence will help him gain perspective.</p>
<p>To OP and stringkeymom and anyone else in similar situations: </p>
<p>It’s normal to have some “buyer’s remorse” after choosing a college. It may feel like the end of the world to you parents whose kids are going off to such prestigious schools, but I promise, it happens all across the spectrum of selectivity. </p>
<p>The way I see it is, if someone has a lot of difficulty choosing (and this applies to you especially, stringkeymom, since your son was so torn between two specific schools), this indicates that he or she would be incredibly happy at either school. Once you reach a certain amount of potential happiness, there really is no “wrong choice.” The only thing that could get in the way of his having a great experience at Yale would be if he let his regret prevent him from making the most of his experience.</p>
<p>I started this thread a few days ago in the “college search” area and got zero responses. It would seem to fit in on this thread pretty well. Forgive me if Gladwell himself is sort of a “pop” psychologist…but he seems to draw from some fairly rigorous research.</p>
<p>Making the Final Choice of Colleges… </p>
<hr>
<p>I know a lot of you are making the final choice today. Some of you are searching for the right method of making that choice. You might want to read the first few pages of Malcolm Gladwell’s bestseller called “Blink.” In it, he discusses how research seems to point to humans having a subconscious mechanism for coming to conclusions that runs sort of parallel to the rational and methodical fact-gathering and logial analysis that we tend to think is the best way.</p>
<p>To make a long story short, he proposes that the body (sweat glands, heartbeat, etc) reacts in almost instantaneous ways to certain things, far quicker than the mind can rationally and consciously…and that these quick responses are sometimes MORE accurate than the more methodical rational analysis. So…those immediate, first reactions we get when we first meet someone or visit a college might be more than just “emotions.” They might be quick, cut-to-the-chase, filter-out-all-irrelevant-info choices that are actually quite legit.</p>
<p>Bottom line is, if you believe Gladwell, don’t dismiss those first impressions as silly, emotional, immature, and meaningless. If a place just gave you and inexplicable “bad vibe” it might actually be a part of your mind telling you something that your rational conscious mind cannot quite grasp.</p>
<p>Agree. It would have to be your son who showed up, and it should really only be if he feels it will make a difference. And, if he really feels it would make a difference, I wouldn’t dismiss his feelings.</p>
<p>As I read this thread (& other similar ones) & I am reminded of my experience with DD on move-in day.</p>
<p>She had received offers from several wonderful schools and analyzed to death the pros/cons of her final three. We had visited all of them more than once, so the list of things to consider was pretty long) She made her choice, but as she said, it was hard to walk away from some equally wonderful places.</p>
<p>So, move-in day arrives and we meet one of her new roommates, a young woman whose parents were relatively recent immigrants to this country. She had not visited a single school that she applied to, visits were a luxury she could not afford.</p>
<p>So, we said, “Wow, you came here without ever seeing it?”</p>
<p>And she said, “Yeah, I thought it’s Yale, how bad can it be?”</p>
<p>Sometimes (and I am saying this with great humility & without a shred of criticism) we have too much for our own good.</p>
<p>Great post, worknprogress!</p>
<p>One thing against Harvard is that it’s very awkward to talk about. People are impressed, but they also think that people who went there are socially ■■■■■■■■ snobs. So at least he won’t have that to live down.</p>
<p>^ ^ It is awkward to talk about at times, but I don’t think my kid has yet to meet anyone who thinks she is a socially ■■■■■■■■ snob.</p>
<p>^^I refused to be awkward about it or worry what other people were thinking. It was my kid’s college, and I talked about it matter-of-factly - like any parent would talk about their kid’s college. No boasting but no apologizing either.</p>