<p>WP- you are exactly right. Kids will find there “group” pretty much anywhere. I think it is more important to focus on the opportunities and the programs, especially if the student is very self-directed and knows what he or she wants to do (or even has it narrowed down to a few areas). College is not summer camp. And so after a month of angst and introspection, my son has selected Harvard. There are just too many offerings there that are “right up his alley” so to speak. And even the barely 18-year-old came to realize he will meet like-minds once he gets there and gets involved in classes and activities that he is interested in. Best of luck OP and your son. PS- Stanford now has one more spot. :)</p>
<p>A learning environment with only one type of people, even with only super smart Type A, is not a balance and healthy environment for your psy at all. And it can not be called it honors diversity in the truest meaning :)</p>
<p>Well the latest update is that they are on the way back from Ca. apparently the meeting at S. went very well and my son left with guarded optimism. He thankfully had a few exciting incidents in his life that were pretty impressive achievements for a kid his age so I think they liked that, and it went according to him as a 10 on a scale of 1-10. So now we sit and wait! He liked Harvey Mudd but felt it was way too small, his own school was larger than that! It has I believe around 700 students. He said the location was excellent and for someone interested in the sciences,math and engineering, it is a pioneer with excellent research opportunities, but while he wants a “smaller” school he felt this was too small. He truly sees himself at Stanford, but in the meantime we are going back to UVA tomorrow “just in case”. He said a few kids he met were stunned when he said he turned down the big H, but he said he feels better about that decision than ever and knows he did the right thing. So I am proud of him for that, because with all important decisions in life, nothing makes one feel more solid than when in your gut and heart you know you did the right thing, so I too am relieved and fully accept it. I hope this week will bring about some clarity to his situation, so we continue to keep our fingers crossed!</p>
<p>It’s people like Endicott, who force us Harvard grads to say we went to school “near Boston”. Most people outside of CC have no idea where I went to undergrad.</p>
<p>Kaywarn:</p>
<p>Did your S take into account that HM is part of the Claremont consortium? Anyway, hoping for the best!</p>
<p>How did you go about getting extensions for his enrollment decision (moving it well after the May 1st deadline most students need to adhere to)? I’m sure folks would like to know this as well.</p>
<p>I’m not saying I necessarily think poorly of Harvard graduates. One of the most down to earth people I adore went to college “near Boston”! It’s just that it’s very awkward–impressive but at the same time, rather fraught. Some people who didn’t go to Harvard are judgmental (Oh you think you’re so much better than everyone else) even if the Harvard grad is perfectly innocent of all condescension; and of course, there ARE those Harvard grads who actually do ooze a bit of snobbery and ruin it for the rest of you! So I just think that, fairly or unfairly, it’s a hard topic to talk about in a natural way. For those who can do it comfortably, good for you.</p>
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<p>I came upon a situation where the person I was talking to had a D who had graduated from Harvard and the mom obviously thought that the average person would be judgmental if he knew this fact. I asked her where her D went to college and I had to drill down through numerous layers of questions, her answers being–Back East, New England, Massachusetts, near Boston, Cambridge, Harvard. </p>
<p>For Pete’s sake, I told her. Just say Harvard, why don’t you! It’s just a fact!</p>
<p>My coworker and his wife went to Harvard. Their S and D are at Harvard now. It did not take long before he volunteered that information. He is a nice guy all around so I did not hold it against him. :p</p>
<p>EDIT: Forgot to add the smiley face!</p>
<p>If your coworker and his wife went to Michigan and their S and D were at Michigan too and he volunteered that information … would you hold it against him? (Hope you were kidding!)</p>
<p>"I came upon a situation where the person I was talking to had a D who had graduated from Harvard and the mom obviously thought that the average person would be judgmental if he knew this fact. I asked her where her D went to college and I had to drill down through numerous layers of questions, her answers being–Back East, New England, Massachusetts, near Boston, Cambridge, Harvard. </p>
<p>For Pete’s sake, I told her. Just say Harvard, why don’t you! It’s just a fact!"</p>
<p>What she did is typical of Harvard grads and students. It’s also something that one can see in the old movie “Goodbye Columbus.”</p>
<p>The reason that she danced around the issue is that when the H bomb is dropped, so many people respond with things like, “You must be a genius” or the people peg one as a snob or assume that one doesn’t want to be in their company. </p>
<p>This probably doesn’t happen that much in places like Boston and NY, but in many other parts of the country, saying one is a Harvard alum is a conversation killer and may also be the end of what could have been a nice friendship because people get intimidated. This even is the case in the college town where I live. Unless I know someone very well, I do my best to avoid the subject.</p>
<p>Just curious–are any other universities conversation killers?</p>
<p>I was with friends on a tourist bus in Boston, a couple years ago, and for some reason the bus driver asked me where I went to college. I first said New England. He prodded. Then I said Providence. He persisted. So I said Brown. So he announces to the entire bus (on the loudspeaker) “Oh, she went to Brown. She must be REALLY smart.” And he went on. Needless to say, I sank deep in my seat.</p>
<p>We were at a family party about a year ago, my cousin introduced me to his new girlfriend. LAter in the evening she engaged my youngest in conversation about D school work(she was in 2nd grade), started to explain some math she was doing in school that was giving her difficulty. When I thanked her, she told me she loved teaching little ones, sorry she didn’t become a teacher. When I asked where she had gone to school, she said Radcliffe, probably the few people in our neck of the woods to know it is Harvard, I asked her why she said Radcliffe, she said alot of people just clam up once she says Harvard, she said Radcliffe didn’t give the same response.</p>
<p>I wear my dad’s old Iowa State sweatshirt a lot more than the one from the recognizable-on-CC LAC that I graduated from because it stops too much traffic where I live. I dread the day when people start asking “And why didn’t Happykid go to Famous-Name-College like you did?” Fortunately, Happykid is focusing on a career field that isn’t offered there so I have an acceptable answer.</p>
<p>On the flip side is if you told people you graduated from Harvard, the expectation would be higher with what you have done with your life. Not to say everyone graduated from HYPS becomes CEO, world leader, founder of Microsoft…But I would think the pressure must be there.</p>
<p>For Stanford, some say “the Bay area” unless they mean UC Berkeley, when they might say “near Oakland” or “the east bay”. Same concerns about seeming to flaunt prestige schools…
This is unless they are speaking as a Stanford student to a Berkeley student, and then the gloves come off a bit, of course, as in an H/Y alum exchange.</p>
<p>“. I dread the day when people start asking “And why didn’t Happykid go to Famous-Name-College like you did?””</p>
<p>I went to Harvard, but no one has ever asked why one kid went to an out of state 2nd tier public and the other goes to a nice – but not top 25 LAC. I’ve never seen any indication that my kids felt badly about not following in my footsteps. </p>
<p>I was also very happy with the schools that my sons chose, so have spoken with pride about their choices.</p>
<p>Who I did feel sorry about was my younger brother, who has less than average intelligence, and wasn’t educated beyond high school. It was hard for him to live in my shadow, and sometimes it still is.</p>
<p>“For Pete’s sake, I told her. Just say Harvard, why don’t you!”</p>
<p>Because then the listener tells everyone, “She just couldn’t wait to drop it into the conversation, could she.”</p>
<p>There’s no way to win. Conversation killer is a good way to put it.</p>
<p>IMO spending two minutes of conversation dodging and evasively hiding the ball makes it even worse when they finally worm the truth out of you. If you just get it out of the way when directly asked makes it easier to get past the H-bomb and keep the conversation moving.</p>
<p>I found I could often defuse the H-bomb and avoid the conversation killing by answering truthfully but in the same breath changing or at least extending the topic to deflect away the negative reactions. Example:</p>
<p>Q: So where is your daughter going to college?
A: She’s a junior at Harvard and after having grown up in California she’s really enjoying the winter and four-seasons of the northeast. She considers the snow to be a real treat.</p>