<p>I really wish we could give thumbs up or thumbs down to comments. I agree with the majority of the posters in offering support in the form of our thoughts and prayers to NCDad and his family while recognizing the mistakes this young man made. Hoping the next 9 days goes quickly. I’ll be thinking of you all.</p>
<p>Careful getting an attorney who is too chumy with the judges in town. He won’t be on your side and you’ll waste your money. Ask for statistics on the results they got for their clients in writing. Look him at on Lexis/Nexis to validate credentials and ratings.</p>
<p>Op- hugs to you, both for being an awesome parent and for being willing to share your story although it must be painful reading some of the comments here. I know county jail is not a country club, but your son will likely come out of this experience with all the courage and integrity you would hope for a young man. If there is a support group in your community for parents dealing with similar issues I encourage you to attend a meeting. It is so helpful when one is walking down a corridor of pain and anxiety about your kids to hear that other people have and are coping with similar challenges.</p>
<p>Just want to reiterate what many others have said…thank you for your bravery in sharing. You have sparked many conversations between parents and their teens…prayers!</p>
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No need for sarcasm–of course my loved ones have done stupid and dangerous things–one of them is still fighting his way out from under the attendant consequences. However, I don’t have a clue what that has to do with believing that a drunk driver should be appropriately punished.</p>
<p>MANY posters here expressed their hope that OP’s son could avoid a jail sentence. My point is that I’m not one of them. I think the impact on him and his friends, as well as on other young people in the community who learn how seriously this kind of thing is regarded, will be invaluable.</p>
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<p>[US:</a> Federal Statistics Show Widespread Prison Rape | Human Rights Watch](<a href=“http://www.hrw.org/news/2007/12/15/us-federal-statistics-show-widespread-prison-rape]US:”>US: Federal Statistics Show Widespread Prison Rape)</p>
<p>^heart sinking. Doubling up on the prayers for NCDad and family…</p>
<p>good post Mannix…</p>
<p>Thoughts and prayers to NCDad and his family tonight. Thank you for your courage and honesty in sharing your story. Hopefully your son will come through this well, put this behind him, and grow up to be a strong and wise adult.</p>
<p>NCDad – Just thinking about you and your whole family tonight, and how you’re dealing with all this with tremendous grace.</p>
<p>First of all I want to say I hope the op’s son all the best in jail. It will be hard but its just 10 days and drunk driving can kill people. However based on me skimming this thread I disagree that a jai sentence was needed. </p>
<p>A larger issue I think has to do with colleges and employers. A tragic part of American society is that we are a one shot society. Unfortunately even with one DUI or even a misdemeanor its hard for people to ever find a good job or attend a good college even decades after. lawyers, Wall Street, doctors, businessmen, etc are all held to very high ethical standards and in those professions even one infraction can end a career. It’s harsh, stupid and I think we lose many great minds because of this but its mostly true </p>
<p>Because he’s 17 do any legal eagles here know if he could get the charges expunged?</p>
<p>BCEagle, county jail is not the same as prison. As someone who has plenty of experience with jails, I can tell you that while rape is a real problem, it is not the norm. NCDad’s son will probably be housed with other misdemeanor offenders, most of whom will be other drunk drivers or incarcerated for minor offenses committed while drunk, some shoplifters,etc.</p>
<p>But in any case, he has been convicted of a CRIME. Whatever the conditions are at the local county jail, that is not a reason why the youthful drunk driver should be treated different than any other person convicted of an offense carrying a jail sentence – unless you are advocating that they shut down the jail and let everyone go free, or abolish jail entirely for all misdemeanors.</p>
<p>There’s the arrest. I assume that there’s a conviction too. This stuff is on the public record and presumably the internet and various criminal databases. That stuff is probably hard to undo completely these days unless you have a very common name.</p>
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<p>Thanks for the information. I don’t know a lot about how prison systems work and I suppose that they vary from state to state.</p>
<p>golfer3- That is incorrect. Check out the statistics sometime on how many drivers in Colorado have a DUI on their record. It’s a very high percentage. I assure you that many of them are nicely employed- many in professional jobs. One DUI, especially one at a young age, does not keep you out of law school or from bar admission. We would have a LOT fewer lawyers if that were the case, and maybe the whole law school crisis would not exist! There are plenty of students- even at “the elites”, as one poster in this thread keeps mentioning- who have blemishes on their records. It is NOT a deal-breaker. This was a first (hopefully only) offense, a painful learning experience, and will not ruin this young man’s life. I hate the jail-thing, though.</p>
<p>mommaJ - really, I don’t want to pick a fight. I wasn’t being sarcastic, honestly (some people ARE in fact way more virtuous than most of us, I know some of them); I was just trying to reiterate my point that we are trying hard not to judge OP too harshly for worrying about his 17-year old son being led off in handcuffs to jail, and why we are being so supportive… because we can envision ourselves in his (or his son’s) situation because of stupid things we (or our kids) have done.</p>
<p>And that doesn’t have anything to do with whether the punishment fits the crime, you are correct. We are all (including both you and me) in agreement that drunk drivers should be appropriately punished, and that OP’s son HAS been appropriately punished. We are much more in agreement than not. </p>
<p>Many posters didn’t want to see him have to go to jail because it seemed from NCDad’s posts that his kid was immediately remorseful, immediately took action to try to face the reality of what he had done, and very much appreciated the seriousness of what his behavior entailed. We just worry about a young kid in jail, because it’s scary and things can happen. It doesn’t mean we think he doesn’t deserve it, and won’t learn from it, or that we disagree with the tough laws and how punishments are doled out; we just are frightened for him, and it doesn’t make us bad or uninformed because we are relieved it’s only county jail and only a 10-day sentence. Given all the circumstances and the kid’s apparent regret and facing up to what he has done like a man, it is a fair punishment, don’t you agree?</p>
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<p>As a practical matter, many county jails are safer than many juvenile facilities, precisely because other inmates are more mature on average. Some teenage offenders are very violent.</p>
<p>I’m not rendering an opinion one way or another on what it should be – just an observation based on actual experience. I sometimes was appointed to represent kids who had lied about their age – saying they were over 18 when in fact they were younger --because they felt safer in the adult system and adult jails.</p>
<p>We know a teen who gets away with bad behavior and behaves as though they always will. I was so concerned with this negative pattern that I had a (fruitless) discussion with the parent. When kiddo starts to drive I think I will share this story. I don’t know if OPs kid is an ‘I’m smarter than them, I can get away with anything’ type, but for kids like that I don’t see how anything short of jail time would make a big enough impression on them to affect a change in thinking. With jail time, the message is clear - you didn’t get away with this. Plus they are forced to dry out, if that sort of use is going on.</p>
<p>I would love to hear mini’s thoughts on the best approach going forward. Does a parent tell the kid to take the bus to the CC? Do they insist on a sobriety test every week? The parent has some power if they are paying tens of thousands per college year. It is not unreasonable to expect sobriety on the part of their kid, wherever they study.</p>
<p>10 days in the county jail is one thing, but thousands of kids around the same age (or as young as 14) have been sentenced to life without parole (although this has recently been found unconstitutional for underage offenders). In a state Supermax, not a county lockup.</p>
<p>Often this is the result of a reckless mistake resulting in death, not the purposeful intent to go out and kill somebody.</p>
<p>Sorghum, I agree with you that the issue you raise is very important as well as heartbreaking. </p>
<p>I just think that if North Carolina treats teenagers 16 years and older for all offenses, then NCDad’s son probably won’t be the only teenager in the county jail. If NCDad is concerned, he might be to see check the web site for the county jail or sheriff’s office and find the number of a public information officer or someone he can call to answer whatever questions he has about the jail practices. They do have policies and practices in place that govern where they house different types of offenders. </p>
<p>Obviously I don’t know for sure as I don’t even know where in NC the family lives – but let’s not assume the worst unless and until NCDad posts about a problem. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to debate policy at this point. I just think that NCDad’s got enough to worry about without hearing horror stories about jails and prisons right now. As a lawyer I’ve seen the inside of many jails and prisons, and there are many places where NCDad’s son would be quite safe (certainly safer than he was the night he got behind the wheel with a .16 BAC)</p>
<p>It can be a learning experience as well. Not a fun learning experience, but certainly an eye-opening experience for a middle-class kid who may not have given much thought to the impact of poverty on our society and the hardships that many face on a day-to-day basis.</p>
<p>Again, thoughts and prayers with NCDad and NCMom. Please, seek counseling, emotional support, or whatever other help you need.</p>
<p>I am not endorsing drunk driving or underestimating how deadly it is, but I think that this article may help to explain people’s squeamishness with sending a kid to jail for impaired driving: [Driving</a> Tired : Discovery Channel](<a href=“http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/about-this-show/tired-vs-drunk-driving.htm]Driving”>http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/about-this-show/tired-vs-drunk-driving.htm)</p>
<p>There’s a bit of “We all do stupid stuff that could get ourselves, or other people, hurt, but when no one ends up hurt, should that still be punishable by jail time?” We’re not eager to wait around for some innocent person to get killed, but we’re also not eager to engage in “Minority Report” type sentencing.</p>