<p>The study cited in the article involved drivers who were tested after staying up for 30 straight hours–hardly the common definition of “tired”. I’ve certainly gotten behind the wheel when when I’ve had less than 8 hours’ sleep, but it’s ridiculous to compare whatever level of impairment might result from an experienced driver’s mild fatigue to the incapacity of a teenager drunk out of his gourd. Unless you like the idea of your own kid being in a car on the same road at the same time as OP’s son’s prom night escapade, please don’t compare punishment for an egregious violation of the law to “Minority Report-type sentencing”. (For those who didn’t see the movie, it involved arresting people BEFORE they committed a crime based on their propensity to do so.) OP’s son is spending 10 days in county jail, not 10 years at Guantanamo. I don’t get the squeamishness about a brief incarceration for appalling behavior.</p>
<p>I have a measure of sympathy for OP and his family for having had a rotten spring. But compared to what their experience would have been had someone died or been seriously injured that night, well, it really hasn’t been all that terrible, has it?</p>
With all due respect, mommaj, your hyperbole and insensitivity to the OP is really unpleasant, and your information is wrong to boot. One doesn’t have to have been up for 30 hrs (as that particular reference cited) to be driving when tired, and facing the risks of fatigued drivers. There are plenty of citations discussing the effects of driving drowsy, with 6 hrs of sleep, just as you admit to here. Here’s but one: [Driving</a> While Tired | Safety.com](<a href=“http://www.safety.com/articles/driving-while-tired]Driving”>http://www.safety.com/articles/driving-while-tired). So if you or a loved one have a situation, your fault or not, that is upsetting to you, please don’t look to the cc’ers for sympathy. Just because it wasnt worse doesn’t mean that what the OP and his family is going through isn’t terrible. Really now. How cruel.</p>
<p>MommaJ- Maybe it would be easier on you if you left this thread? I agree that your comments are extremely insensitive and while you are clearly coming from your own particular place, I think your point has been made. You are passing the bounds of reason, in my opinion.</p>
<p>Everyone needs to remove their excess emotions when they post in this thread. People are being (over/in)sensitive in the eyes of the “opposing party” due to the emotions they have invested in this.</p>
<p>Niquii-
This IS a topic fraught with emotional reaction. Its unlikely posters, especially parents, would or should post in a completely objective fashion. But posters do not need to kick a man when he is down. Its unnecessary and tactless.</p>
<p>** Not sure why you edited your post. We dont have any way of knowing what emotions any poster, other than the OP has “invested in this”, unless they share a personal anecdote or story. But no one wants to be the parent of the driver or the parent of the girl in the car… That said, sensitivity to these people is key.</p>
<p>Perhaps you can be a little clearer in/restate what you are trying to say. IMO this is an emotional issue, but when someone kicks a person who is already down, thats tactless and unkind. There is a big difference between being blunt and being cruel. And I think those being cruel need to dial it back. JMO</p>
<p>Of course you are allowed to edit posts. Was just trying to understand your point. My point, and will then move on, is that there is a difference between opinion/comment and insensitivity/cruelty, especially when addressing a poster in distress.</p>
<p>My heart breaks for NCDad and his family. You know, we all have teenagers and teenagers do stupid things at times…even the best of them. So if any of you are thinking “Not my kid” you could be terribly wrong. We could all be sitting in NCDad’s position right now. You just never know. One stupid decision can change the course of every family’s life.</p>
<p>momofboston - very well said. I feel exactly the same way. It shows a lot of courage for the OP to open up and share this painful situation, knowing that there will be some that judge very harshly a situation that could have happened to any of us as parents. In doing so, he has helped a lot of people during a very hard period in his life, so that they may go and start a dialogue with their own children about this issue. </p>
<p>I wish the very best for his family and have faith that his son will be stronger as a result. Maybe what we should be doing is paying it forward - we should be willing to admit like the OP that parenting today’s teens is pretty hard work and sometimes despite our best intentions things go wrong instead of acting like we are perfect. I believe that is far more constructive than throwing around a bunch of statistics to “scare” people straight.</p>
<p>Curious - IL has overhead signs flashing the number of traffic fatalities in IL so far this year. The other day the count was up to 435. It nearly reached 1000 last year. Are these common nowadays? I read that 31% of fatalities are alcohol related.</p>
<p>The first two days are now done. This family has demonstrated that they are moving forward in a positive way, with their son understanding the severity of the issue here. </p>
<p>My hope is that the next 8 days move along, and that the family continues their positive ways of dealing with their son’s DUI. </p>
<p>I’m also hoping they are able to visit him…soon.</p>
<p>Let me set myself up for a blast, whether or not someone actually posts it.</p>
<p>Of course, of course, we sympathize and empathize with OP. Of course. </p>
<p>But, sometimes, there is a tendency to send support and get off the issue. It’s a public forum, fine, and each is free to do this. It IS meaningful. </p>
<p>My concern, as a parent whose kids drink, is how to move forward reasonably and sanely. At this moment in time, OP needs a virtual hug, many are upset his son is in jail, we all know the horrors.</p>
<p>But, don’t we also have some community sense of helping the family move forward, with some advice- or ideas? That sort of possibly productive support? This is not over. As mini said, " This is not the end of the journey, but just the beginning." The punishment, fair or not, is just “this moment in time.” What happens next? How do we support OP in caring for his son next week, next year, and ensuring he goes forward making good decisions, responsible choices?</p>
<p>Don’t see why your thoughtful, delicately written post would cause a “blast” response. It is well said. There will be short term and long term issues, but right now its probably best for the OP to stay in the moment and address the current issues. I am hopeful that the OP will keep us posted as to how things go, whether his son will be participating in community service, giving speeches to other teens on drinking and driving, any support or aftercare type groups, etc. As more information is shared, the community here can provide additional support and commentary. But, IMO, I wouldnt blame the OP if he chose to be measured in what he shares if he anticipates being smacked down unnecessarily. Who needs that when they are already wounded. </p>
<p>That said, alternatively, I guess its ok to ask for sympathy and call professors all sorts of names and make assumptions about their mental health when they don’t write their child’s LOR in a timely fashion :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Sounds like a good place to start. Abolishing our ridiculous drug laws would help also. Our nation as far too many incarcerated people. But then, it has become a profitable industry. And we’ve all heard far too many horror stories about the failure of prisons and jails to maintain order and safety.</p>
<p>Happily, I have no personal experience with this sort of thing, and I bow to your experience Calmom and hope that the OP’s son is incarcerated in a well-run facility where he will come to no harm.</p>
<p>lookingforward, as I asked earlier, what kind of thing do you envision as something the OP’s son could do to not only reinforce future sobriety in his own life, but show colleges that his remorse and rehabilitation is real? Perhaps I’m misreading you, but it seems that the things he has done so far–counselling, SADD–are not good enough in your view?</p>
<p>I fully agree that people need support down the road, not just when a catastrophic event occurs. I think that one thing that would be valuable would be to make concrete suggestions. (This is not intended in any way as a “blast” at you. I really want to know. )</p>
<p>Cons, jym’s post gave me a perspective I needed. I appreciate it. Because each of us has fears for our kids, I know there can be a range of responses. I can see value in allowing for those- </p>
<p>In light of jym’s response- ie, that OP does have, right now, “a moment” to deal with- let me reserve the answer to your question for later. Or, for a PM.</p>
<p>A big thank you ncdad for the courage it takes to share this…usually when asked about our children (regardless of the truth) we answer worth positivity or at worst a roll of the eyes…what you shared was so raw and painful and above all-the real truth…as it was said the drinking could have been and probably is many of our kids- I hope that in your sharing your story,oir kids will at least think twice now…it is so difficult growing up now-temptation is so readily available…we were so thrilled to have babies never dreamed that parenting would be so heartwrenching and that we would often be powerless to fix there hurt often times caused by their poor choices. Please keep us informed and kmow that this does not define his entire future-he may have to work harder than many,but he will have learned more than most…here is a virtual bandaife for your heart-in an odd way, thinking of that visual may help the healing…</p>
)</p>