<p>^^Good post Emaheevul07</p>
<p>Well folks, I’ve spent most of the last 12 hours talking to the various parties involved and because all of you have been so supportive I feel like I owe you the update:</p>
<p>My wife and I just had a two hour heart to heart with our son and we’re encouraged. We told him about our full range of emotions–that we’re heartbroken and furious at his irresponsibility, that we’re grateful that no one was injured, that we sympathize with him for what he’s about to endure, and that we love him.</p>
<p>He told us that he’s experimented with drinking a few times this spring after track meets but had never had more than a couple beers until the prom night. At the prom they drank vodka directly out of Dasani water bottles, which matched the actual bottles of water that the waitstaff were giving out. Apparently the group of friends he was spending prom night with, which isn’t his usual circle of friends, are known as drinkers and he felt pressured to keep up with them. He told us he thinks he drank half a 16-oz bottle during the dance. </p>
<p>He and his GF had been planning to have sex for the first time on prom night, which, he told us, is why he drove instead of calling us or getting a ride from a sober friend. He knew he was far too drunk to drive but “thought it was worth the risk because it was only two miles.” By the grace of God, the police caught him less than a half mile from the prom.</p>
<p>So we’re incredibly disappointed but we appreciate his honesty here at least. </p>
<p>Police: I spoke to the arresting officer and thanked him. He told me they had made two additional arrests since Friday night, which I’m assuming are the boys who provided the vodka. </p>
<p>Lawyers: I called a few other CD lawyers in town for opinions but didn’t get much in the way of encouragement. All of them seemed to react negatively to the facts of the case.</p>
<p>School: The three of us will be meeting with his dean of students tomorrow morning. He’s expecting to be suspended. The guidance department also set up a meeting with a mental health and substance abuse counselor for tomorrow afternoon. </p>
<p>Overall my son’s mood is a little better than it was 24 hours ago. He seems to have forgotten about college for now and is freaking out about the possibility of jail and his mugshot being online. All of us are just emotionally exhausted right now.</p>
<p>Thoughts?</p>
<p>@calmon
Post #78, great post. I couldn’t agree more with all your points.</p>
<p>@NorthCarolinaDad
My heart goes out to you and your wife. This is so hard. Best wishes to your son.</p>
<p>There have been many good advice given by various posters and I hope they can help you choose the appropriate paths for your son.</p>
<p>One suggestion I want to add is perhaps you might consider family counseling as well as counseling only for your son. From your description, your son seems like a model child. As many posters pointed out that it is likely he has a drinking problem for some time. If there are such serious problems that you don’t know about your son now, what about when he goes away to college. Family counseling might improve communication and trust between parents and children.</p>
<p>Friend’s daughter has drinking problem since high school. Parents know about it and have done lots about it including counseling for daughter and for the family. One time daughter was drunk at a party and she called her parents for a ride home. It would be nice to get your son to understand that he can do that too. Your son needs to trust and communicate with you.</p>
<p>Friend’s daughter is finishing her second year in college. Mom says daughter still drinks but have never gotten into trouble for it.</p>
<p>Cross posted with NorthCarlinaDad. Glad to hear about the good honest talk with your son. Communication and trust are so important.</p>
<p>My HS client was in ths predicament. While he didn’t think he had a drug problem, he agreed to go to a local rehab center for a few weeks, rather than spend time in jail.</p>
<p>“Your son drinking at prom is not shocking but not having the guts to call you is sad.” - When I read that, it made me wonder if drunk teens even have enough judgement to realize how drunk/impaired they are. It sounds like OP’s son did. But his head was into two of three of what some say are the top teen priorities - friends, sex, money.</p>
<p>I read your post this morning and thought about you and your son a lot today. I’m very sorry that you are dealing with this, but so thankful that your son is alive to face the consequences. I think that you and your wife are handling things well and sending the right message to your son. Teenagers make a lot of poor decisions, especially when they are trying to fit in with the cool crowd. I believe that it is possible that your son is telling the truth about his experiences with alcohol, but wouldn’t be surprised if he is not telling the whole truth. . </p>
<p>I do think that the school needs to take some responsibility here. I’m shocked that students smuggled alcohol into the prom and got extremely drunk during the prom. Our HS does bag and breath checks at the entrance, and bottles are not allowed in. It is considered a violation to be intoxicated at a school event, even without possession. Our PTA holds an After Prom Party and puts a lot of energy into educating parents about the high risks of prom night.</p>
<p>NCDad, what your post demonstrates is that you have a strong and healthy relationship with your son. The fact that he is being so honest with you about what happened speaks volumes. He is a good kid. He got caught up in the excitement of the evening and the “specialness” for him and his GF.</p>
<p>It sounds like you and the police, at least, are working to make sure this doesn’t happen again with these particular kids. And your son is getting a lesson he didn’t want, for sure. You will get through it and he will be stronger for it. Good luck.</p>
<p>I know that my teen daughters (I’ve got 4) have been to parties where there is booze and pot (and probably worse). I’m sure they’ve partaken from time to time. Not proud, but I did it too when I was in HS. What are you going to do? Lock them in the bell tower and throw away the key? Learning to manage these social situations is part of growing up. We have been very open with our girls. We’ve told them not to drive if they drink or take anything and not to get in a car with someone behind the wheel who has. They have the phone numbers of several cab companies programmed into their phones and there is always taxi money under our front mat. (No, I’m not posting my address). I’ve told them many times: “I’d rather pay for a taxi than a funeral. So just get home safe, no questions asked.”</p>
<p>As for OP’s concerns about college, I know someone whose son got into all kinds of trouble. More than one DUI, license suspensions, possession of stolen property (after a friend of son took a joy ride in a municipal vehicle and parked it at son’s house), and some county jail time. Despite all that, he was accepted to and is attending a Cal State Univ. So I guess a few legal problems doesn’t make college attendance impossible.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. </p>
<p>The vodka in the water bottle is an old trick. My son used to do that in high school --(bringing small 8-oz water bottles to class filled with vodka). He only told me about it many years later (son is age 30 now). He didn’t have a car at the time- he used to walk or take the bus home from school, which I guess gave him plenty of time to sober up before arriving home. I certainly never had a clue. </p>
<p>I’m glad the school guidance office is setting up a meeting with the mental health and substance abuse counselor. That’s a good first step and it’s nice that someone else is relieving you of the hassle of calling around for an appointment. I’d add that in addition to your son meeting with a counselor, it might be good for you and your wife to meet with someone with experience with teenage drinking who can offer you advice as to how best to support your son, and how to be alert to signs of a problem.</p>
<p>You sound like a great parent, by the way. I think you are doing the right thing and asking the right questions. The reason you are getting pessimistic answers from lawyers is that there is no “winning” a case with that high of a BAC. There are some things a lawyer can do to help reduce the punishment - so it is well worth having a good lawyer - but the lawyer can’t work miracles.</p>
<p>I am holding you all in the Light.</p>
<p>Thanks for updating us, NCDad. I think many of us have thought about you and your family a lot today. It sounds like you’re doing everything right. Wish you all nothing but the best. After the tornadoes today in Oklahoma, it puts this little blip into perspective. Your son and his girlfriend are alive, no innocent bystander was hurt, and they’ll move on.</p>
<p>
Yup. As I said in post 66, thats one of many tricks. </p>
<p>A few old timers here will remember when we hosted a junior prom after party. Learned lots of things back then. … Was warned by helpful cc’ers that they also may hide booze in the washer or dryer. Good grief.</p>
<p>If anyone cares to read the blow by blow by description (it was pretty funny) heres the thread- a stroll down memory lane and tribute to what good kids can think up. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/328314-help-post-prom-party-now-scheduled-our-house.html?[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/328314-help-post-prom-party-now-scheduled-our-house.html?</a></p>
<p>Tell me about it–they were rather creative in this situation as well. The prom was held at a golf club where one of the kids’ fathers is a member. The boy went in earlier that afternoon to help set up for the prom and stashed the liquor in his father’s locker. Once they made it past the checkpoint at the entrance, it was as simple as going to the nearby locker room to retrieve it.</p>
<p>I was surprised by how well-planned this was. Then again, these are honor students we’re talking about.</p>
<p>^^^^ That’s what I said earlier – stash the liquor ahead of time!</p>
<p>^^the smarter they are the scarier it is…anyway, I totally believe that raising boys from age 16 to 21 is ten times harder than giving birth and getting them out of diapers and getting through pre-school. My oldest son went through high school with a class that in aggregate was “smarter” than any class before them…and they were wild even the "quiet ones’. The principle actually sent a note to the parents right after graduation saying that while they were an amazing bunch of kids that got into an amazing bunch of colleges he was relieved to get them all graduated and dispersed to their respective colleges. </p>
<p>OP I’m happy for you your son was forthright. That speaks volumes. Much that will happen over the next couple months will feel like it’s not in your control…and it’s not - it’s the schools, the lawyers, the prosecutors, the athletic director, the teachers,. It’s not a “fun” time, but hopefully at some point there will be light at the end of the tunnel.</p>
<p>Wonder what daddy is going to do with smuggler kid</p>
<p>I don’t know the family, but the kid was arrested for MIP and furnishing alcohol to minors and his brother (who I presume is of age) was arrested for furnishing alcohol and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. So they’re probably going through something similar to us right now.</p>
<p>I also read this early this morning and have been thinking about it all day. I disagree with the posters who say that having a BAC that level means he is an alcoholic. One of the primary difficulties with adolescents is that they think they are infallible. Therefore, they think they can drive “only two miles” and it will be ok. </p>
<p>I am also surprised at the lack of safeguards at that prom. Breathalyzers before leaving is standard protocol at our school. Additionally, kids are not allowed to drive. Kids either get a limo or parents drive them. They are all checked in and checked out. I am not placing blame on the school, but I’m just surprised kids got away with that. </p>
<p>Keeping you in my thoughts, NCDad. I also think you’re doing all the right things- keeping the lines of communication open, letting him know you love him even when you’re disappointed with his behavior, etc.</p>
<p>I didn’t read anyone say they think the kid is an alcoholic. I read that many of us think this isn’t close to being the first time. And yes, he could be an alcoholic, and that’s why a professional counselor is needed to help make a determination.</p>
<p>If you’d like the best professional review of the literature, you’ll find it here:</p>
<p><a href=“http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/121/Supplement_4/S290.full[/url]”>http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/121/Supplement_4/S290.full</a></p>