<p>My daughter is in a prominent sorority at a well known university. This yr. the Rush activities began a week after school began, so the girls were told they had to be back at the University one week BEFORE the term started to help prepare for the Rush activities. We live overseas, and tried to change her plane ticket so she could get back in time, but it was too cost prohibitive. The sorority girls are now angry that she wasn't there, so they have punished her by forbidding her to take part in the Rush activities, sending her to the basement to sit in a corner and not speak, and telling her she will now be fined $50. per day for every day that she was not there. There are 200 or more girls in this particular sorority. Supposedly, one other girl also missed that wk., but she was allowed to make it up by helping out with numerous chores. My daughter was told there were no chores for her to do, though if she wanted to, she could pour water into cups, but not speak to anybody! I was in a sorority, and never did I witness anything like this! I am appalled, but is it just me?I believe they are being outright bullies.</p>
<p>I do recall my DD had a very hard time when she found out the sorority wanted her back early and she had already made plans. She, too, was coming from abroad. I think the local girls just never give it any thought, that some one might not be able to hop in their car and drive there, nor do they realise that they forgot to tell people in a timely fashion about the expectation.</p>
<p>Is there a house mother she could talk to? Some one more mature and more practical who might talk to the officers?</p>
<p>This sounds out of line with accepted practice. Can she contact the Panhellenic Council at her school? If she’d like to fight this battle, I mean. There are a ton of rules governing recruitment, including the responsibilities of chapter members, so her sorority may face discipline if she makes a formal complaint.</p>
<p>I was about to say something like “some sisterhood” but then remembered a few sisterly acts my daughters have perpetrated against each other … 
But it does seem as if your d has some unfortunate sisters.</p>
<p>What the hell. Are you sure this is college, because it sounds more like fifth grade?</p>
<p>I’d report it to the dean of the school, that sounds outright abusive. (Sitting in a corner in the basement, what??) And if it’s happened to her, it’s happened to others.</p>
<p>Not to be overly harsh (and in general I like the concept of sororities), but this sounds like hazing to me. See for example:</p>
<p>[url=<a href=“http://www.hazing.cornell.edu/]Hazing[/url”>http://www.hazing.cornell.edu/]Hazing[/url</a>]</p>
<p>for one school’s ideas. To me, this sounds like it is meant to be humiliating. I am surprised that out of 200 girls, only 2 were unable to attend the pre term activities.</p>
<p>Sounds like “mean girls”. I think it can be a worthwhile exerience, but to sit in the basement in silence is not productive. Even if there is a feeling that she should have to make up the time for service to the chapter that was missed, I am sure that there are actually productive things that she could do. Thumbs down to those who made this decision.</p>
<p>Wow, there is no way I would want my ds to put up with this. I feel like it is saying that it is okay to have people walk all over you. This is what gives sororities a bad name. Does your d still want to be involved with these people?</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s harmful hazing but it’s definitely one of the reasons why I’m not thrilled with Greek life and grateful my undergrad did not have Greek. Just that herd mentality at work makes me chafe although I have friends who wax poetic about their Greek days and have Ds involved now. I guess it depends on how ticked off your D is. She certainly could elevate the situation. Most likely she “knew” what all encompassed “going Greek” so may not want to rock the boat if she’s really “into” that stuff.</p>
<p>I have heard before of being fined $50 per day/meeting that is missed in Greek life!</p>
<p>^Momofthreeboys, while not physically harmful, it gives a bad message. Rather than a teamwork kind of idea it is a control thing. Obviously if no one came to pre term activities it would be a problem, and the whole chapter would need to look at its goals etc, but a few missing people is not likely to damage the rush activities. Why should a sorority be a herd? I can understand not saying anything for fear of worse reprisals, but shouldn’t people speak up about bad practices. </p>
<p>Of course I have to admit that I think things like wearing clothing backwards or inside out are also “dumb”, and I believe that these are part of pledge activities in some places, and are probably mentally harmless, although unnecessary.</p>
<p>But this person isn’t a pledge, right?</p>
<p>It’s time for your daughter to decide if these “sisters” are worth her trouble. An independent-minded and self-respecting person doesn’t tolerate such treatment. I would suggest you have that talk with her, and then let her handle it…or not.</p>
<p>I’ll never understand why anyone would want to be a member of a group that treated ANYone like this.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine why she would want to remain part of this group. Even if your D was informed months ago of the expectation that she be there early–which she should have been–this is ridiculous. I could even see them doing it for one day to show that the commitment should be taken seriously, but a whole week turns it from a somewhat light hearted “punishment” into a straight out humiliation campaign. And a $50 per day “fine”? Can they be serious? Sounds like mean girl pack behavior.</p>
<p>I agree with the above posts-
I am not a psychologist- but it seems that behaviors like the above keep otherwise " clearheaded" people participating, because they are being forced to invest time & emotional energy into being part of the group. When you have made such an investment, it is more difficult to break away. ( I’ve done a bit of reading about cults)</p>
<p>I understand that ritual is can be important to group cohesiveness & for instance my youngest attended a large innercity high school that she identifies with much more than her sister does to her tiny private.
I had been discouraged from having D attend that school, & one reason was the reputation for " hazing". ( I don’t have a clear sense of what the rumors were based on), but for my daughter, it was a sense of being " special & noticed".
Freshman were " written on" in purple ( school colors), by upperclassmen ( like their class year on their face) , which my daughter wasn’t involved with, as she only peripherally knew any seniors, but she did when she was a jr & sr ( along with friends who were life guards) take some freshmen to the lake and told them to jump in ( they * all actually jumped in* then they took them out for ice cream)- IMO since it was a ritual that was fun & built camaraderie, that probably explained why they were then approached by other kids who " wanted" to be hazed. ;)</p>
<p>( The Marines do something without the ice cream to build cohesiveness, but while I know several Marines, they have never expanded on what was done- I do think though that it is easy to get out of hand in that environment)</p>
<p>I expect that the OPs daughter can find others who will make better friends on campus, and she should think hard about putting any more effort into this sorority, because the longer it continues, the harder it will be to stop.</p>
<p>Hmmm, if she feels strongly about the sisterhood thing and simply felt that this particular situation was unfair due to last minute notice, inability to change planes, etc. etc. and thinks the “punishment” stupid, silly and uncalled for then she should speak up. I don’t think she folds and leaves the group without a fight for what is right. And yes, ,I do think the entire Greek system is about control, and about commonality, and all that “stuff.” It’s fine, it’s just not for everyone. I “get” what hazing is, it’s just that it has taken on a negative connotation in recent years IMO and in my mind there is a big difference between a jump in the lake and ice cream and activities that are abusive, degrading, and dangerous. The later is hazing the former is not.</p>
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<p>Sending her to the basement to sit in a corner and not speak?? Are they out of their minds? This group isn’t worth the time of day. These are not your daughter’s “sisters.” I’d get the heck out of there.</p>
<p>and in my mind there is a big difference between a jump in the lake and ice cream and activities that are abusive, degrading, and dangerous. The later is hazing the former is not.</p>
<p>In mine too- & it is very disturbing that 200 young women are involved in this particular sorority- doesn’t anyone speak out? I expect this isn’t the first time they have instilled this sort of " discipline". :p</p>
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<p>Absolutely agree. The “hazing” we underwent consisted of things like singing silly and mildly embarrassing songs to fraternity guys, and you could really stop if you felt uncomfortable as it was all in jest. What you’re describing – sit in the basement in silence? – feels ridiculous and over the top.</p>
<p>This seems very odd and mean. I was in a well-known sorority in college and we NEVER would have treated ANYONE like that. </p>
<p>These aren’t sisters…these are unreasonable control freaks.</p>
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<p>This is unreasonable. We’re not talking about Sally from 30 miles away where yeah, she should be able to get her butt back on campus by Tuesday instead of Wednesday. Real life is full of exceptions and work-with-me-here situations, and being from overseas and having limited and expensive plane options is certainly one that calls for some creative how-will-we-make-this-work rather than punishment.</p>