<p>Buy this book for your D. It will tell her to trust her gut instincts.
[Amazon.com:</a> gift of fear de becker: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=gift+of+fear+de+becker&tag=googhydr-20&index=stripbooks&hvadid=7141967325&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2280936501386224679&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&ref=pd_sl_2of2waoov6_b]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=gift+of+fear+de+becker&tag=googhydr-20&index=stripbooks&hvadid=7141967325&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2280936501386224679&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&ref=pd_sl_2of2waoov6_b)</p>
<p>And mom needs to trust her gut instincts as well.</p>
<p>I’ve been trying to reach my daughter by text and phone for the past couple of hours. I’m not getting any response! She and her friends were going to meet with this guy tonight.</p>
<p>Where were they supposed to meet? In a public area I hope! She may not be answering because they are talking to him and don’t want to add to his paranoia, but that is very concerning. You must be worried sick!</p>
<p>OP–Obviously, she must have told you that she was meeting with this young man tonight.
Why the hell didn’t you tell her it was a stupid thing to do? We have said over and over again that it’s a dumb idea to continue to keep in contact with this guy.</p>
<p>You do realize she is voluntarily making choices that put her in contact with this man. There are some very strange dynamics going on.
Part of me wonders if she’s loving being the center of this drama.</p>
<p>Yes, nysmile,the whole thing seems stranger all the time. Maybe since mom is only 30 miles away,it’s time to hop in the car and see what’s really going on.</p>
<p>I haven’t been able to reach her since she told me they were going to meet with him tonight. I’m freaking out and my husband is annoyed.</p>
<p>I think that this young man is screaming for help…otherwise he wouldn’t be “sharing” his desire for “revenge”.</p>
<p>I think that if he isn’t taken seriously, he could soon boil over and go out of control.</p>
<p>Just consider what has happened on so many campuses recently…</p>
<p>I would call his parents immediately.</p>
<p>If I were his parents, I would rather hear about a developing situation from you than from a knock on the door by the police after their son has created a catastrophe. They can get him some help. Even though he is over 18, they can still go see him, talk to him, help him…</p>
<p>and it would be better for everyone involved if this happened sooner rather than too late.</p>
<p>This is not something I would compromise on with my H. You are not asking him to make the call. And does not control your actions.</p>
<p>What is the worst thing that could come from a call to the parents? A false alarm? Hurt feelings? Weigh this against what could come from a failure to call them.</p>
<p>I would also call ALL the others on the list: the RA, the police, the campus police, the campus mental health group…</p>
<p>I would rather make all these calls than be the one to receive a call.</p>
<p>^If the OP lives only 30 miles away from the college, she and her husband should jump in the car now and show up to unannounced. It’s the only way to find out what is really going on. </p>
<p>OP–You’re only 30 miles away. Get in the car and talk with your daughter face-to-face.
Talk with the friends. Talk with the RA. Find out if this whole mess is real or some fantasy drama concocted by a bunch of insecure young people.</p>
<p>This story is getting stranger with every post. The way it’s reading to me is that the daughter has learned by her watching her mother’s behavior to be the good girl and not to ever make waves. For goodness sake, women have come a long way baby and we are capable of making good decisions and sticking up for ourselves.</p>
<p>PS–So, what did you say to your daughter when she told you she was going to meet with him?</p>
<p>I didn’t read every post… only OP’s! It makes me shudder to think that your dd is in an unsafe situation… notify administration immediately! And make sure its DOCUMENTED! Call police also… not just campus police, but also the local police! Call the media if the school does nothing about it… or at least threaten this initially… no school wants to have news cameras on their campus!!!</p>
<p>Even if this is an overreaction on our part, or your part, or the girls’ part, or ANYones’ part, a call to the boy’s parents is still a gesture of kindness at the least and absolutely necessary for his health/the girls’ safety/his safety at the most. </p>
<p>This thread is frustrating as heck. Why are you not doing something???</p>
<p>I think you can take some comfort from the fact that there are three or four of them (I think you said in the original post). I assume you will hear back from her safely in the next hour or two… at that time she may have more information that can help you decide what to do. However… it is not clear what you should do if she says, “everything is fine now, mom, we resolved it.”</p>
<p>Regarding your H – I can see how you may want to stay in synch with him on this, but I honestly do not think that many men understand how it feels for a woman to be stalked or harrassed. You need to have your D’s back no matter what in this. Regardless of what he says. His bias is going to be toward the administrators approach (hate to say it, but he has years of wanting to protect a school’s reputation in his background…). Do what you need to do for your D’s safety and your own comfort.</p>
<p>Regarding driving to the school, honestly, you probably would have trouble tracking them down even if you go there. I would (nervously) stick tight and keep trying to reach her.</p>
<p>Has she responded yet?? Please do something now!</p>
<p>I just read a few of OP’s posts and what your husband says is a little nuts… listen… you carried that baby in YOUR womb/nursed her at your breast… do what needs to be done and fast! It is time to take a ride to that campus… I am surprised you are not there already. Especially since you can’t get in touch with her!!</p>
<p>Do you have any of her friends cell #s? if so call them and ask them to find her and tell her to call home now.</p>
<p>Many schools now have mental health task forces. After what happened in Colorado and at Virginia Tech, schools are a lot more anxious to not miss a potential threat. There is someone at that school’s whose job it is to make evaluations as to whether a student is a threat to others. You should find out who that person is or who comprises a task force, and get in touch with that person.</p>
<p>Agree it would be hard to track down the daughter tonight in person.Hopefully, the daughter will respond soon to her mother. umdclass, you say your husband is “annoyed.” Why would he be annoyed ? Is there a history with you and/or your daughter being dramatic about things? If you do feel this is a real threat, you will need to act regardless of your husband’s position. Hope you hear from your daughter soon.</p>
<p>*Even if this is an overreaction on our part, or your part, or the girls’ part, or ANYones’ part, a call to the boy’s parents is still a gesture of kindness at the least and absolutely necessary for his health/the girls’ safety/his safety at the most.</p>
<p>This thread is frustrating as heck. Why are you not doing something??? *</p>
<p>^^This.</p>
<p>OP, call the parents, and deal with the fallout (if any) with your DH later. Listen to your instincts.</p>
<p>All of this dilly-dallying is simply adding to the drama. Mom needs to call the Dean of Students, and let the school contact the boy’s parents. The kids are trying too hard to “help” their friend, but this is beyond their ability to help. Calling the parents yourself may make this boy even angrier at your daughter. After the call, if you are not 100% convinced that the college will immediately take steps to protect your daughter and her friends, call the police.</p>
<p>Dad is nuts if he thinks an RA can handle this. RA’s are fellow students. They are not trained mental health professionals or trained law enforcement officers. I, too, work in school administration and I can tell you that if something bizarre is going on the people in charge WANT TO KNOW about it. This isn’t a dispute over who made a mess in the locker, or sleep/wake hours in a dorm room. This is much more serious and needs to be dealt with NOW.</p>
<p>I hope you hear from your daughter soon. Assuming she is fine, first thing in the morning you must call the Dean of Students. Do not wait for your husband’s approval. </p>
<p>Stop procrastinating, step up and help your daughter and her friends.</p>
<p>Will the school call the boy’s parents? Curious about this, I am under the impression that the school will deal directly with the student, but if they are over 18 they will NOT contact the parents.</p>