<p>intparent, good point. I still say call the Dean of Students, but ask if the Dean can call the boy’s parents. If they can’t, then you could make that call. You won’t really know your next steps until you hear what the Dean has to say.</p>
<p>Good luck to you and I hope your daughter and her friends find the safety they need and deserve.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading all of this and I’m sorry I don’t have any advice. But this does develop a question that I have. If these problems exists, before having students admitted to the school, why don’t colleges do health/mental checks? I think it’s one of those important parts of the application. If the school knows they are admitting mentally ill-ed students, at least they are aware and will provide those people with help and supervision.</p>
<p>Are you saying every student should have to reveal if they have ever received any kind of mental health treatment (psychologist or psychiatrist), with details of diagnosis? As always, there is a difficult balance to achieve between privacy for students and identifying possible issues.</p>
<p>lilmel, some kids enter college with health or mental health issues already diagnosed in high school but some kids develop issues later, in college. That is not uncommon.
intparent, I do understand what you are saying about revealing prior treatment or not.</p>
<p>There is still no evidence that any of this hysteria is warranted. The daughter is still hanging out with the boy. The boy was upset that his friends went behind his back to talk to the RA (and probably heard some of it), which is natural. For all we know, he is keeping a diary or something that got seen quickly by a roommate and misinterpreted. He has not been stalking her, from what I can tell: she is voluntarily hanging out with him. </p>
<p>This really strikes me as an online lynch mob. Do any of you really think the kid won’t be harmed by police involvement? </p>
<p>As for screening applicants: students have the right, but not the requirement, to register with the disabilities office for accommodations, once admitted. There is no requirement to disclose before attending, and if schools ever did have such a requirement, the CLU would be on them in a flash.</p>
<p>I don’t remember how much time has elapsed between this post and the previous one. A parent can call a dean with a concern. Why hasn’t this happened? The dean may not be able to talk a lot with the parent, but a simple phone call will usually nudge the dean’s office into action. The dean would know how to handle this without causing more problems between all the friends, meaning the boy in question, the daughter, and the other friends.</p>
<p>The Dad has 25 years as a principal. I’m sure he has seen it all. I don’t think the RA should be the contact, but the father has the right idea, in general. If the boy has a problem that threatens himself or others, the school will be able to hospitalize him or require treatment with or without parental involvement, and no, they cannot contact his parents without his permission.</p>
<p>He happened to be there when they were meeting with the RA, he doesn’t like to be touched, the girl in question decided notto date him anymore and he said he accepts that, but seems tomnot have, he somehow ends up in almost all of the girls classes, he is keeping a list of so called affronts and such, and claims to want revenge for grievances…warning signs alll…and many women think they can help the person…add to that the seeming degrading mental health</p>
<p>Just because the daughter is still seeing the young man, doesn’t mean there isn’t a serious problem here. Many don’t see the danger till it’s too late.</p>
<p>In another thread from Sept 7th, OP states that daughter met with RA because she feels this boy is suicidal/homicidal.
RA was going to contact the community director, so wondering why adults aren’t stepping n to handle this if RA knew the right people to contact?</p>
<p>Good question. If this young man has been identified as potentially suicidal/homicidal since at least September 7th,what was done with that information?</p>
<p>Seahorse, noone is saying there is no problem here. There are lots of problems here, and the one with the boy may very well be serious. We cannot judge here on CC. Noone is saying do nothing.</p>
<p>The mom should call the dean. Tomorrow at 9am.</p>
<p>Not the police, not the parents: the dean.</p>
<p>This thread can then end, or maybe it has already.</p>
<p>I see threads on cc as learning opportunities. There may be another girl dealing with a man like the ops daughter. As the numbers of girls in college dealing with stlker like behavior from men is growing, they need to know how to try and stop a potentially dangerous situation get further out of hand. </p>
<p>As situation like this can escalate very quickly and this boy doesn’t seem to get the message. And the friends, while with good intentions, may be making it worse as they have no idea what they are dealing with.</p>
<p>This young man sounds quite mentally ill. Huge red flags are his possessiveness, obsessive documentation, and stalking behavior. </p>
<p>Mentally people are not capable of reason. They need containment.</p>
<p>This is a VERY dangerous situation, that adults should handle. Please do not leave this in the hands of your daughter or an RA.</p>
<p>These kids - all of them - are in danger. I would have said wait until morning, but given your inability to contact your daughter I think you should call the police. Tonight. Then tomorrow morning first thing drive over and speak with the dean. </p>
<p>The police have the authority to search this young man’s computer. They should be the first notified so that they can take it before evidence is destroyed. The police can contact this person’s parents. They may be lovely people - or not. We don’t know and it is not your job to manage their feelings. It is your job to protect your daughter.</p>
<p>I understand keeping peace with your husband. But now is not the time to do this. Please act. Now.</p>
<p>I’m not sure if this has been addressed yet, but I know a lot of schools will force known sex offenders to change to different sections of a class if enrolled in the same class as a minor. By taking it up now w/ the Dean, etc, he’ll be on their radar when he tries to register for his courses next semester…and hopefully will not be allowed to sign up for any of her classes again.</p>
<p>Waiting, waiting, hoping this resolves in a positive manner.</p>
<p>Back in the original thread I thought the OP should have called the kid’s parents. I still think that should happen. I would want to know. I would want to have the opportunity to step in to help (or at least try to help) my kid before anyone needed to file a police report. </p>
<p>It is hard to tell from an on-line forum, based on a single perspective, filtered through a second party, what is really going on. I’m not even sure whether OP’s daughter saw any of the written journal entries. If not, that adds another layer of reporting here. Me reading statements of a mom, as told by her daughter about some stalker-ish activity, some of which was reported to the daughter by a friend who doesn’t want to get involved. </p>
<p>Is Kevin Bacon the next degree of separation here?</p>
<p>I don’t mean for my previous post to sound flipant. I do think it is hard to make a judgement on how much stalking is really going on because of the filtering effect of how far removed we are from the kids involved. (For example, in a small major degree program that doesn’t allow for a lot of electives, having 4 classes together isn’t a huge stretch. If the two kids have different majors, or are at a huge university, or are in a hugely popular major, then the possibilities of having 4 classes together is much, much smaller.)</p>
<p>My son had a stalker in high school. Boy being stalked by a girl. The school was all over it in an extremely proactive way. There was no reactive wait and see attitude from any adult at the school.</p>
<p>Wait, wait, mummy24; where is there any evidence of this person being a sex offender? Did I miss something? </p>
<p>I am very sorry UMDclassof1980’s family is facing this. My advice would be for the daughter, accompanied by the person who has first-hand knowledge of the threatening behavior, to go to the dean of students. I would not start out by assuming the college authorities will not help. The D should make it clear that she is prepared to go to the police should the college not be able to help her (or if they stonewall her). </p>
<p>What I’m unclear about, though, is what this person has done that is reportable. I gather there is a computer file. How did this young man’s friend (or roommate?) see this? Was the friend standing over his computer while the troubled young man updated his file? Or did he poke around on the other guy’s computer without permission? Of course the existence of the file is frightening and troubling. (It is also troubling that someone would poke around another kid’s computer without authorization.) </p>
<p>Be that as it may, what has this person done or said that can be reported? The OP mentioned stalking on Facebook and Tumblr. I don’t know what that means. Does it mean the young man went to the D’s and her friend’s pages? Even if he went there obsessively, I don’t see this as being something you could report to the police. Now, if he went to their pages and posted threatening or otherwise troubling comments, that is another matter. </p>
<p>I am not belittling any of this. I think the action the young woman and her family take should be in line with the circumstances. And whatever they do, it shouldn’t be nothing. I have to say that based on what I’ve read, I don’t see starting with the police. What someone writes in a file on his computer falls into the category of free speech and I would think the expectation of privacy would obtain; I welcome corrections from anyone who knows the law better than I do. If this young man issues a threat to the young woman verbally, posts something threatening on her Facebook page or says out loud to a friend that he intends to harm her, those are things the police could address, and then presumably they could get a warrant to search the young man’s computer.</p>
<p>Thank goodness I was finally able to get in touch with my D last night. I didn’t have any phone numbers for her friends or roommates. They don’t have land-line phones in the dorm rooms. I ended up calling the front desk of her dorm. When parents call looking for missing children or children who are not answering their calls, the front desk is not responsible for helping you out. I was told this is official university policy. It’s some sort of privacy issue. I explained the situation and the girl at the front desk was sympathetic, but said she couldn’t help. She suggested calling the campus police. I said “Can’t you just have the RA go to her room and see if she’s there?” She said she would try to contact the RA, but I never heard from back from her. By then, I was really getting worried. About that time, my D called me back. She said she had her phone turned off for the past couple of hours and wasn’t aware of it. This is very unusual to say the least. But I was so relieved to hear from her.</p>
<p>She and her friends met with this guy last night at the request of the RA. She was quite upset about what he said at the meeting. Basically he ranted that they were all out to get him. When, in fact, they have been trying to get him help for the past 3 weeks. This is just a manifestation of his paranoid disorder. I explained that to my D. I told her that she and her friends CANNOT help him. I specifically told her to avoid him. She should lock her dorm room door and never walk alone at night. If he makes any further threats against her or her friends, she should let someone in authority know right away.</p>
<p>I’m going to call the Dean of Students as soon as their office opens this morning. I don’t know what they can do. The fact that he has threatened to get revenge has me very worried. I do know that people who suffer from paranoid disorder are prone to violence. </p>
<p>My last recourse will be to call the campus police.</p>
<p>absweetmarie --</p>
<p>“I gather there is a computer file. How did this young man’s friend (or roommate?) see this? Was the friend standing over his computer while the troubled young man updated his file? Or did he poke around on the other guy’s computer without permission? Of course the existence of the file is frightening and troubling. (It is also troubling that someone would poke around another kid’s computer without authorization.)”</p>
<p>The person who saw the “incidents” file on this guy’s computer is a friend of his. This guy actually shared the “incidents” file with him. There was no snooping on his computer without his permission. This friend, in turn, warned my D about what he had seen on his computer.</p>
<p>My D1 had a roomate issue last year which started as an effort to protect a missing and highly intoxicated RM and ended with the RM making threats and a lot of scared girls and locked bedroom doors in the suite. In her case the campus police were very helpful in an immeadiate intervention. Generally the campus PD is also trained in dealing with mental health issues. Threats are a serious issue - particularly if they come from an unstable individual - even if it is a friend. Campus PD should be informed of the threats ASAP. Call them this morning too. </p>
<p>In the end D1’s situation was resolved though mandatory ETOH counseling for the RM and mediation by the RA and the dorm resident (an adult not a student).</p>
<p>Thanks for the clarification, UMDclassof1980. In that case it would have been completely appropriate for your D and her friend to go to the dean of students and report their concerns. If going to the police makes you more comfortable, I would suggest doing that in addition to going to the dean.</p>
<p>OP: What threats did he make towards your daughter, as in what exactly did he say? Did he say it directly to her?</p>