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<p>I agree with this. Hope that something is happening.</p>
<p>^Exactly! 30 miles is nothing more than a drive to my closest Target store. I don’t understand the OP’s reluctance to getting in the car, driving 30 miles to the college, and seeing for herself what is really going on. Again, I don’t understand the disconnect between the OP’s immense concern online and the lack of taking real action. </p>
<p>The fact that her daughter continues to put herself in his company (socializing, hanging out, meetings) while at the same time complain to Mom about his behavior is strange to me.</p>
<p>The only way to figure out what is really happening is for the OP to get in the car, drive 30 miles to the college, and see for herself. This whole thing could be nothing more than an exaggeration of a perceived drama among a few socially immature friends. The OP’s time researching specific mental illnesses online would have been better served geting in the car, driving 30 miles, viewing the situation, and taking action if the situation is indeed as her daughter described.</p>
<p>^ True. And also why was the Dean not notified 1 week, 2 weeks ago? Police would not have needed to be involved at that point (and hopefully will not need to be) and hopefully the Dean’s office will be able to handle this properly for all parties involved. Let the experts do their jobs.</p>
<p>The boy is in classes with the OP’s daughter. How does he behave then? I am with OhioMom3000: I’d have been on campus as soon as I could make it there to sort things out. Could be drama among friends. Could be a serious threat to the D’s safety. It has to be challenging to sort out what’s really going on remotely.</p>
<p>Agree,OhioMom, It is strange that the Dean was not already involved. I would think most RA’s ,if anything, would err on the side of caution and involve a supervisor or dean if there was any ambiguity at all.</p>
<p>I’m starting to feel for the boy’s parents who have absolutely no idea that their son is either having trouble or causing this drama… or is potentially the source of a giant misunderstanding.</p>
<p>But I suggested calling them yesterday… If THEY were the ones to jump in the car and be on campus in half an hour, perhaps the whole thing could be peacefully resolved by now. No civil liberties issues, no drama, no unreturned phone calls.</p>
<p>Presumably the dean was not notified immediately because they were trying to work through the steps of the system. They’ve done that. It’s time to move on to the next step: calling the dean. </p>
<p>KCSmom: horrendous story. And an illustration of why this is probably not a case for the campus police. If the kid is not a real danger, being contacted by campus officials will be enough to stop him. If he IS a real danger–to himself or others–he needs to be dealt with by professionals with expertise in mental health. That is highly unlikely to be the campus security guards.</p>
<p>I really think that letting the dean’s office take care of talking to his parents is preferable. If he needs to have a medical withdrawal, which sounds like a strong possibility, that is who they would be talking to anyway. If the dean’s office will not contact the parents because of confidentiality laws, then I might do so. But I would be VERY wary of making any accusations, even inadvertently.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the RA dropped the ball, imo. Did not seek out assistance from superiors. Could have avoided much of this if proper channels used by RA.</p>
<p>Consolation, The issue for me is that this kid has been alleged to be potentially “suicidal/homicidal” since September 7th. Fellow students and an RA are not qualified to assess that. How could that not immediately be bumped up the line for someone to assess whether this kid needs help or not?</p>
<p>It is pretty hard to get a sense of whether this is truly a dangerous situation or is something being blown out of proportion. That is also a problem in dealing with the mentally ill. It is not always possible to know what people are capable of. I wish you the best in finding out everything you can and putting whatever safeguards you can in place. At the least, it appears that the boy needs help. I hope he gets it. Best of luck to you and your daughter in handling this touchy, potentially dangerous, situation.</p>
<p>sevmom, I get your point. I agree that these kids should not have been trying to deal with this on their own this long, and it SOUNDS like the RA dropped the ball. But it now is what it is. The dean has finally been contacted. Let’s hope there is action.</p>
<p>NYsmile --</p>
<p>“I don’t understand the OP’s reluctance to getting in the car, driving 30 miles to the college, and seeing for herself what is really going on. Again, I don’t understand the disconnect between the OP’s immense concern online and the lack of taking real action.”</p>
<p>If I drove up there right now, what am I going to see? My D has back-to-back classes all day until 7:30 pm. Am I going to pull her out of her classes so she can show me what’s going on? Am I supposed to talk to all of the friends and the RA involved if I drive up there? She’s coming home for a dental appt tomorrow afternoon so I’ll see her then. </p>
<p>I’m very concerned and I’ve taken action by calling the Dean this morning.</p>
<p>Since we all are making assumptions, let me give it a shot:</p>
<p>I’m assuming that the boy in question was acting morose in order to get attention from the girls across the hall to get a little attention from them, or maybe it’s just his personality. </p>
<p>I assume it doesn’t take more than one girl to go talk with the RA. Why was your daughter involved in the discussion with the RA in the first place? That’s right, out of concern…</p>
<p>I assume that the boy across the hall is making a list of perceived wrongs because he feels persecuted, or to protect himself from libelous attacks (like in this thread) or wrongful accusations.</p>
<p>I assume that the roommate is reporting to the girls across the hall to create a situation in order to have a reason/ common problem/ situation in which he can establish trust with these girls. The objective? Obviously to hook up.</p>
<p>I assume that the roommate and his friend are colluding toward a common goal. </p>
<p>I assume that the kid in question is being fed information by the roommate about the girls discussion of him.</p>
<p>I assume that the kid in question is now paranoid as hell about the girls across the hall and now checks the Facebook posts to see if he is being talked about.</p>
<p>I assume that the kid has become the common “enemy” in which this group talks about often…out of concern of course. Simple group dynamics.</p>
<p>I assume that none of these sophomores have a degree in medicine.</p>
<p>I assume that there is a high probability that this kid has a number of classes with this girl because the schedule just fell out that way.</p>
<p>I assume that the daughter is not being forced over to a dormitory in which she is not a resident against her will.</p>
<p>I assume that these “adults” know that this kid is actually no threat to them at all but have nothing else to talk about except this drama. </p>
<p>Let me put these assumptions together. The kid asks the daughter out and she agrees. After a few dates he gets too serious too fast because he is in his first adult relationship or maybe a little lonely. She rebuffs his attempts and they become friends, not really though…because it doesn’t work that way with guys. This kid is emotionally insecure and craves attention from the girls across the hall. He starts acting morose or sullen, maybe it’s real. The girls give him the attention he craves…so he gets positive reinforcement. He probably went a little too far in his attempts and winds up getting reported to the RA. He feels that his trust with them has been betrayed and that he’s being persecuted for no reason. He starts taking detailed notes on what the group across the hall, real or perceived to make his life miserable. The roommate and his friend happen to want attention too. They report his every little comment…in context or not. They also want to say on his good side so they can continue report what the girls are saying. He is called a stalker even though the girls are getting reports of his every movement. The police are not called because they all know very well that this kid is no harm to them but it makes great “adult” drama. The husband of the OP knows this all too well…that’s why he is annoyed. If this was a true threat the police would have been called weeks ago.</p>
<p>We all know what assuming does…</p>
<p>Ohiomom- you don’t know that the RA dropped the ball because we don’t know what the RA was told. Your scenario is that the RA was told that the student is suicidal or homicidal and he did nothing. That’s appalling. It’s equally likely that the RA heard a bunch of kids who still go to class with this student, still hang out with him, ex-girlfriend is still in the picture, they’re all facebook friends and trying to include him in their activities, etc. but they’re having trouble because he’s been somewhat withdrawn. RA concludes “social drama which will work itself out if they all communicate”, not “Kid is an immediate threat to himself or others”.</p>
<p>Again, RA’s are told to dial 911 in case of emergency. They are not trained in crisis management or in figuring out if an ex-girlfriend who still sticks around is feeling “in danger”.</p>
<p>It is great that you have now called. I do think you have given a Dean enough time to return your call. I’d call again and express the urgency with speaking to someone. You do not want this to drag on again into the night like it did last night ,with still no real movement toward resolution.</p>
<p>Has no one contacted the parents?!? This was suggested weeks ago in the previous thread.
The young man’s parents know his behavioral/medical/mental health history. If this were your son, wouldn’t you want to know about this strange (potentially dangerous/threatening) behavior?
If this were my son, I’d go pick him up as soon as I knew what was happening. His parents have the most knowledge about this kid and are probably in the best position to help him. But they can’t help if they don’t know there is a problem.</p>
<p>BrothersGrimmm --</p>
<p>This is very disturbing to me.</p>
<p>Re: post 136, wanted to clarify that PDD is NOT an abbreviation for “paranoid disorder.” PDD stands for "pervasive developmental disorder, " which is an unfortunate dsm label for people at the mild end of the autism spectrum. I feel uncomfortable with diagnoses being made in these forums and am only writing to point out the error, especially since the mention of PDD was followed by information about intervention and treatment success.</p>
<p>atomom, I think it is great that you would go pick up your son as soon as a parent called you if he showed this type of behavior. Unfortunately, I dont think most parents would see things as clearly as you do. Too many would dismiss the claims, or even turn the situation around on the other students. </p>
<p>I can understand calling the parents, but I also understand being reluctant to call. Personally, I would go through all of the school channels/police and let them call the parents. Then there is no muddying of the waters.</p>
<p>rigaudon --</p>
<p>"Wanted to clarify that PDD is NOT an abbreviation for “paranoid disorder.” PDD stands for “pervasive developmental disorder, " which is an unfortunate dsm label for people at the mild end of the autism spectrum. I feel uncomfortable with diagnoses being made in these forums and am only writing to point out the error, especially since the mention of PDD was followed by information about intervention and treatment success.”</p>
<p>I’m sorry for my error. I should have written PPD (paranoid personality disorder).</p>