@compmom Wow, how incredibly offensive that anyone stigmatize either type of diabetes, and stigmatize taking medicine to control it. Yes, type 1 diabetes has nothing to do with “lifestyle choices”, but for many people with type 2 diabetes it doesn’t either. And really, what is the point of people who talk about “lifestyle choices”? Does it make them feel better to assign culpability and shame? Or is this supposed to somehow impact whether treatment or accommodations get provided, or whether the person is deserving of compassion that they have this illness? In any event, I’m sorry people were so ignorant and cruel to your son.
I have a family member who works in the mental health field who, in trying to de-stigmatize taking medicine for depression, compares it to diabetes because most people know people with diabetes and how if they take their insulin they can manage their illness. The analogy is that in diabetes, your body does not produce insulin. In depression, your body does not produce enough serotonin (or other chemicals?). Either way, your body needs help to properly function and we fortunately have medicine to help. The argument further goes that there is nothing wrong with being a diabetic and taking medicine, so why is there anything wrong or shameful in being depressed and taking an anti-depressant? Well, I guess that you’ve experienced that this second half of the argument isn’t true, that people try to assign shame in being a diabetic. That’s really disappointing and sad to hear this.
@mom23travelers my foreign language class (with my writing seminar as a close second) is my most stressful class right now for exactly this reason. Writing papers is a nightmare and participation counts for 20% of the grade. Glad to see someone make this point.
In have kids with mental health issue and kids with medical issues. I will tell you that medical issues can be stigmatizing as well. And we treat mental health issues the same in our family, matter of factly. . None of these problems are anyone’s identity.
I will say that the comparison with diabetes really doesn’t wash with me. My kid got visited by the nurse every hour throughout elementary and middle school, and the nurse in turn called me every hour. I addition, while my kid was growing up, I got up at least at 1 am and 3 am every single night without fail to check blood sugars. Noone has any idea how much danger a type 1 faces, from highs and lows, from illness and treatment, every single minute of the day and night. Please don’t compare that to taking a pill.
I would love to have this thread (or an edit version of it) become part of the FAQ.
This is such a serious and often not considered issue that needs to be considered. We were blindsided by this during our daughter’s sophmopre year. Having threads like this were really helpful.
My daughter thought her STEM classes were much less stressful than her humanities classes. Dealing in hard facts is sometimes easier for people with anxiety.
Anything that pushes your limits will stress most people. Some people stress about having to make a decision. Stress can make someone anxious and alittle stress is not necessarily bad if it pushes you forward or to a new level. But this is different from someone who has anxiety all the time about all sorts of normal day to day things…that might require help.
Just wanna mention that my week long orientation was TERRIBLE for my social anxiety. There were so many mandatory activities everyday (as in you have to make it up if you miss it and everyone in your peer group will know you missed a lot) and I would just take quick crying breaks in my room. They even said beforehand that they didn’t want to give anyone time to be sad or homesick so it was intentionally overwhelming. I was shocked that there were more than 2 or 3 mandatory meetings for a group of 18 yr olds. Felt like summer camp. Most people I talked to admitted it was overwhelming, but if you have anxiety issues, or social anxiety specifically, it was awful. If I had known it would be so bad, I would have tried to get exempt from it, but that really shouldn’t be necessary Imo.
So longer orientations are not necessarily better.
Very important point, @soontobecolleger . It’s important for people with anxiety (and people who are introverts) to have down time. I would avoid any college that has lots of mandatory activities during orientation. Keeping you “so busy you don’t have time to be homesick” is ridiculous for a young adult. That sounds like summer camp, not college.
Both of my kids went to small LACs. The orientation period for my daughter was a week, but there were very few mandatory activities. For my son, it was just a few days, and only a few meetings were required.
Have you ever seen hemp oil? I guess I gonna see and even taste it myself for I’ve been prescribed to take it in order to fight my anxiety. I could have never believed I would be prescribed something of the kind. I really believed it was addictive but read that there would be no side effects. So I gonna be like a real rasta soon, wonder if I will start talking so sloooow and inaudible as they do
I do have a son that seemed to have no anxiety in HS, but seems to have developed it in college.
I think in his case attending a rigorous reach schools was a mistake, he has been pushed to his breaking point.
He did manage to get his undergrad degree, but not in a subject he wanted, just the one he could handle at this reach school. Met some nice friends but was always too stressed to fully enjoy and better develop those relationships.
I think the stress led to very bad physical health issues as well.
Was difficult to get him to speak to any professional help, he did but never made it past 1-2 sessions before he concluded they were no help. As parents, we help him in ways he asks for, he simply wont accept help any other way, which I suppose is good that he’s trying to manage on this own.
What helped me somewhat was to accept that every child has their strengths and weaknesses, and our job is to help them leverage their strengths, and overcome but not obsess about their weaknesses. Is easy to look and see the problems, but we are very quick to celebrate his successes. We do usually make one visit to campus other than moving in/out, usually because he is physically ill during a school break and needs some familiar faces around. By the time we leave he seems ready to get back to the grind of overcoming his academic and anxiety challenges. I do see improvements now that he is a grad student, in fact shocked he was willing to even go back for another year. So while it’s still very difficult for him and us parents, realizing that he’s making progress is important, and not getting too upset about the challenges. Not everyone gets to the same place, but parenting and college is all about getting you further than you started, not just academically but in other ways.
Have a child who was quite anxious in HS. I would have categorized him as somewhere between normal anxious and in need of care. Would force himself to go to social events and leave early as he just wasn’t comfortable. Was pretty sad about it, etc. Eventually, he got more comfortable getting outside his comfort zone (actually think having a job in HS helped with this- had to deal with the public working in a busy restaurant - and overcome people being upset). By the time he graduated HS, he was a different person and has continued to thrive in college. He still gets that anxious feeling but is able to deal with it and has actually become a leader.
Depending on the person and severity of anxiety, some can cope without medical intervention. Others certainly require help to engage. Hopefully they get the care they need and gradually learn to cope with the issues that trouble them. I don’t know that they ever overcome as it’s a natural fallback situation.
Fortunately we were able to have open conversations with S in real time. This helped.
Think of it like someone who has a fear of public speaking. They may get better at it and appear comfortable with it, but the fear is likely always present.
How do you find out about mental health services before you apply or attend a college? It’s not something I think you would ask your tour guide on a group tour and also not something I think you would want to ask your regional AO as people on CC always say that you should never mention mental health on your apps or essays (but other illnesses are fine…which makes no sense to me as everyone is supposedly “destigmatizing” mental health issues). You can write an essay about your cancer or broken leg but don’t say anything about how your on meds for depression or how you overcame a suicide attempt. Most of the info on the college websites seem pretty generic. They all have a mental health center and they all list the hours and how to make an appt but there is usually not much other information.
If you have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, then you should be under the care of a medical professional.
My daughter with anxiety was close enough to home to be able to go to her regular doctors during breaks or just to make the drive home.
What would you expect the college to do?
Maybe you want to look at colleges that are smaller and have more of a “pastoral” care…like LACs.
I think it might be good to talk to the disabilities office and/or Counseling Center and see what they have. Visit it if possible so then your student will be familiar if they need to go there. WIth anxiety, the anxiety will prevent them from getting help with the anxiety.
