I’ve taken a gap year to study abroad in Japan for 6 months. I’ve always been a home body and introverted, so something like this is a big step for me. (This is also my first time away from my family).
The first 2 weeks I felt pretty miserable, I was constantly crying and felt so lonely and homesick. This is my 5th week, and my homesickness symptoms have returned and I can’t stop crying and I feel miserable (Literally crying as I write this). I constantly think about how much I want to return home. I am able to end after 3 months, but it needs to be decided before a certain date or else I will have to stick it out the rest of the 3 months, and I’ll have to pay a cancellation fee.
The only thing is, I’m scared of disappointing the people around me. Everyone is telling me how proud they are and how they think what I’m doing is amazing. At the same time I feel so guilty for not enjoying myself. I always think: I’ve been given this amazing opportunity so why aren’t I happy?
I really don’t know if I can do it, I want to go home more than anything but I can’t. I’m not sure what to do.
You have been given an amazing opportunity. But, you are young, just left home which is a big adjustment, and are dealing with culture shock and being especially far away on top of that. You are experiencing a lot of growing pains all at once. You feel what you feel, you aren’t happy right now as you work through this. The realities of living overseas turn out to be very different than what your fantasies of what this experience would be like before you were actually doing it.
I’ve lived overseas (in Asia) for a very long time now (over 20 years) and I remember being very overwhelmed at first. But, if you embrace the good, the bad and the ugly as part of the experience and dig into your studies, the sights, the possible friendships around you, it is possible to make it work. Japan is a wonderful country to live and travel in as a young person because it is very safe. If you are in Japan because you want to study and immerse yourself in the language, you may not get this chance again for a very long time, if ever.
Being lonely and homesick, and working through it, is part of taking on this kind of adventure. You just didn’t know that before you started. The feelings are apt to come and go, they are apt to be less severe when you are sightseeing and getting more acclimated to your surroundings. Get out that guidebook and pick something to go see or do each day. Find the hole in the wall ramen or tonkatsu or curry shops to your hearts delight. Try an act of Kabuki, Manga stores, etc., etc. Shop for gifts and trinkets for those people you miss. With effort and remembering why you wanted to go there in the first place might help you find a way to be happier, and in the end cherish the memory of those six months when you were so brave to take on this adventure on your own.
^^what @NorthernMom61 said.
You have taken an huge leap - right into the deep end of psychological & physical distance from home. The cultural differences are at every.single.level of your day-to-day life.
Being overwhelmed by that is perfectly normal 
Do you have a structure- are you taking classes? are you part of a group? More info on that will help us give you some more practical things.
Setting up patterns helps a lot. For example, find a good neighborhood tonaktsu or ramen shop - and go there regularly (a lot- several times a week). They will quickly get to know you, you will get to know them. When you walk in you will have a greeting from another human and you will have food that has become comforting and familiar. Use your growing language skills with them.
Also, is anybody going to visit you in Japan? There is nothing like having a visitor from home come. It’s fun to see them, but it’s also fun to plan their visit, have things to show them. And, being honest, it’s really cool when they are impressed by how good you are at navigating your new environment. You might be aware of every language stumble you make, but they don’t even know it- they see you being able to handle the transportation system, knowing which in a row of seemingly identical ramen shops is the ‘good’ one, being competent when they are feeling overwhelmed. And you, in turn, realize that even though there is still so much you don’t know- you actually have learned a lot!
Your program isn’t offering any activities? Take advantage of them. Get out of wherever you are staying. Ask others on your program to visit a museum or whatever. You are there for at least three months, and you can’t keep crying for seven weeks. Keep busy, and stay out a lot, because you are allowing yourself to wallow in misery. You cried for two weeks, then what happened in between then and now, when I assume you weren’t crying? Volunteer at a school and help kids learn English. Volunteer at an old folks home and help seniors learn English. Volunteer at an animal shelter, where maybe they won’t be concerned about your language skills. When you are in your room, listen to music or podcasts so that you aren’t left alone with your thoughts. Get out of your room as much as possible.
Be brave. Many of the most worthwhile things in life require bravery, whether traveling to new places, going off to college, moving to a new city for that first job, getting married, having children, sending your children to Kindergarten, sending your children to college, watching your own parents age, I could go on and on. Be brave, I doubt you’ll regret it in the end.
@AAFS16 , you’ve gotten some great feedback here. Being immersed in a new culture is a big deal. Just wanted to say I’m sending good thoughts your way.
What you’re going through is absolutely normal! It’s a huge adjustment to move to a country as culturally different as Japan, even for confident and well traveled types. So don’t feel bad about feeling homesick, be nice to yourself and most of all give yourself time. My advice: take it one day at a time. Focus on the positives, no matter how small. Learned a new word today? See something that took your breath away? Make a list of things you want to try: places to visit, foods to try, experiences to have. Don’t expect to feel “at home” overnight. Culture shock is real. When you feel overwhelmed, get in bed and read a good book that has nothing to do with school. Think about the progress you’ve already made: remember how foreign and strange everything looked when you first got to Japan, things you now accept & don’t even notice? That’s progress! Progress you will continue to make each and every day. I’m not going to advise you whether or not to go home. I will say, you’ll feel an enormous sense of accomplishment – and recognize major growth in your sense of self – if you complete the exchange program. Wishing you the best. Feel free to vent here!
My child is also away on Gap Year in Europe. For sure, at times it is lonely and isolating, but do your best to fill free time with activities such a going to a movie, trying new foods,taking a bus or train to a nearby town. I am assuming you are on a program? If that’s the case, reach out to somebody in the program and try to connect. I guarantee you are not alone in your feelings of homesickness.
It’s not easy being a stranger in a strange land. Hang in there; this will pass. I think if you come home before your time is up, you will eventually come regret it; character and strength are built through adversity!
Enjoy the opportunities and privilege you have been given. Many, many students would give their eye teeth for the opportunities you have! When you return home at the end of your Gap Year, you will look back and realize that you have more strength than you knew; you’ll learn a lot about yourself. Hang in there. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
(((HUGS)))
btw - there are a lot of parents on this board who are also homesick for their kids!!! parents also cry for and miss them. You are not alone xo
Hi. Many years ago I studied abroad too, and it was so tiring to always be dealing in another language and eating food that was strange to me. This sounds stupid, but once or twice a week I’d escape to the local McDonalds, just to be able to eat something I was familiar with, and usually I’d overhear an American tourist and be able to listen to the sweet sound of English. It really helped me to be able to take that little break from the intense immersion, and I wonder whether it would help you. If you don’t like McDonalds I bet there’s probably a Starbucks around.
I am curious why you chose to go abroad, And why did you choose Japan? If you truly were passionately about this trip beforehand, maybe try to revive that passion now.
Are you able to call or skype with your family? Are you living in a traditional college dorm, or are you more off to yourself in an apartment? Do you have roommates?
Tell us more about you’re situation, and we can try to give you more detailed advice.
This is normal and you can take baby steps towards feeling better.
You can do this! One of my kids had a tough gap semester. She was direct enrollled in a foreign university, not through a program. She wasn’t able to get University housing, so lived off campus in a studio apartment with no other students in the area. She didn’t know any other US students at her university (and never did meet any).
She struggled, but found that keeping busy was best. She took up cooking, and tooled around her city on public transit looking for ingredients on the weekends. She found it easiest to make friends with some of the other students not from the country she was studying in. She visited all the sightseeing stops in the area. She was able to take a long weekend in a nearby country with a friend she knew who was studying abroad in the same region. (Pro tip - do not leave your prescription medication in the youth hostel in another country!). She did Skype a lot with her college boyfriend (now husband many years later). But she was making a good effort, and I don’t feel like that was a mistake in her situation.
She stayed the whole semester. It wasn’t ideal, but she is glad she stuck it out. You can do it.
I said gap semester, but I meant semester abroad. Oh… and she got a library card. The local library had a collection of classic titles in English, and she read her way through that as well.
Look around and appreciate the tremendous safety of it’s people in Japan. Every time we go to Tokyo I marvel that I am in one of the largest cities in the world and a pair of seven year olds can be traveling on the subway independently. Or a woman can be sitting on the subway sound asleep with an open topped purse on her lap, wallet sticking up, and no one bothers her. It’s not unusual to see women walking around on their own at night. I could go on and on. This relative safety translates to you too and offers a tremendous freedom. Of course you have to be mindful but that safety is so special, especially in light of some of the seemingly random violent events in the US where safety seems to always be in question no matter where you are these days.
If you are in Tokyo, PM me and I will tell you where one of the best dives for gyoza is near Ueno Park. You’ll definitely want to go back there time and time again if you can find it. We go every time we are in Tokyo. My mouth is watering thinking about it now.
Thank you everyone for your wonderful messages! I try to keep a positive outlook on things. Some days will be sad some days will be amazing, it’s all part of the experience. I also just found out my mom will be visiting me in the new year, so I have something great to look forward to. So I’ve decided until then I will try to enjoy myself as much as I can!
Thank you~
Hehe yea, I’ve started going to Starbucks, something I never did back home, and I hope to make it a weekly routine .
I read somewhere that having a routine or some recurring event helps with homesickness, or something to ground you when you’re feeling sad, etc.
I was going to say that my D’s boyfriend also came to visit for a week when she was having a rough time, but I didn’t want to mention in case no one would be able to come visit you. His parents gave him a plane ticket as a combined Xmas and birthday gift when he asked them. It was a big boost, and she enjoyed showing him around the city. So you can look forward to her visit, for sure!
How much of this do you think is just the stress of everything being new? What’s your living situation? Are you fluent in the language? Have you made friends.
@AAFS16 good for you! You will have a blast when your Mom visits. It will keep getting easier, and going to college in the fall will probably feel easier too. I am glad you found a Starbucks, which is super popular in Japan. Let me know if you want directions to the gyoza shop.
Glad to hear that you feel a little better OP. FWIW, when I studied abroad, I was away from home for eight months. I can honestly say that while I loved my family, I literally did not miss them or my home for the entire time. I loved it so much that I ended up moving back permanently to my study abroad country for almost twenty years, and eventually married and had my children there.
I think I had such a great time because I fully immersed myself in my new life there. I went on every excursion, visited every museum, attended concerts, travelled around Europe on my own, and did every single thing the travel guide suggested. I think I even did a bit of studying. The point is, I kept busy, either on my own, or with other people on the program. Staying busy is the best suggestion.
I am in the same situation you are in right now. I am also abroad to do an internship program in the states and i feel very very homesick. I really miss my life back home and my family. It’s not easy being away and i feel very lonely too. Sometimes i have sad thoughts and cry at night too and feel like this is the biggest regret of my life. I have to do one year of this and it’s still my second month. Every day it feels like time is so slow and i just want this program to end. Even in two months i still don’t feel happy with what i am doing and with my life here even though i have already adjusted.
However, after reading the people’s comments on this thread i realized that i am not alone and a lot of people have gone through this something like this too. I am so happy to have found this thread!
Anyway, i hope you are now having fun over there in japan. Japan is such a beautiful country and i hope you are no longer feeling as lonley as you were before. Stay strong and goodluck! ??