<p>An adult child who has lived away from home certainly doesn't need to abide by rules for being home by certain times. It is polite to let you know if she plans to deviate from her customary routine, but not obligatory. Her desire to relax after work is very reasonable, normal sounding hours. Let go and don't worry.</p>
<p>I agree with Limner. S is home for the summer working full time but there are still those times when he is driving and out. Again it is my problem that I can't sleep unless I know that he is home. But I am finding that I like things a lot better when he is at college. No driving, so I don't have to worry about the drinking and driving combo, plus it is a small campus so I know he is always with a crowd. While he is at school I very seldom wonder what he is doing and where he is at 11 p.m. on any given night. I guess I really don't want to know.</p>
<p>
[quote]
She may not drink and drive but others do. I don't like to be out past midnight, 1 am at the latest. Weird stuff happens...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I feel the same way.</p>
<p>When I go to bed, I turn the light on in DS's bedroom. That way
if I wake up during the night, I can look down the hall and see if his
light is off. Then I know he is home safe and go back to sleep.</p>
<p>Your daughter is considerate to call you at 11:30. She is too old
for a curfew.</p>
<p>I'd put no restriction on her. You are so lucky. She wants to live at home, has found gainful employment, wants to eat out afterwards with coworkers (which absolutely will help her in her relations at work). She is mindful of her own safety (with people walking her to her car). She calls you at ll:30 p.m. </p>
<p>She is doing everything possible. To me, setting any curfew this summer would just assure that next summer she'll find a different location to live and earn, and then you'd miss her a lot all summer. Now she's making many accommodations to you, so this time it's your turn by not imposing curfews so you can sleep more worry-free.</p>
<p>I would let her do exactly what she needs to handle her job. I'm thinking more in the direction of inside-the-house signals (I liked the one about leaving a light on until she turns it off, for example). You just need to go to sleep confident that she's fine, and a way to reassure yourself should you wake up in the middle of the night (the on-light switch) so you go right back to sleep.</p>
<p>Worry less, dance more.</p>
<p>No curfew here either, not even in high school. If it's not too late (11 to about midnight) I ask them to call if they're going to be very late or out all night. When I get up in the night (which I usually do) I check to see if the alarm is set. </p>
<p>If it's too late to call I ask that they send me a text. That has helped a lot - phone calls don't wake me but I know where they are.</p>
<p>My son is working the late shift (until 10pm or midnight) this summer at our local Dunkin Donuts so that he has his days free for flight lessons. On the weekends, he usually goes out with friends afterwards (like he is tonight). We just require him to tell us where he expects to be...so we know where to start the search, should he not be home by the time we wake in the morning. Whether he's out or not, his hours are different than ours; I'm satisfied that he lets us know where he's going to be and that he calls if plans change.</p>
<p><needless remark=""> paying3tutitions seems to be one of the only reasonable parents on collegeboard </needless></p>
<p>S2's curfew was 12:00 until he turned 18 (6 mos. ago) when we pushed it back to 1:00. Since he graduated from high school a few weeks ago, we have lifted the curfew. This summer he can make his own schedule (he works 9-5 thru the week). We only ask that he call before 11:00 if he plans to stay the night with a friend. I'm another one who leaves the light on in the hall and he turns it off when he comes in.</p>
<p>We use the light on/off signal and also I have my Ds text me now & again when they are out. i fall asleep, I can wake up, wonder what is going on, check my phone and be clear they are safe, yet if I do fall soundly asleep a phone call does not wake me (cell phone on vibrate for text & calls)</p>
<p>I can sleep, they can do whatever, responsibly- a 10 second text every hour after midnight is not a big deal</p>
<p>Different parents have different comfort levels, but when our children retun from college, we parents often have to push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. I don't want D out too late at night - - late night attracts trouble-makers (same is true for 3pm school dismissal, but a lot more helpful folk are out and about in the afternoon). Sadly, this is seems particularly true in the summer. Thus far, despinte my preference, I have not set any curfew, since D is responsible (as paying3 described in post #25) - - but I reserve the right to change my mind regarding if circumstances change.</p>
<p>No curfew for our 2 college kids. Both have summer jobs and classes, and realize that if they are not in bed by midnight on weekdays, they are useless the next day. As for weekends, all we require is a phonecall/text with pertinent info. like home at 2/no dinner, etc.</p>
<p>I also require a peck on the cheek no matter the hour. So far, in these past 3 years, there has not been the need for "a talk".</p>
<p>We are another family with no curfew. D is working during the week and if she's tired, it's her problem. She calls us and leaves a message when she leaves wherever she is leaving from. I have to turn off the phone or else I will never get back to sleep if it wakes me up. But I do wake up on my own and can check caller ID and the answering machine. So far, it's been pretty late, but she is very responsible, so no need for curfew. That's how we handled it in HS too. She set her own curfew, and let us know. Then, if things changed, she would call. Choose your battles.... :)</p>
<p>We just realized that S's interpretation of "call if your plans change" is different than ours. Last night he said he would be going to a friend's house for a party after he got off work at midnight. I said call if your plans change. He agreed that he would call if they went elsewhere. Then at 8:30am this morning when we got up, we saw that he hadn't come home at all last night (first time this had occurred). When I called his cell, he said well, he was still where he said he would be after work and so his plans hadn't changed and he did not think there was a need to call. </p>
<p>We have now straightened out this interpretation. Still, no curfew to be imposed.</p>
<p>My kids know that I worry and am unable to sleep if wondering where they are so we all try to get along by making one another as comfortable as possible. I try not to ask too many questions and they try to be home at a reasonable hour. When they are doing super late night driving (like coming home from a concert at two am), they usually text me when they start the drive home so I can reduce my "active worrying phase" to the hour or so I know they will be on the road. It sounds silly, but it works for me and, as the old saying goes, "If mom is happy, then everyone is happy!" When they are at school, I sleep like a baby and don't care what they do! It's not like we have "rules" about curfews, we just try to accommodate each other.</p>
<p>Bessie-- you sound like my twin!</p>
<p>WOW-your insights and individual experiences have truly been helpful. I will try to worry less-and dance more...and leave the light on in her bedroom. I feel like my DD does have a level head on her shoulders, and have opted to encourage her to make decisions that seem right for her. She continues to call about 11;30pm if she plans to be out later-and if she forgets to take her cell phone- to be home by 1AM. This forum has been a godsend-thank you! APOL</p>