Super Star daughter bombed 1st semester

<p>If a student goes from a focus on grades, to more of a focus on learning, that’s a good thing.</p>

<p>At some point, many excellent students get tired of doing everything that they are “supposed to do,” and transition to more authentic, internal motivators. This is very healthy.</p>

<p>Getting B’s does not seem like self-sabotage to me at all.</p>

<p>Some burnout is also possible, since this student has probably been working extra hard to compensate for the dyslexia.</p>

<p>The original poster should be aware that at the college level, accommodations for learning issues are not at all at the same level as at high school. Perhaps this student does not have any accommodations: they were not mentioned, but this is an important issue for many as they consider colleges.</p>

<p>Mythmom had some great suggestions in terms of schools.</p>

<p>It is very possible that your daughter might prefer schools that are not the most hard-driving. Have you talked with her about this? Is this list entirely hers? Maybe she is developing a more creative spirit. </p>

<p>Changes like this are sometimes very positive and redirect the future in surprising ways.</p>

<p>Can’t emphasize enough how important it is for your D to find some schools that are good matches and safeties that she LOVES. There are so many kids who are shocked to find out that they aren’t readily accepted into schools but top tier schools are a “crapshoot” for just about everyone, even Vals & Sals.</p>

<p>Her counselor should be able to suggest schools that are good matches and safeties for her. I’m assuming finances aren’t an issue because if they are, she also needs to be sure the school is a financial safety as well.</p>

<p>Her grades are MUCH better than my D’s–she’s now attending the U of her dreams but got more Cs, Ds and Fs than we care to remember.</p>

<p>I think you need a reality check, YESTERDAY.</p>

<p>Sounds like your daughter is STILL a superstar, and has figured out that her life does not revolve around a 5.0 WGPA. A ‘B’ is not a burnout automatically, NOR is is ‘bombing’. What on God’s green earth would make you think so? The universe didn’t shift, and she’s still an above average student considering her LD makes it harder for her.</p>

<p>Please don’t try to explain for your daughter. You are helicoptering her grades, and it’s silly. A "B-’ does not need to be explained. Schools would be rightfully worried about a parent who overreacts so much NOW, and I personally shudder to think what you’ll do when your poor daughter doesn’t get the grade she wants on some problem set next year. A ‘b’ doesn’t mean social life is a priority, it means it’s balanced out. </p>

<p>Some of the schools suggested are reasonable and wonderful, and so forth. You need matches and safeties. But PLEASE, rethink your attitude. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, and she will go somewhere.</p>

<p>As for this comment by Averagemomma "READ THE SIGNS-- your child has the intelligence for those schools, but lacks the maturity, integrity and discipline to be there-- and she needs a nudge in that direction…away from those schools-- or read my post-- see if she sees herself… "</p>

<p>That was disgusting. There is no reason to conclude she [your daughter is immature or without integrity.] And I am sincerely glad none of the women in this thread is my mother. Some of you should be ashamed that you talk about your children this way.</p>

<p>If your D has LDs and difficulty with a lot of reading, then don’t think of Reed. They have a classics lit class that is required and very difficult.</p>

<p>I find it interesting that nowhere in her post does the OP mention how D feels about things. Does she care that her grades slipped? Is she upset or calm about the effect on her Ivy prospects? Has she expressed any reservations about attending college next year? Would she find a gap year at all appealing? Has she expressed an interest in any other schools? What did she especially like about those she applied to? (This will help in finding alternatives.) In other words, has HER universe shifted, and if so, whereabouts is its new location? I think it’s hard to offer any advice without knowing the answers to these questions, since she’s the one who’ll be going to college.</p>

<p>Wow, your daughter has some major accomplishments especially considering that she is dealing with dyslexia. She must be working really, really hard. One thing I’d be wondering is if there’s something about her classes that’s different this year. Does she have more reading to cope with? Sometimes initiating a calm discussion might illuminate what’s happening-- is she tired? is she burnt out? or is it something about her course selection or the specific academic demands?</p>

<p>I’ll throw out another suggestion to the many great suggestions already made-- Johns Hopkins. I wouldn’t call it a safety but it’s not as selective as the schools she’s applied to. They have a good mix of strong departments across sciences and humanities.46% women so being a girl might help not hurt as it does at so many schools. </p>

<p>One good thing is that there’s no core. Students do have to take some humanities classes but there’s a lot of choice. So she could probably avoid reading intensive classes. Kids have to take 3 writing intensive classes but my son in the engineering department took Technical Writing which fulfilled one of the requirements. He was thrilled because he didn’t want to do a Lit type course and he found that the content of this class will be useful to him in the future. </p>

<p>I would be closely looking at the requirements of each school to make sure that the required curriculum is flexible so your daughter has a choice and can find classes that match her learning style.</p>

<p>Kind of an odd college list for a kid interested in science and engineering. Several of the schools don’t even offer engineering. And, at least one has poor science facilities and very few science majors. </p>

<p>In any case, I would be more concerned about what caused the sudden drop in grades. Drinking? Partying? Those are more important issues because, unchecked, they will cause academic problems no matter where she goes to college.</p>

<p>Your kid is not a robot. You would do well to remember that.
+1 on Swimcatsmom also.</p>

<p>Edit: This makes me very, very sad.</p>

<p>I think it’s disappointing to both you and your D that she didn’t get into her ED. And I know it may feel disasterous (aka “bombing”) to get anything lower than an A, but it’s not devastating. She’ll get back into her groove. Sure she’s had a few setbacks this semester, and it’s additionally hard to balance it all on top of writing more applications, but a deferral (right?) will spark her motivation again.</p>

<p>I don’t agree that she should take a gap year. She’s probably not the type. But, it does make sense to me to add a few more middle/safe schools to her list. Hey, even if she got in all these schools, it still might make more sense to go to a slightly less competitive school. Maybe she’ll get more out of school than trying to win in a competitive game.</p>

<p>“two B-'s, one B, one A- and two A’s.” wow she sure is dumb ( sarcasm)
How is that bad?
YOU DON’T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO GO TO A GOOD SCHOOL!!!</p>

<p>The OP stated, “Advice most gratefully and humbly accepted.” In the same spirit, I think as parents we need to answer graciously and supportively. Obviously OP is concerned about the sudden shift in grades, and the need to juggle the college list at short notice. Isn’t the best course to offer helpful suggestions for good matches and safeties?</p>

<p>Re: Post 45.</p>

<p>I noticed this myself. Therefore, I think Step #1 is an open heart-to-heart with D, focusing more on questions than answers. I would ask her to assess how she feels: Is she “freaking out” (about the current pressure, about college admissions, about college itself)? Does she agree with us wise CC parents ( :wink: ) that the original list was way too reachy, even for a SuperStar (and perhaps she was reacting, melting down, rebelling, being true to her feelings, whatever)? And naturally - as we all know – the answers will be more honest & more forthcoming if she senses acceptance from parents, regardless of her answers.</p>

<p>Whatever her answers, the heart-to-heart needs to continue from there along similarly honest lines: </p>

<p>(1) Even with great grades, let alone with a slight reduction, the best students need safeties, and those best students may not even get into one reach U – strictly because of equal competition and factors out of an applicant’s control. (I agree with those that said that the lower grades may be a blessing in disguise.) Time to re-assess – together, and perhaps with a neutral, nonemotional 3rd party, such as a guidance counselor or an independent counselor. (Two hours with family + a private counselor, having The Talk and restructuring the list, should be sufficient, & might be worth the price. Or if the guidance counselor at school is acceptable, get it for free.)</p>

<p>(2) If there are deeper issues, perhaps a general therapist would also be helpful – for her to vent with, release some of her anxiety, take a look at it. </p>

<p>(3) If the results of conversations are then that she truly needs space in the immediate future, only then do I think a gap year should be introduced as an option. Along the same lines as above, communication is everything. If she doesn’t want to immediately enroll in a 4yr college, then she needs to know what’s involved in a gap year. If she doesn’t want a gap year but merely wants to coast & chill Senior Year (for a change), then her list can we weighted even more toward safeties if necessary. Decisions entail consequences, and behaviors are also decisions. It’s OK to perform off-expectation as long as the aftermath is considered. She may feel not in control because she is performing to expectation – her own and/or others’. It’s important, i.m.o., for her to regain a sense of control over her future; otherwise she may continue having a hard time relaxing about it.</p>

<p>…Just some random thoughts. The OP can trash them if they’re not appropriate. :)</p>

<p>From the OP:
Thank you to all of you who responded, but especially to those who wrote with constructive suggestions for safeties/reaches to add to my daughter’s new list. Many posters were rather cruel in their responses. Clearly not the right place to go for support when one is feeling down! Anyone concerned about child abuse should rest easy that daughter is happy and well-adjusted and one reason I was so stunned by drop in grades was because I never asked her all semester how things were going. Last year I wasn’t even able to be with her for second semester and she did great. Not too much hovering going on here. She has had a very fun semester socially, is not depressed or trying to sabotage anything, not using drugs, not depressed - just got overconfident based on assurances by two schools on her list that she was an extremely strong candidate who would be admitted as long as nothing big changed. Well, it pretty much did and we weren’t anticipating that. So, back to the drawing board. She will get through this and maybe be a better person for it and I thank everyone for their comments. Befuddled</p>

<p>It sounds like your D has a good head on her shoulders, and is quite obviously very bright and capable. She’ll going to find a good-fit college, I have a feeling.</p>

<p>I’ve been on CC a long time. Sometimes I feel it’s as rough as any middle school playground, if not rougher. I guess some people never got the whole “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” concept. It is possible to nicely tell someone you think they are overreacting or that this is a good reality check. Some of the posts are just mean-spirited in my opinion. This is a college website. If someone says the universe shifted because of a drop in grades, it’s relevant in the context of college admissions. It has nothing to do with whether their child got ill or has a drug problem. It’s a shift in the context of the subject this website is all about. A B- from a straight A is a big shift for a high-performing student. Why should a poster have to carefully censor himself (I better not say “bomb” because that will sound overdramatic, I’d better find the right word) when they are feeling stressed or upset? This kind of response to posters would make me really hesitate to share if I had a problem with one of my kids – or what might seem to me to be a problem.</p>

<p>Befuddled, I don’t think anyone intended to be cruel, but you may have given the wrong impression by your title – “Super Star daughter bombed 1st semester” – most of us don’t consider our kids to be super star, and few would think a couple of B’s constitute a “bombed” semester. </p>

<p>If there is one “rule” of CC - its that the words you choose to describe your problem or question in the first post will be scrutinized and analyzed in every post thereafter – so its best to avoid hyperbole when talking about your own kids. Remember that no one can see your facial expression when you write – and I’ve also noticed that humor or satire tends to fall very flat here. </p>

<p>And if you took my post about reaches & safeties to be mean, I wasn’t trying to be. We oldtimers all remember the saga of “Andison” – the kid a few years back who got rejected by every single one of the colleges he applied to, including places he thought were clear matches or safeties. He was a tremendously talented young man who spent the ensuing involuntary gap year traveling abroad and playing concert piano (as I recall) – and was accepted to MIT a year later – so it wasn’t a case of lack of the right stats or qualifications. Unfortunately some parents who are new to the college application process may not realize how competitive and unpredictable college admissions are these days-- so it helps to go into the process with a more humble attitude and modest goals. (Just my opinion, no evidence for it – but I suspect that sometimes the reason for college rejections is overconfidence – kids who are so sure that they will get in because of their “superstar” status at their high schools that they don’t put the effort needed to make their applications stand out, and the colleges are already weeding through stacks and stacks of applications from superstars. Sometimes it helps if the quirkiness leaks through).</p>

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<p>Strict policy of tough love around here. :wink: I’ve gotten burned, myself!</p>

<p>I’m going to tell my story, because your daughter’s story sounds familiar, and I’m in my late twenties, so I’ve got an odd viewpoint for the locale. I’m half-student, half-adult… The CC Centaur.</p>

<p>In high school, I was a “superlative” student, in that everyone talked about me in superlatives. I’d gotten straight A’s and had taken all of the AP classes I had time for, I had won every award in every subject, I was well-liked by students and faculty, I was a pianist, a ceramicist, a Girl Scout gold awardee, a drama geek, an engineering club president, a robotics award-winner, and I had my thumb in every pie on my elite prep-school campus. I was in the Cum Laude society, I won the Founder’s Day award, and I arranged and played the graduation song that our class sang. By the time college applications rolled around, I’d gotten a little out-of-breath from running the pre-college rat race. I wanted to stay close to home (but not TOO close… home was Dallas), I wanted a school with rigorous academics, and I wanted a school where I could relax a little bit and actually live life. Maybe earn a few B’s (wild and crazy). Maybe a C or two (apocalyptically rebellious).</p>

<p>So when I met with my college counselor (we had two full-time, twenty-year veteran college counselors for a class of about 110 girls), she said, “So where do you want to go? Sky’s the limit!” I hedged. We came up with a list. Cal Tech, MIT, and Stanford were at the top of my reluctantly Ivyish list. TUFTS was my SAFETY (what were we thinking!?). I planned an overnight trip to Rice, just because I felt drawn to it.</p>

<p>I visited Rice in September with my mom. It took two hours into the first morning after I set foot on campus to say, “This is it. This is my school.” I had my interview, I went to the bookstore, and I dropped forty dollars on a sweatshirt. I put it on and wore it with my uniform to school (blatant violation, but even the detention-happy faculty would just shoot me a thumbs-up and go, “RICE!”) every single day. I sent in my early decision application and some angels somewhere must’ve been looking out for me, because I got in and didn’t think twice about any of the other schools.</p>

<p>I went there and was deliriously happy. I worked hard, but I also played around with life a lot. I took piano tuning. I jumped in the university president’s pool. I was in the marching band, without ever having learned to play a band instrument. I started dating a composer as a freshman, and he was… gasp… a grad student! (I eventually married that grad student composer, too, and eventually, my parents approved of him! ;)) I took ballroom dance! I took self-defense! I learned about linguistics! I concentrated on living, since I figured that was what college was for. Much to my surprise, by the end of college, I’d racked up some B’s… and a couple of C’s… and a lot of A’s, without <em>too</em> much angst and frustration… and had gotten a high enough GPA to get into the grad programs in structural engineering at MIT, Illinois, UT, Georgia Tech, Berkeley, Stanford, and Cornell-- every place I’d applied. You could’ve knocked me over with a poke to the head.</p>

<p>So now you have a slightly expanded version of the “everything will be all right” response I gave earlier in the thread; everything will be all right, and I know it because I’ve been there. Have her start looking at some places that may not have jumped out at her at first. (Rice! Rice! Rice!) Success follows happiness. High school superstars who hit a blip are generally successful. It’s nice to be happy, and it’s good to have a school that fits like a glove. </p>

<p>Someone mentioned Rice as a safety… I’d say Rice is a match! Great school for her interests, particularly if she’s considering engineering. Many of the LACs and universities that your daughter is considering don’t cater to the engineering crowd, but Rice would provide her with a richly interesting environment, all of the academic roads that she might like to travel, and a campus full of students who work hard and live hard–Rice students love life and rarely say “no” to an interesting experience.</p>

<p>Often (and I know this from looking at my Harvard/Yale/Amherst/Stanford alumnae friends from high school), pairing the “best” students with the “best” schools doesn’t indicate that there’s a true MATCH there. I know people who have walked away with magna and summa Harvard degrees AND annihilated self-esteem, and there’s no reason that they should have had to go through that. Harvard wasn’t what they wanted in a school, it wasn’t what they needed in a school, and they only went because they couldn’t turn down the “best”… Be wary of the glossy viewbooks and tantalizing US News & World Reports rankings.</p>

<p>I hope your daughter finds a school that captures her heart, her mind, and her soul. Best of luck to you all in your search.</p>

<p>AIBARR,</p>

<p>A measured, sane, and delightful post–all the reasons that my “superstar” daughter chose Tufts, ED, and was admitted a few days ago. That said, were she to have continued with the application process, had she been deferred, Rice was high up on her list of colleges (along with Wash U. and Northwestern and, possibly, Brown, despite an indifferent admissions person at Brown). Anyway, I hope that people can hear the sincerity and heart behind what went into your college choice; as I said, my daughter chose Tufts for the same reasons.</p>

<p>We think my daughter’s best friend, an excellent and ORGANIZED student, will end up choosing between UCLA and Rice (just a prescient feeling we have about this girl); if so, can she e-mail you with any questions she has about Rice? Sorry to change the orientation of the thread, somewhat. I just thought that your post was great for its sensitivity and intelligence.</p>

<p>befuddled, my son had a similarly weak first semester his senior year. Luckily for him he was already accepted ED. (And conveniently, as far as we know, the college never asked to see his senior year grades.) </p>

<p>If your premonitions are accurate and your daughter isn’t accepted by the super-reaches on her list, then it may take a while for you – and presumably her – to get over your disappointment, so be prepared to give it some space.</p>

<p>In the meantime the good news is that there’s still time to expand her list. Overcoming dyslexia takes enormous pyschic energy. Maybe she just needed some stress relief. An academically solid, but less relentless environment may, in the long run, be a better fit.</p>

<p>If engineering is not a must, then I’d suggest Grinnell, Bowdoin, Colby, Hamilton and Kenyon. I also really like Smith if all-women is okay with her. Maybe Chicago.</p>

<p>Good luck and let us know how she does.</p>

<p>Question: Do GC’s automatically send your final transcript to your accepted schools or is this done only on request?</p>