Ok, so here’s the story. My friend and I found a house (2 bed 2 bath) for a decently cheap price… We were going to share a bedroom and rent the other out to someone else. We posted in the university housing page and got 3 responses. One of them was willing to pay a somewhat high price for the bedroom for himself (he is willing to pay half the rent). Not really sure why he did this because there were furnished singles in the city closer to campus that were charging how much he was wiling to pay. But my friend and I didn’t care too much, so we said yes to him.
His behaviour though is really really strange. I’m not sure whether he’s just really socially awkward or actually creepy. I see him around campus sometimes and when I say “hi” he looks at me, doesnt smile, doesnt say a word, and keeps walking. There were a few times I saw him walking and he just veered away from his path and went on to avoid me. When I message him on facebook in regards to the housing situation, he seems normal, but I’m really started to get scared that he’s gonna stab me or something (idk…maybe an exaggeration). I kinda want to tell him I dont want to room with him anymore, but we kinda committed to him for a month. He isn’t on the lease yet, so we do have the authority to say no now.
Do you guys think he’s just socially awkward, or does he seem like he’s gonna do something dangerous? I don’t want to tell someone that he can’t room with us simply because he is socially awkward, but at the same time idk how to make sure that he’s not mentally unstable or something…
I’m not sure what you’re getting from him that’s “terrifying”. From what you say, you haven’t actually moved in together yet? So here you are being all friendly and such, and he’s just going about his business because maybe he doesn’t KNOW you yet? He’s communicating you via FB on things that matter to you as a group-the housing. But nothing else, because, well, he’s going to be a ROOMMATE, not your next BFF. Maybe he is avoiding you because you’re coming on way too strong and he just wants a place to live and mind his own business.
Nothing you say seems “terrifying” or even that strange. Just leave him alone. There are other possibilities, of course. He may be “on the spectrum” like my son and his father, and neither of them like being confronted with cheery, chatty people they don’t know well. They are much better communicating via text or email, phone if necessary. But once they get to know someone, they are more comfortable. OR, he may have hearing issues. I am often accused of being stand-offish, unresponsive and so on because I don’t always HEAR people talking to me, or I’m in a setting where I know I won’t be able to manage a conversation, so I go off by myself.
Since you haven’t signed him yet, you’re free to do as you will. But I hardly think he’s choosing to rent with you so he can do something “dangerous”.
It’s possible he has a form of face blindness (a syndrome where you find it difficult to recognize people) and he simply doesn’t know it’s you when you encounter him unexpectedly in a different context
^^This is me. I take the other extreme and try to be smiley as much as possible, knowing that I may be seeing people who know who I am even if I don’t know them. But I could definitely see this reaction coming too.
Have you considered inviting him to meet you and the other roommate somewhere - coffee, library, lunch - to talk apartment specifics in person? That should give you something more concrete. I’ve learned not to ignore skittish feelings I get off others, but couldn’t in good conscience cancel an important agreement based on weird vibes from chance encounters.
Face blindness is real. A good friend has it and doesn’t recognize her own kids if they change their hair or wear sunglasses or hats. She gets worried about these random strangers approaching her when she actually knows them. It can be scary. But WHATEVER this guy’s issue is, I still don’t see what’s “terrifying” about a kid who isn’t all chatty and friendly to someone they barely know.
Yes, face blindness is real. Or he may be on the autism spectrum, which can mean missing social cues (like saying hi when someone else says hi to you, believe it or not). I think you are overreacting.
Or maybe he just isn’t a talkative person? My boyfriend tries to avoid people he knows when he’s walking around because he hates small talk. He is as terrifying as a mouse. I think you are definitely being paranoid.
As someone who is shy, I really hate when people like you assume that just because we’re not communicative, we “have something up our sleeves.” No. The guy is probably just shy, or doesn’t recognize you due to facial blindness. By the way, does he even know what your face looks like? Because if he’s only interacted with you over social media and he doesn’t know what your face looks like (especially if you use an avatar that’s not your face), then that’s why he doesn’t recognize you.
I have a different POV. I think you should trust your instincts. You are not required to give him the benefit of the doubt. Look at this book, The Gift of Fear.
Tell him that you and your roommate decided to keep the apartment for yourselves and each take your own room.
I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, or perhaps allow your roommate to casually “interview” him and see what vibe he gets, and perhaps look into improving your own interpersonal interaction skills.
On the one hand, I think the potential roommate probably is an introvert (which is why he’s willing to pay half the rent for his own peace and quiet space).
On the other hand, the OP has the right to feel good about who he’s living with, and if this potential roommate is going to bother him by not being social the way the OP wants him to be social, better to get out now.
The potential roommate will probably be the better for it, because having to socialize with the OP will probably stress them out (and this isn’t a dig at the OP-it just sounds like they won’t mesh well and both will be better off going their separate ways).
Lesson for the future: always meet, and have a conversation with, prospective roommates before you offer them a place in your home/apartment. There’s no guarantee that the nice, friendly & responsible-seeming interviewee actually proves to be a nice, friendly and responsible roommate. But at least you save yourself some tortuous moments of doubt before he/she moves in!
Just to make things clear… We did meet in person. We had lunch to discuss rooming so he does know me. I know he recognized me cause he stared at my for a couple seconds and kinda gave off an annoyed look of some sort. Seriously… The least people can do is smile. I too am an introvert but I don’t just completely ignore people
You need to read up on face blindness. My daughter’s boyfriend had it – after months of dating, he still recognized her mostly by her clothes and voice. A change of hairstyle was enough for him to not recognize her in padding. Having lunch once wouldn’t be nearly enough if that were the case. Still think you are over reacting to what is likely some kind of disability related behavior.
I sat for an entire class period (50 minutes) with the other three members of a four-person group last semester. Come the following week, one of them wore glasses and I didn’t recognize him to the point of assuming that my group had to be sitting somewhere else. And my issue is probably mild.