The guy in the admissions office I talked to Wednesday said they wouldn’t review son’s file again until Tuesday, but apparently when they did the first review they had him marked to be accepted once they received the missing document. This morning his portal showed him as accepted. So he paid the deposit and reserved his spot at the “last chance” new student enrollment date. The housing portal should open in 24 hours.
Best of all he’s excited. About college and about life. He’s golfed 18 the last 3 days and wants to go with me again tomorrow. That’s probably more than he has done the last 2 years even though he used to enjoy it. He got together with some friends he hasn’t hung out with since he graduated because he was always with her (and she didn’t like them). He talked to his boss about taking a bit more time off work so he can do some things with friends. He pretty much has only been with her and her family since he graduated. A bit with us, a bit with her friend group. But not much, and none with his old friends.
He was going through some depression issues when he started dating the gf, and she probably helped him through it. But even though he said he was happy, I honestly haven’t seen him happy in years. I know she is trying to mend fences, but so far he is resisting. I hope it holds. It will be easier I think on as month when school starts.
Glad to hear it seems to be going so well. As for her trying to mend fences, it’s good that he is going out and enjoying golf, friends etc he couldn’t do with her, it should frame the context better for him, and even more we when he starts the new college year.
He needs to make his own decision about the girlfriend too. Changing schools doesn’t have to mean breaking up. Your opinion of the GF comes through loud and clear. Just be careful not to put your son in the position of needing to hide any resumption of the relationship from you.
You are clearly a caring parent who respects your son. And many young people drink quite a lot. But going for whiskey to ease emotional pain can indeed indicate the potential for a problem. Nothing you can do about it unless it actually becomes one. Defensiveness is understandable. (And mentioning half a bottle probably didn’t help!) This may right itself naturally over time, as it does for many- but be aware.
@dadof4kids Don’t fret over the drinking. There are probably some folks on this board that think their kiddos never do anything wrong or the minute you do take a drink you are going to be in rehab in 2 months. I know my kids and I know what they can handle from a maturity standpoint. I know some kids go off to college and go off the rails with alcohol. If you keep an eye on your kids you can pick up the early signs like bad grades, etc. Let’s face it our kids have had access to alcohol and even more drugs from the minute they walked into HS. Most have tried things and many move on or don’t let it get in the way of their goals.
I would say breaking up with a long-term GF is a decent reason to have a drink. Just like some of us do when we have a tough day at work.
@Lindagaf he already did. Paid his deposit, and just got his housing assignment a few hours ago. The housing is what he wanted, out of the remaining possibilities. He actually knows one of his roommates he was assigned. I don’t know that they have a lot in common, but it is at least somebody he has met. Another of the roommates is Instagram friends with a couple of his IRL friends. So overall about as good as we can ask for at this point.
We head to his old school Thursday to get the stuff he left at an apartment and then we will go to whatever office we need to go to so he can officially withdraw. I have never told him this and never will, but it’s the first time I am actually looking forward to the trip there. I always thought it was a bad fit for him, and it made me a bit sick to my stomach everytime I saw him there.
@dadof4kids. Don’t tell him that… At least now. Tell him how proud you are of him and that you love him. Don’t thinks kids especially son’s hear that enough from their fathers.
Just my 2 cents.
@knowstuff I’ve been telling him I’m proud of him, and I know he has heard it from a couple other adults in his life too. He’s having to make tough decisions that affect his future and the lives of others, which means he is also having to have some uncomfortable conversations. Telling me he was wrong wasn’t easy for him, but probably easier than telling the gf of 3 years that he needed to move on. Welcome to adulthood. Some people take a lot longer than 19 to get there. I know plenty of people my age that aren’t really there yet.
I do need to tell him I love him more though, you are right about that. I do say it occassionally, but neither of us are very touchy feely so I probably don’t say it often enough. Thanks for the reminder, I will work it into conversation tonight!
Wow- so refreshing to see this story with its good outcome. Your son learned a lot with this other school detour/girlfriend and likely will do well with the experience gained.
Update, which is unnecessary but makes me feel good so I’m doing it anyway. ?
Finally got to sign up for classes yesterday. We had received a couple of emails, and then got a couple of verbal warnings yesterday at new student enrollment, that classes were pretty picked over and that the late transfer students coming in were probably not going to get many of the classes they want/need.
He is changing majors, and took some dual credit in high school. Between those two things, almost all of his general education requirements have been met already. And the main intro class into his new major was closed. So we spent hours last weekend putting together a kind of jacked up schedule that wasn’t great but would give him 12 hours that would probably count for something eventually.
His actual advisor was there at new student enrollment yesterday and looked at what we put together. She said that she appreciated the effort and he did have one class on there she hadn’t thought of. She then made a couple phone calls and got him into 3 closed classes for his new major. She also looked at what he was getting credit for from his old University, and made a couple modifications which satisfied 2-3 graduation requirements. Overall she saved him at least a semester and probably a year, since he was going to run into prerequisite problems without those intro classes she got him into. She is now officially my new favorite professor!
Had a rebound with the girlfriend, which I assumed would probably happen at some point since they were together for three years. Fortunately for him, she immediately jumped back into telling him what he was doing wrong and what he needed to do differently. I’m not sure what all was said, but it ended with a stream of profanities pointed at him and him replying just got out of my car. He said I think she thinks that she broke up with me this time, but I don’t care anymore. This just needs to be over. When he came home from seeing her, he went to the refrigerator, and the wall, and removed all of the pictures that had her in them. He didn’t do that the first time. He says this time it’s definitely final. Hoping that’s right!
Great that the school went out of their way to get him in classes. In reality kids drop classes also so getting an extra seat can usually be done.
Closure…on her part. She evidently needed to be the one. Just hope for happiness and success for your son.
You did good DAD!!?
Doesn’t sound at all like therapy is indicated here. Sounds fantastic. That “tangle of emotions” is normal and becoming untangled as days literally go by. The vast majority do not need therapy to get through rough patches even if it is normal, not abnormal, to get therapy.
Regarding the drinking. Yes, a red flag. But- months later is the time to address his coping method. Once he has settled into his school and major there will be plenty of at home times for that talk. Right now he doesn’t need criticism and you have done a great job, dad. Later you can point out how the habit of drinking to deal with stress is detrimental. He is still young as an adult and his brain is still maturing. But- do address it within the next year or so. Once he is happy and successful at his school he will be much more receptive. Plus, he will be able to recognize it.
I understand the written but not submitted posting- and letters (email/paper) written to sons that never reach them. It helps to get it out of our system even if the result is trashed.
PS- those professor advisors at large flagships know the system and are wonderful at offering ways to deal with the computerized registration process. Being big does not mean being impersonal.
Dadof4 – I empathize with you through this all; I’ve been through something very similar to this with one of my 4 kids. here’s the post I made almost 2 years ago. *** and post- note – All is pretty good now, but it was very stressful at the time. I think things will be good for your kid. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/21074529#Comment_21074529#15939.
I would not even frame his original choice as a mistake. He’s not the first, and won’t be the last, young person who needed to make a choice in life whether to prioritise a personal relationship or a career, and he chose to prioritise his relationship at the time, and the reasons to do so felt valid for him at the time, He probably had a hunch that the relationship might not have survived choosing otherwise at that time, either, and he might not have been ready. It might have overshadowed his start at the flagship U, making him feel depressed and angry and like he might have made a big mistake.
Now that that the choice came up again for sophomore year, he chose differently, the reasons are sound and he knows that the other option was doomed to fail on several counts.
He gets a do over with flagship U, and institutions don’t carry grudges. You rarely get a do over with people you have hurt. It’s better to be sure that it wasn’t to be, and now he is.
He’ll be fine. No need for preaching at this point, but no normalising regulating your feelings with substance abuse either - it did come across a little like that. It’s different whether you do it at our age or whether you do it at 19, too. With him feeling so much happier now, it might not ever become an issue, but it should be clear to him that it isn’t a manly thing to do, just a dangerous one.