The Dark Side of Boarding Schools (or at least the stuff they don't volunteer)

<p>On hazing: you whipper snappers don't know how easy you have it.</p>

<p>I went to an all-boys school in the early 70's and some of it could be brutal.
I was mildly guilty of some hazing myself as a senior (which I regret to this day). Atomic situps, dead legging, lots of verbal abuse and some poundings.</p>

<p>At a recent reunionI saw a guy was a senior my sophomore year, and my first instinct was to bolt. When I mentioned this reaction to some of his classmates they laughed and later told him about it. He sought me out, stuck out his hand and offered profuse apologies. Explained that he was an unhappy kid and regretted his reputation. </p>

<p>Anyway, times have changed a lot, for the better. </p>

<p>On theft: I have been extremely unhappy with my daughter's reports on petty theft at her school. 35 years ago we left our doors open (there were no locks) and I never lost a thing nor did I know anyone who did. It just wasn't done, maybe because it would have resulted in immediate expulsion, or maybe there was a sense of honor.</p>

<p>We called it "getting fired".</p>

<p>Anyway, times have changed for the worse too.</p>

<p>
[quote]
We called it "getting fired".

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You had The Donald as your headmaster??? LOL</p>

<p>My D indicates that theft is not generally a problem at her school, although people tend to "borrow" unchained (and most of them are) bicycles when they are in a hurry and leave them elsewhere around campus. The few incidents of petty theft I've heard about are more bullying oriented (kid repeatedly takes things from one specific other kid whom s/he feels superior to) and that it gets straightened out.</p>

<p>aside from that story i posted in the exeter thread i really never heard about much hazing at all. a few teams did some really minor initiation stuff, but it was all pretty good-natured from what i knew. other than that, almost nothing.</p>

<p>The Trumpster is a preppie in his own right -- New York Military Academy.
Which might explain a lot!</p>

<p>IBFTW: Now that you've been here for a little bit, can you see where we're coming from a little more? It's nice to have you join and contribute.</p>

<p>If he doesn't see it just yet, this training video should help him get up to speed:</p>

<p>YouTube</a> - How to post in the Forums</p>

<p>a lot of people won't read a thread like this though. people can make up their own minds, but they should hear about it from all angles. my thread got attention.</p>

<p>There are half as many posts in this thread and twice as many views. Almost half of the posts are people calling you out for trolling; while the other half of those posts were you trying in vain to convince people that you were actually on the level even if you refused to provide any practical advice or useful information. That said, you did come up with some good practical advice in #119 in your "Don't Go To Boarding School" thread.</p>

<p>my thread has only been around for a couple of days. give it time.</p>

<p>Fair enough. It "only" took you to post #119 to get around to giving some good, useful advice, so I guess patience isn't a virtue of mine. The thing is...these alternate views you speak of are in LOTS of threads. I bumped this up as one example. Your thread is mostly about people suspecting that you're being deliberately obtuse and you countering that by being unintentionally obtuse. Why don't you stick around and give practical tips like the one at #119 in the body of other threads...so that you can be of some use here instead of trying to get affirmation that you had no role in determining how your boarding school experience turned out to be crappy? You're still a one-trick pony -- and you'll still come across as a bitter person over time -- but your advice might actually have an impact if you dish it out among many threads. If you think "your thread" is going to have an impact, I'm pretty sure the only impact it will have is people thinking your views are easily dismissed after looking at your numerous ineffectual efforts to spit out the basis for the conclusion that you start with. Try making your case and then spelling out the conclusion. Better still, try helping other people one at a time instead of trying to assert a universal principle and force feed it to everyone.</p>

<p>this is ridiculous. you guys have got to stop fighting. D'yer maker, don;t you have better things to do then constantly tell lbftw that he's a horrible poster? I honestly don't see why your getting so upset about this; the guy's only crime was having a different opinion then yours.</p>

<p>Not sure if this has been posted yet, but i thought it might be an interesting article to read! I know its not a boarding school...but whatever!</p>

<p>The</a> Dartmouth Review: Dartmouth's Worst Feeder School</p>

<p>....enjoy :)</p>

<p>Take a group of 300-600 13-18 year olds and watch them for 24 hours a day for nine months. Don't just watch them from 8 a.m. - 3 p.m. (like most day/public schools) or 3 p.m. - 11 p.m. (like the most vigilant parent might), watch them 24/7 for 180+ days for four years. For those adults on the board, think back to your teen years and, if you didn't attend boarding school, imagine what it would have been like if mom and dad had been around 24/7. Would you have been in trouble more often?</p>

<p>I'm not saying that there's no peace to be had at boarding school. But there is almost always an adult three doors away, your parents' liquor cabinet isn't there to be diluted, and the backseat of a car is a rare thing. I think at bs there may be more observed bad behavior but not necessarily more bad behavior.</p>

<p>I agree with the above post. There may be a lot of ways to get into trouble at boarding school but there are more ways to get into trouble at a public high school or a day school if one really wants to.</p>

<p>bump.........</p>

<p>That is such a mean article on Horrace Mann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>

<p>On #9... An "Incident" happened at Exeter recently... I HEARD ALL OF THIS 2nd HAND FROM A GIRL. </p>

<p>She told me that a 30 year old man came onto campus, screaming that he was going to kill a female(He said a name). He screamed insults about her and was removed from campus. It turns out... A senior girl was having relations with a 30 year old man and this girl actually dropped out from embarassment.</p>

<p>Dude, italianboarder, you don't have the full story, and I wish I could clear it up for you, but I'm not sure that I'm allowed to.</p>

<p>It got to my school and Loomis. lol
My friend goes to Exeter and she told me and my friend from Loomis. Its not as ItalianBoarder put it.....it's just badly given gossip. Its way deeper then that.</p>

<p>I briefly skimmed other responses to this thread and some I agree with, some I disagree with. I can only post about my school Stevenson School (Previously Robert Louis Stevenson) in Pebble Beach, CA.</p>

<p>1) Crime rates on campus. Property crime/violent crime...including victim advocacy and when are perpetrators dealt with in-house and when are police brought in.</p>

<p>Crime IS non-existant (not counting petty theft and drugs, because I will address those issues later). We live in a gated community, and the school itself has security guards that regularly patrol the campus. There are multimillion houses all around us (for example, Charles Schwab, Clint Eastwood, etc) so we are not too big a target.</p>

<p>2) Deaths and incapacitating injuries. Suicides, drownings, and other incidents that lead to a student's death or withdrawal from a BS. How often do they occur; when did the last one occur; what steps are taken to prevent such things from happening? Is there a safety committee, psychologist, etc.?</p>

<p>We have a psychologist on campus, and nurses as well. There have been cases of depression, but the students just took some medication or left the school. The chances of this happening are probably lower than the national average, due to a variety of factors, such as the generally charmed life of the students here, etc.</p>

<p>3) Drugs (including alcohol). How prevalent is drug use among students? How is it dealt with?</p>

<p>Drugs will always be an issue at any school. Students have been known to smoke cigarettes and pot, as well as a small group indulging in harder narcotics such as cocaine or meth. This is WAY less than college, so if you are planning to let your kid go to college, then you really don't need to worry about much. There is absolutely NO peer pressure to do drugs here. Most of the popular kids don't do anything besides maybe some alcohol (there has been only two incidents of alcohol at my two years here). As for statistics? I would say that paradoxically, more day students than boarders abuse substances. This is due to a number of reasons, such as teacher supervision, etc. Among boarders, the number is 12-14% for hard substances (cocaine, meth, etc), and 20-27% for softer substances (pot, cigarettes, alcohol). Those estimates are for regular/semi-regular usage (more than once or twice EVER). Teachers have a "brown bag" day, where boarders' rooms are searched. Teachers are also alert to the possibility of substance abuse. However, most substance abuse happens off campus, either in the city (monterey, CA) or a day student's private residence. Statistics come from people I know who engage in such behavior (pretty accurate, as I only use people in my grade and our school is small enough, I'm sure I got almost all of them).</p>

<p>4) Sex. I can read the handbooks and see the steps taken regarding co-ed interaction, but -- practically speaking -- how prevalent is it, including same-sex encounters? I'm referring to consensual sex here. If it's non consensual it clearly belongs in 1, above.</p>

<p>Condoms are always used. I personally don't have any problem with consensual sex between minors, and there have been no cases of severe peer pressure to engage in sex. However, sex does happen, but once again, this is more common among day students. There simply isn't anywhere private enough for sex, except for the bathrooms (awkward and disgusting, and rarely used) and cars (awkward, semi-public, but the most common place). Don't have any statistics for you, but unless you are very uptight, nothing to worry about. Only consensual sex with condoms. BTW, students will be expelled if in a dorm of the opposite sex.</p>

<p>5) Fire safety. How safe are the dorms? Are they inspected by fire marshals during the school year? Do they have sprinkler systems or are they exempt or grandfathered in?</p>

<p>We had an electrical fire in our President's house. Since we live in a forest, we have a dedicated fire station just for our area, and they arrived very promptly, and the fire did not spread to any houses, though they were in very close proximity. Also, we have a spouse that is a fireman in my dorm, and he often suggests improvements. Rooms are required to have a direct path out, we have alarms that you can pull (we are only 50 year old school), we have fire evacuation plans, we have fire drills, we have fire extinguishers, etc. BTW, since the houses here have an average price of like 1 million, the fire dept is well staffed and very fast. </p>

<p>6) Religion. Do students at BS just take a vacation from weekend worship services with their faith communities or is there some provision made for keeping the students connected in that way?</p>

<p>We have a chapel on campus, which is in fact the only one within the town/gated community and is very beautiful (many, many alumni, faculty, local townspeople get married here). We also have our own minister (our school is secular, but used to be religious, and there is no mandatory church service). I know at least two teachers that fairly regularly offer to take students to the church they go.</p>

<p>7) Health care. How can parents be assured that they're getting up-to-date medical information and to what extent are infirmary visits shielded from me by HIPAA and school rules and policies?</p>

<p>Dunno about the policies, but we have nurses and a psychologist on campus. We also have great local hospitals available to us.</p>

<p>8) Mid-year withdrawals. How frequently do students withdraw from the school during the school year and what are the reasons for those withdrawals?</p>

<p>How often? Maybe three to five people a year, out of a population of about 525. This is often due to either medical reasons or just not fitting in (NOT a problem with the school, but with the student being either very antisocial or something). It is much more likely to be kicked out then leave (though there are strategic withdrawals that students facing expulsion sometimes use to cover up the expulsion on their permanent record). Expulsions are pretty common at my school, mostly for drug related issues.</p>

<p>9) Covered up scandals. I want to know that a BS can deal with its problems directly and address them...as opposed to hiding them, denying them, and otherwise deflecting and obfuscating. I feel more at ease with schools where problems are dealt with transparently...because that tells me that there are solutions in place (or in the pipeline). Schools that hide from negative situations are less likely to be guarding against problems from all of the above situations that concern me. And they make me doubt the completeness of the information I'm getting.</p>

<p>EVERYTIME, there is a "JC" (judiciary committee of students and teachers that decide the fate of the offender), within a week, the Dean of Students makes a presentation in front of the entire school at assembly and tells everyone what happened to clarify rumors (though they are generally very accurate, as students on the JC tell friends). Also, often, probably about half of the time, when more than one or two students are involved, or the issue is of particular severity, the Dean of Students sends an email to all parents about it. However, the school does not like to publicize any scandals in newspapers or the like, obviously. Unless you know someone involved with the school, it is somewhat unlikely that you will be informed of all the happenings, though if you have the patience to search through newspaper archives, you can see for example, a case where our track coach shot his daughter's abusive boyfriend in self defense (the article was how he was a respected and well-liked member of the community).</p>