<p>UVA was my dream school since elementary school. I applied early and was deferred, and assumed that was the end of it. It gave me time to “rally” and apply to other schools I was also interested in. I knew since about 10th grade that getting into UVA OOS was going to be a dice roll. I was completely shocked when I was admitted in the RD round. A lot of my classmates were very happy for me, since they said they had wanted to apply and did not think they could get in (2 more out of 400 did get in, but no one else went besides me), especially once I was deferred. My mom was happy but she did a great job forcing me to have great backups (like a rolling admissions school).</p>
<p>My brother was a diehard Duke fan. He got waitlisted (I have no idea still why he did not apply early) and ended up at Michigan. It’s been great for him, though he does not like the cold and I think he will always wonder what could have been. He always planned to go to grad school so his life course hasn’t changed much from it.</p>
<p>D’s “dream school” for many years was my alma mater. She had every reason to love it: strong academics; great setting; happy, friendly students; the course of study she wanted. I certainly loved going there! However, we insisted that she apply to more than one college. I took her to every one around (and offered to take her anywhere farther), hoping she’d find another school she’d love, or at least could live with, just in case she didn’t get in Dream School. Also, I thought that maybe a smaller school would suit her better – don’t a lot of parents think that? She didn’t find anything she liked (Dream School set the standard), although we did tell her she had to have one safety. After she found a tolerable safety, she said no more looking.</p>
<p>The day she received her Dream School acceptance was one of the happiest days of her life, although she says that things just get better and better. She LOVES everything about her school: classes, dorm, roommate, extracurriculars. It is the perfect fit for her. Dream schools do work out sometimes.</p>
<p>I think the key for parents is not to impose their dream school or alma mater on their children. It’s can be hard, especially if sports loyalties are involved. I bent over backwards trying to get D to look at other schools, talking them up, offering to take her back for second visits, etc. She just became more determined that the only place for her was Dream School, but that was her choice, not mine.</p>
<p>There’s the opposite situation – a student who likes several schools or no school and just can’t make up his/her mind. I’ve known students who waited until the end of April to make a college decision. That was stressful to both them and their families. A couple of these students, who just made a decision because they had to, have now withdrawn from their colleges and don’t know what they want to do next.</p>
<p>My oldest son always dreamed of Ivy or Duke. Got waitlisted or rejected by the schools. Ended up at his safety with a nice National Merit scholarship. He said that his safety is the best thing that ever happened. No debt when he graduates, along with more opportunities than we can count.</p>
<p>I think this thread is a great example of the fact that everyone’s experience is different. In part because the factors can be so very different. One person’s dream school is a real reach while another’s is a likely acceptance or even safety school. Some kids will thrive well in any number of schools even when they don’t get into their dream school. Some kids get into their dream school and are happy. Others go in with unrealistic expectations and aren’t so happy. Some kids get into a reach ‘dream’ school and find they are having to kill themselves just to maintain a low B average, others can achieve straight A’s while barely cracking a book. And some kids are simply happy to be in college no matter where they end up.</p>
<p>When my son was going through the college application process I was quite surprised at the different approaches his classmates took. Some had one school they wanted to get into and knew they could get in and only applied to one other as a safety. Others applied to every top school they could think of as well - their only ‘dream’ was to get into the highest ranking school possible. Others (like my son) wasn’t sure what he wanted and applied to a wide variety of schools from private LACs to several large state universities. Some were looking for athletic or merit scholarships and that drove their school decision. Many simply wanted to be at the university that is 40 minutes down the road. A few have changed schools, a few had a rough time freshman year, most are doing well.</p>
<p>This is why I like CC - there are always a lot of differing experiences and it can be comforting to know that whatever your particular experience is, there’s bound to be someone on this forum who had a similar experience.</p>
<p>In its own way, that can motivate a kid too, especially if the school is a super safety. If they end up going there because they were rejected from the dream school for their grades, ECs, etc, the kid can finally buckle down and go all out for a transfer (maybe even to a new “dream” school).</p>
<p>I have a “dream school”, but I try not to limit myself to JUST that one. I keep in mind that things may not always work out, and that I may have to fall back on my second or third choices. I make sure to send ACT scores to as many different schools as I can, and I learn as much as I can about each school I know what I want, and I know and understand what they do or do not offer.</p>
<p>This applies to me pretty directly, actually. I went to Penn, an Ivy League school many would consider to be their dream school. On paper, there’s a ton to love about it. But I didn’t have the greatest time there, overall. I had valedictorian status, a perfect GPA, a near-perfect SAT, numerous acceptance letters, etc – the works – coming out of high school. But I had lost my father shortly prior, got stuck with a slob roommate, lacked money and had to work all the time, got screwed in financial aid after choosing to attend Penn, lacked a support net, had trouble meeting new friends at first, had relationship troubles, was sometimes too depressed to go to class, grades were far below what I was capable of, etc. College was hard for me, and all for, unfortunately, the wrong reasons.</p>
<p>But the point was that it was all circumstantial and idiosyncratic. It could have happened at any school. Going to a different school probably wouldn’t have changed much at all. There aren’t any guarantees, and this applies universally. Whether it’s a new job or a new location or a new school, you can’t expect that such things will automatically bring you happiness. </p>
<p>One can be miserable in sunny weather but ecstatically happy in the rain – what really matters is whether or not you’re going to be enjoying what you’re doing on a day to day basis.</p>
<p>Lots of good observations. I especially liked Pizzagirl’s and Bclintonk’s observation that it is one thing for a kid to have a dream, and altogether another for a parent to impose a dream. Then the kid thinks they’ve let down their parent if they don’t get in. Our job is to help them have options and support them in adjusting to what happens.</p>
<p>I was also struck by MomLive’s observation about how many different approaches people take in choosing a school. I have seen that with the kids at our high school. Some just want to get into the flagship, some just want to get away from home, some are realistic, some aren’t, some are driven by finances, etc.</p>
<p>Great post-one of the best I have ever read on CC.
My daughter got into her first choice and the reality wasn’t all that great. Labor Day a break up with a 2 1/2 year relationship. Nice start to college and then a roommate who is less that ideal. Roommate is a spoiled child who hates it there and complains to her mother that everyone is so unfriendly at the school. Reality is she is the unfriendly one according to EVERYONE who meets her. So she plans on leaving and I pray every night that she leaves 1/2 way through. My daughter says it is the most awkward situation she has ever been in, living with the most negative person she has ever met. So there is NO comfort zone in my D going back to her dorm room. Just strangers sharing a space.
I had constant texts and phone calls for the first 6 weeks. She seems to be making some new friends now and hanging with old friends too from high school. Finally I can relax and realize that everything is going to be ok, but it was a tough first 6 weeks for me as a parent. Roommate situation will probably not change but that which does not kill you can only make you stronger. Probably help her to deal with difficult coworkers in the future.
So as others have pointed out, it can be less than ideal at your so called dream school so make the most of wherever you end up. Life is going to throw you a bunch of curves along the way.</p>
<p>Yes, and then when the kid doesn’t get into DS (settling for some “lesser” school that 95% of college applicants would kill to get into), then the parent comes to CC and whines about how some unqualified URM got “their kid’s spot.”</p>
I know my kids very well. It´s better I sympathize with them instead of telling something they wouldn´t believe anyway. Maybe that´s why they listen to me, because I don´t give them a lot of bull.</p>
<p>I think there’s a huge difference between getting someone to love a safety versus getting someone to be completely OK with not getting into a top-choice “dream school.” For top applicants, safeties are far from ideal choices, but they apply to them anyway in case the chips don’t fall in their favor (and yes, it can and does happen to a few unlucky students – even here on CC). </p>
<p>That being said, there’s too much emphasis on prestige. It’s a numbers game. There are not going to be enough slots for every top applicant out there, and sometimes you may only be able to get into your third, fourth, or even fifth choice. But you need to be okay with that, and understand that there’s nothing wrong with you if it happens. It’s been said by Ivy League adcoms repeatedly that there are so many qualified candidates that they could take everyone they actually admit, remove them, and re-fill their classes again with equally-qualified candidates.</p>
<p>It’s emotionally risky to invest yourself so heavily in a “dream school,” no matter how strong an applicant you are. You can do well no matter where you go, and there are good arguments as to why a less-selective school can actually be better for you in the long run. Not the end of the world by a long shot!</p>
<p>annasdad - you and I are very different, lets just leave it at that. I really don’t understand where you are coming from at all. I am very happy at the job I am doing. I sigh at some of your “non decisions” you have made for your kids, but you need to live with that, not me.</p>
<p>legendofmax - your Wharton degree will serve you well for many years to come. If you have gone to a lower tier school, based on your personal issues (as you have stated here), your GPA may not have been any better, and I would bet you wouldn’t have the job you have today. I think you got the interviews you did few years back because of where you went to school. Happy to see you are doing well.</p>
<p>A dream school can become a nightmare. D hated her matches and safeties, and had her heart set on Top Private School - and got in. Now she hates it there because she’s surrounded by very wealthy kids, and worse than that, she’s premed and is failing chemistry because this school’s science weeder courses are graded according to a bell curve that ensures that the kids at the bottom of the class fail. She’s at a disadvantage because most of them had AP chemistry, which her HS didn’t offer.</p>
<p>Now she thinks her dreams of medical school are over.</p>
<p>She’s thinking about transferring to another school for spring semester. </p>
<p>It would have been better if she hadn’t gotten in this school.</p>
<p>This thread has been a great read… I’m just thankful that my S got into a great school that he absolutely loves. Transition has been smooth, grades are pretty good so far, and the fit has been perfect. Hopefully S2 will also get into a great school. I’ve gotta admit that the whole college process was much easier for S1. We didn’t think he would get into his top choices because everyone said that they were a crapshoot for all applicants. He ended up hating his top choice after his visit but his second choice he absolutely loves. When he ended his junior year, he didn’t have a dream school but after researching schools he ended up with some dream schools. I think all kids going through the process are going to end up having a few favorites. </p>
<p>Now I hope S2 gets into one of his top schools. He saw what older brother did and how much he loves his school and feels pressure to do the same. I’m sure there are other parents out there who have seen their second child feel pressure to follow in their older sibling’s footsteps. They are one year apart in age and are very close. I just pray that all the hard work pays off. He doesn’t have a “dream school” but does have a few top choice schools that he would like to get in. His stats are almost identical to his older brother’s so I hope his essays are just as effective. Anyway, this has been a good read and I’m so thankful that I found CC last year. It has been such a helpful site and having other parents’ insights has been a tremendous blessing.</p>
I know what I want, and I know and understand what they do or do not offer.</p>