<p>My gosh, I just solved the mystery of UFOs- my essays were printed in every single major newspaper around the world.</p>
<p>except The Daily News, so i sued them for 78 Billion dollars.</p>
<p>not being able to come up with the cash, The Daily News was forced to disappear.</p>
<p>I still recived a wholesome $45 billion dollars, with that money, I started my own political party- the liberlian conservationists.</p>
<p>But no one wanted to join my party.</p>
<p>i cried in misery and after i shed those baleful tears, i called my mama</p>
<p>She told me she would join my party...but I knew she was lying.</p>
<p>she remained a Quaker, despite my pleas</p>
<p>And she convinced me to model for Quaker Oatmeal, for which I was paid one million dollars.</p>
<p>My sexy image appeared everywhere; the consumation of Quaker oatmeal increased by 1,000,000,000%</p>
<p>But only among Koreans; elsewhere it decreased 78%. it was a sad time in my life</p>
<p>Then I met her; the personlification of beauty and intelligence, I fell in love.</p>
<p>Her name was Angelina Jolie</p>
<p>and she rocked my world.</p>
<p>It was december the 24th...</p>
<p>I was driving on the Pacific Coastal Highway in my brand new Benz.</p>
<p>Angelina was in the back, changing.</p>
<p>suddenly I slammed on the brakes and we impacted the Beetle in front of us</p>
<p>It belonged to none other than Brad Pitt, and he said he would forgive me if i gave angelina back to him. I was like "Hell No"</p>
<p>So he flew off crying</p>