<p>I was suddenly offered acceptance to both Havard and Yale.</p>
<p>But I rejected both and went to Princeton instead.</p>
<p>I graduated first in my class and with the highest honors- I majored in poltical science with a minor in history.</p>
<p>I was also a good lier, so I realized I should pursue a career in politics.</p>
<p>But I went into engineering instead!</p>
<p>Having failed math in high school, I struggled.</p>
<p>So I decided on politics; I was to run for governor of NY.</p>
<p>But after a certain amount of scandal involving 2 interns at once, I decided to settle for being commissioner for...</p>
<p>I did not win so i sadly resorted to that Burger King job I had been offered a while back (even though seeing the meat made me puke)</p>
<p>--i'll edit mine out later and go with rainbow kirby's:--</p>
<p>Human Rights. but i did a bad bad job.</p>
<p>So I sadly resorted to that Burger King job I had been offered a while back (even though seeing the meat made me puke).
:)</p>
<p>So I joined PETA, and became a militant vegan, until I was attacked by a giant...</p>
<p>...half-eaten hamburger</p>
<p>I suddenly awoke realizing I had been dreaming. I said to myself "Man, I have to stop...."</p>
<p>...masturbating. I walked over to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.</p>
<p>and saw that my right wrist was 4 times the size of the left...</p>
<p>being a left hander and all, i never realized how quickly my body adapted...</p>
<p>I seeked medical treatment from an Iraqi doctor, but he won't help since I am American.</p>
<p>so i ordered drugs from the internet</p>
<p>But the drugs only enlarged my body, and I became a gaint.</p>