Thesis of essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Below is my thesis."I think yes. Too much enthusiasm can negatively harm a person in big or small way. " Are these two senetnces confusing? Is the thesis good or bad? Thanks

Prompt: Can people have too much enthusiasm?

Enthusiasm has played a big role in the mindset of humans. It has given humans a motivation and can help spur creative thinking. There is no doubt that enthusiasm is beneficial to success. But can one have too much enthusiasm? I think yes. Too much enthusiasm can negatively harm a person in big or small way.

2

Firstly, you’re on the fence here - avoid that!

You can’t say all these good things about enthusiasm then say too much of it is bad.

but to answer your question,

perhaps replace I think yes with “Absolutely”

when you’re trying to persuade someone, you don’t think you’re right. you KNOW you are : D

Also try to replace the last sentence with “Excessive enthusiasm negatively/positively (you pick) affects in a variety of ways”

Those are just my two cents, I could be wrong.

3

Nobody cares what you “think” in a persuasive essay. State your position authoritatively (“Too much enthusiasm can harm you”) and don’t act like you’re answering an essay question (“Yes, it is”).

4

Unless you are telling a personal anecdote(which I wouldn’t advise) avoid “I” also, “I think” just might be the worst word pair in a persuasive essay. Your second sentence is really awkward, something like “Too much enthusiasm can harm people in many ways” would be better. (Notice I took out “negatively” because there’s really no way to positively harm someone)

5

Thanks