<p>I strongly suggest that you use your college's counseling center, which is very used to helping students who are homesick, unhappy, depressed, etc. They also can help you figure out whether transfer is right for you or whether there are things that you can do now to be happier. Although those people work for the college, they are there to support you -- whatever is best for you -- not to try to manipulate you into remaining where you are if that's not what seems best for you.</p>
<p>Get to the counseling center now because as the semester progresses, more students will become stressed with midterms, finals, etc., and it will become harder and harder to get an appointment quickly.</p>
<p>Your going to bed crying and shaking each night indicates that you may be very depressed. What you describe is not a typical reaction to being a college freshman, so the sooner you get help, the better. There also is a chance that you may have something physically going on with you that is causing such emotional upheaval, so it also may be advisable to have a medical exam.</p>
<p>In looking at your back posts, I see that you are black and are on an overwhelmingly white campus in a very white area of the country. This makes your situation even more stressful and difficult. Even more than freshmen who are going to a college where lots of people look like them, you are in a situation in which it's very easy to feel like a complete alien and to have lots of trouble making friends, no matter how gregarious you are.</p>
<p>Do whatever you can to get the quickest appointment possible with whomever is responsible for helping minority students on campus. This may be an assistant dean or a person who is a diversity coordinator. That person probably is in the best position to help you.</p>
<p>When you're calling places like Howard about transferring, make sure you tell them your stats. Also talk to the highest person possible -- such as the dean of admissions, not a clerk. Colleges will bend the rules to let you in, but you have to get to the right person. The bureacracy at HBCUs also is much more difficult to navigate than at mainstream colleges. That's the worst aspect of HBCUs. The upside is that the professors are more nuturing.</p>
<p>If you can go in person to the colleges, that also can help. If your parents can go on your behalf, that helps, too. Mainstream colleges wouldn't be as welcoming of parents' intervention, but HBCUs are different in that they would be happy to see a parent who's that supportive.</p>
<p>Wanna,
PLEASE please please go the counseling center SOON, talk to someone.
You see, silence IS an altered state, metaphorically speaking. You have many reasons to leave, and we understand them. Do not presume counselors at VT will not.
Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Colleges will bend the rules to let you in, but you have to get to the right person.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This is quite true. A daughter of a friend was equally as miserable at an elite private LAC. She contacted the Dean of Admissions at a school where she thought she would be a better fit and transferred (with $$) the very next semester. She went from miserable to very happy, she loves her new school. Begin the process now, and follow Northstarmom's advice.</p>
<p>Wanna, I understand what you are going through, I also went to a predominantly white school in a predominantly white state and very conservative. I never visited till the first day I went to school. From the airport I realized that the place was not for me. It just did not feel right, but the financial aid was too good and the program I was interested in was also too good to give it up. </p>
<p>It took some time, but I finally found a group of friends who had more in commom with me than my friends back home. I am currently thinking of moving back to the state after grad school.</p>
<p>It takes some time to adjust to a different enviroment, I was depressed most of the time. Concentrate on your studies, talk to your profs, and I promise you that you will eventually find your friends. </p>
<p>If you are still not happy transfer to a different school.</p>
<p>I agree with so many of the posters here, get an appt with counseling center as soon as possible. They may not have answers for you but at least you can verbalize your feelings to someone. Right now you don't feel you can talk to friends, parents, or roomate. You need a human connection where you can be honest and at least the counseling center will allow that.</p>
<p>Also, definately go to the diversity office, dean of diversity, whatever. They will be able to point you to groups on your campus that actually are active and who show up for meetings. Maybe get you involved in a community group through their office. I can understand how you may feel reluctant to approach anyone else since your past attempts to get involved haven't been terribly successful but at least give it a try. If you don't want to contact them in person, send an email and not just a "what is there to do?" email. You don't want to go into complete detail but you could briefly expain your attempts at getting involved, your feeling of isolation and ask for an appt to discuss more effective ways of making contact with people and groups where you may feel more comfortable.</p>
<p>thanks Tega, but I do have some friends, but I just don't like it here. Like you said, it just doesn't feel right and it never did and I don't think it ever will. From the conversations I hear/have with people on campus to the grey's anatomy nights to the let's get drunk this weekend, I don't have much in common with anyone here. I don't want to just look back on my college years thinking of how I was depressed all the time because I decided to stay because of financial aid and a good program. I really want to enjoy my college years because I never really had a good school experience besides elementary school, and this is my last chance and I want to make it right. </p>
<p>Northstarmom - I think about going to counceling. I'm just worried they'll try to convince me to stay instead of trying to help me. Also, what do you mean about something physical may be wrong? (I am doing alot of walking on this big campus, and I think it is putting a toll on my body.My body is sore and tired at the end of the day if that's what you mean.) I attend meetings that appeal to minorities but I just leaving feeling worse because ohter students are enjoying there time and when I tell the advisor how I feel, all I hear is, Oh, it will get better...Everyone is just trying to convince me to stay instead of hearing why it is not a good fit which is why I don't like telling people about it. They know this school has problem with retaining black students so I am not sure why they seemed shocked/bothered with me not liking it here.</p>
<p>I'm just worried they'll try to convince me to stay instead of trying to help me. "</p>
<p>I worked at GWU's counseling center, where I got my graduate degree. I know that people at university counseling centers are there to serve the students, not to force the students to stay some place that is a horrible fit for them.</p>
<p>The counseling center's job would be to help you deal with your apparently depression and stress, including making a thoughtful decision about how to address the situation. The counseling center also may know of resources that you're not aware of that could help you feel more comfortable on campus. However, they would not strong arm you to stay.</p>
<p>"Also, what do you mean about something physical may be wrong? "</p>
<p>You sound very depressed -- the nightly crying, shaking, etc. --. What you described seemed far more than the misery that many students experience when they're in an environment that's not a good fit for them.</p>
<p>Depression can be a reaction to problems in one's life. It also can be linked to things like thyroid problems, anemia, etc. If one is depressed due to a physical problem (and starting college can cause some physical problems because of the stress, change in climate, etc.), if the physical problem is addressed, you may find that the location problems that were bothering you don't bother you as much.</p>
<p>Anyway, I suggest that you get a physical just to make sure that nothing else is going on.</p>
<p>Go to the college counseling office as soon as possible! If you just can't do that for some reason, please schedule an appointment with your doctor (schedule now to go while you are home on break). This is really, really important!!! I am not going to advise you to suck it up, or to pretend to your friends. You are an adult now. You are going to have to deal with this. If you are unable to take action, that is a pretty good sign that you are suffering from depression. It is not uncommon for students in college. Please do not let this continue. You need to TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL (counselor or doctor). If I could, I'd come right to your dorm room & drag you there myself ... but since I can't, you HAVE to take action yourself. Keep us posted.</p>
<p>You've been through more than enough. The original responders were correct, I think, in suggesting you try a little longer, but you've done that and now setting the stage for a transfer is in order. Can't hurt to have that option. Please keep us posted and please go to the counseling center!!</p>
<p>I would second everyone's recommendations as to going to the college counseling center as soon as possible. I would also take a look at spring transfer programs. Many colleges accept spring transfers if your application is in by November 1st. They generally require a specified number of credits taken (the few I looked at indicated that 12 credits were required) and I think you would be an attractive candidate for many of them (for example, although I don't know if it would have a major you would be interested in, University of Maryland accepts spring transfers). I think that researching these types of programs would be a positive step you might be able to take.</p>
<p>However, most importantly, please get help as soon as possible. I think that many of us here are quite concerned about you and hope things start looking brighter soon.</p>
<p>Are you hoping that someone will tell you to leave now? Before the end of the first semester? I don't think that's advisable, for many reasons.</p>
<p>In addition to seeking help, I suggest that you turn your focus to something specific and proactive and beneficial to you. Since you aren't finding any clubs that are suitable, and you aren't finding a comfortable social group, you have extra time on your hands. How about:</p>
<ul>
<li>finding a project that you've wanted to do that you haven't had time for before; perhaps learning a craft such as knitting or a skill such as a new computer program or photography</li>
<li>using the school gym; this is a great time to get into good physical condition. It's a well-documented fact that exercise improves mental health. I'm sure there are classes (spinning, yoga, pilates) and a combination of weight training and cardio work would do wonders for you. You don't need to be friends - or even friendly - with the others at the gym. Just do you thing and you'll feel great.</li>
<li>keep a journal about your experience; develop it into an article for publication (teen magazine? CollegeBoard.com? PrincetonReview?) or even into a book</li>
</ul>
<p>In other words, turn the experience around to work for you, instead of against you. Be proactive and rise above the challenge, rather than feel victimized and defeated. At the end of the semester or year, you'll be able to look back on this with pride and a sense of accomplishment. </p>
<p>And it will be a great story to tell for years to come -</p>
<p>Wanna,
Just want to tell you that I am thinking of you today. Make the most of this Saturday!!!
I hope you have talked to someone at the college counseling center.
Please tell us how everything is going. We are with you in heart and mind.</p>
<p>update..i applied to the schools i want to transfer to. just need to get my hs transcripts in. hmmm, halfway done the semester...halfway done being here. I'm already counting down. I have 1 month and 27 days left exactly. parents still don't want me to transfer, which doesn't help. it's just hard. i dont know i'm going to make it. and i can't go home for another 3 weeks!!! I just can't help but think of all the fun my friends and family are having at home or at their colleges. I miss simple things like being able to watch my favorite tv shows (since my roommate and I have nothing in common) and privacy. Just a small rant. lol. But what can i do to make the time go faster and stay motivated to do work? Sometimes I hate waking up each morning thinking of how I have another day here. i hate it.</p>
<p>I'm so sorry its still so hard. Its great you've done the applications to tje schools you want to transfer to. Do you IM your friends at other schools that are happy? Have you talked to them about how unhappy you are? Would they be allies and help you get through each day? Have you talked to your roommate? Have you thought of finding some volunteer work to help you get through another day? Did you make it to the counseling center? Are you getting help there? Just some thoughts. Coming from a mom, missing my son & my two girls. I'm looking to start volunteering. & I'm going to spend Nov. doing nanomo.<br>
take care & keep us updated. Wish there was more we coud do to help you.</p>
<p>I hate to admit this, but I found serving on our local school board so difficult that I had a count-down of days on my appt. book. Go ahead and do this if it helps...it did help me. I felt I was getting closer to a better place.</p>
<p>Don't let this discourage others from serving on a school board. Once our son left the middle school for HS, my heart and soul had moved down the road in another direction.</p>
<p>But back to the OP, I'm 54 and time goes faster at my age than at yours. Take it one hour or even one minute at a time. You'll get through this, but don't try to do it alone. If your parents don't quite understand, that's ok; just keep reaching out to other people (it does sound to me like you have loving parents, but they still might not understand what you're going through because their lives have been different.)</p>
<p>Please keep us posted and get any help you need. I always was big on signing up for free individual or group counseling at my colleges. I figured I might go into that field (and I did), so I should experience it first-hand. I actually learned a lot by doing this. Please keep giving yourself any break you can find. Life can be tough at times; you sound like someone who can get through the rough spots, but we all need help.</p>
<p>Try focusing on each day instead of the longer range 3 week time. You must have school work and classes to keep you somewhat occupied. Are there any school sponsored things you could attend, even if alone, such as movies, panel discussions, concerts? I remember going to these types of events by myself often at college and it wasn't a big deal as other kids come alone. And are there lounges with TVs (maybe in dorm lounges or student union) where kids gather to watch TV? It is likely that other kids are watching programs that you would enjoy too. Just a few ideas. </p>
<p>Finally, about your friends having fun at their colleges. First, they are having down times too, I'm sure, and secondly, you have many years ahead to enjoy college life to the fullest at another school. Don't dwell on what you think you don't have right now. Continue to pursue transferring.</p>
<p>"I miss simple things like being able to watch my favorite tv shows (since my roommate and I have nothing in common) and privacy."</p>
<p>Based on most of your prior posts on this thread, it is probably good that you have decided to move forward with your transfer applications. But, please be realistic in what you will find in the next place you attend. Unless you have a single, and/or are living at home...you still may not be able to watch your favorite TV shows and find the privacy you're looking for. If these are key issues for you...make sure you can find a way for them to exist wherever you end up.</p>
<p>Odyssey- There are lounges with TVs, and everytime I walk by them, people are watching TV shows I have never seen/heard of in my life....so that won't help since I probably won't enjoy it. lol.</p>
<p>2boys-I know, but since I am applying to schools with tons more diversity, I figure I can find someone who likes to watch what I watch! and I don't watch much tv anyways. Plus, I have several friends at each of the colleges (in-state schools) I applied to, so I think I'm good. I don't mind not having a lot of privacy if it's around people I like.</p>