<p>I had a bad feeling about this essay coming out of it because I did not finish but what do you think? What could I have done better? I'm looking to take December and get 10-12. It fills approximately 1.5/2 Pages.</p>
<pre><code>Living in a technologically advanced society in which mistakes and failures are scrutinized and broadcasted, people avoid, even fear, the thought of making any mistakes. This, however, has stifled the progress of the human race tremendously because success comes only from mistakes and failures. In order to encounter success, one must embrace failure with open arms. This notion is evident in a myriad of mediums ranging from history to literature.
Take for example business mongul Rod McQueen, CEO of American Airlines. In the late 1900's, only twenty percent of American had flew on airplane due to the expensive prices of airplane tickets. McQueen, an up and coming entrepreneur who had gained large sums of money in the stock market decided to enter the flying business with fresh new ideas. He started off by analyzing the mistakes of his competitors such as Panam airlines. He realized that their airlines marketed themselves to the wrong audiences (the upper class elite) but also priced their tickets at ludicrous prices. After analyzing his competitors blunders, he fixed them in his own airline by creating the "first airline for the common man". The results were profound: American Airlines profits skyrocketed and became the number one flown airline in the world. By analyzing the mistakes of others and correcting them in ones self, McQueen encountered a profound amount of progress and success.
Another example in which mistakes serve to aid progress can be found in history. When the United States was first created, our founding fathers created the Articles of Confederation. This "constitution" was a complete failure in that it did not provide enough power to the federal government nor allow the government to tax citizens. This failure of course was inevitable as these men had never ventured out to create a "constitution" before. This mistake was correct with the creation of the constitution just a few years later. The founding fathers analyzed the mistakes they had created and fixed them in the new document.
Indeed, by analyzing our mistakes in ourself as well in others, we can make better progress.
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<p>I heard, don’t quote me on this, that for the SAT essay, length matters the most. This is not to say that writing 3 pages with bad grammar, bad spelling, limited ideas will get you high scores. It means that even though what you have in 1 and 1/2 pages (maybe unfinished) might be better than another person’s 3 pages of moderate writing ability, that person would still score higher.</p>
<p>So I would say what accounted for you 8 was mostly because it was unfinished. This is a major score-breaker. No matter what finished your essay! Even if the last paragraphs are not good.</p>
<p>I think you have good ideas so next time, try to balance length, good ideas, and writing ability.</p>
<p>I’d advise you to get to the point. There’s no need to describe Rod McQueen’s actions to such length. Also, really try and stretch your essay to 3 body paragraphs and finish your conclusion - length, as has been said, is very important.</p>
<p>I would have to agree that this is an 8. “we can make better progress” screams 8. That last sentence is definitely important as it is the last thing they will read. </p>
<p>My overall advice would be to use more vocab in a logical and flowing way, fill up the two pages, add a better conclusion, and even with the other mistakes, you should be at a 10 (maybe).</p>
<p>I recieved an eleven on my essay, and it was only one and a half pages long. The important thing is to hold up your argument with completely OBJECTIVE evidence and experiences. My essay was on government. Your essay is fine, but I got lost in your numerous examples. In the end, i was tired of reading it. Length is not important, but content is.</p>
<p>Length is important. An MIT writing director found a high correlation between essay score and essay length. He found that essays can be scored accurately about 90% of the time simply by looking at the essay length.</p>
<p>Your writing seems to be somewhat wordy and jumpy. Just read over the first two sentences. I disagree with the whole length argument, you clearly have enough length. The most important aspect of the essay is to make it flow and to make it concise. I feel that if you can accomplish both of these in the introduction, then it’ll carry over to the rest of the paragraphs. Also try not to tell a story, but rather explain how certain actions have certain results. The background story should take up two sentences maximum. This will leave you space for more paragraphs. The conclusion is also important, but it doesn’t have to be long. I was able to get a 12 using these techniques.
Good luck in December!</p>
<p>cortana431 said: “Length is important. An MIT writing director found a high correlation between essay score and essay length. He found that essays can be scored accurately about 90% of the time simply by looking at the essay length.”</p>
<p>True, but correlation =! causation. One alternate explanation might be that better writers are far more likely to fill two pages than crappy writers.</p>
<p>(although I suspect length does indeed matter–if only because it’s hard to make a reasonable argument and support it with well-developed evidence in under two pages)</p>