To those who feel lonely/homesick/friendless/think they chose the wrong school, etc

What are the biggest contributors of home sickness?

Is their any co-relation between harsh winter and home sickness or its all the same as sunny areas? Same way, is it any better at cities with lots to do vs sleepy suburbs or rural college towns? Does student feel less lonely at smaller colleges or is it better at mega universities? Is it less if home is two hours drive/$30 feul or as bad as it is at a campus 8 flying hours/$400 ticket away. Is it easier if you have 15 classmates going there or if you donā€™t know a single soul? Is it any better if school is affordable and leaving money for return tickets vs if you are barely meeting cost of attendence and have no leftovers for eating out or train ticket to home. Is home sickness lower if you are academically among top 20% or higher if you are at bottom 20%.

If a student is not settling in after using all methods and resources available, when is a good time to tell this is probably not the right place for him to prosper? What are the main reasons students transfer?

Dont asdume there will be a problem. There isnā€™t just one answer to all your questions @CupCakeMuffins . Take away all of the question marks, and most of your questions become answers. Maybe for one kid, being 8 hours away from home is just too much. Maybe for another kid, lack of spending money is an issue. For another kid, a big city is hard to get used to, for another, a rural school seems too small. There can literally be dozens of reasons why any one student feels lonely or upset.

That isnā€™t the point of this post though. The point is that in about a month, we will see many posts which will all have something in common: the student is having a tough time, but itā€™s normal, and they mostly all get through it.

As for your last question, when to call it quits, I guess youā€™ll know when you know.

Iā€™ll remain hopeful that most kids will find their way and if not, they can always transfer. Nothing is more important than their well being.

@CupCakeMuffins I think you pose some interesting questions, but as @Lindagaf says, something that makes one unhappy may make another happy. Still, I think it would make for an interesting and informative research project for some industrious psych major!

I get it that what makes one happy, may not work for next person or vice versa. However, which factors puts some campuses on happy list while others on list for highest number of mental health issues or suicide rate? What are common external factors among unhappy students?

Good question, but again, who knows? External factors could range from anything to financial concerns to family issues. I suggest you post a separate thread, @CupCakeMuffins . This thread is all about understanding that you are not alone. Your questions, while worth considering elsewhere, are derailing this thread.

No problem. Thank you for the reply. I can see your point. Its a very useful and comforting thread.

Iā€™m in the same boat right now except Iā€™m a rising junior. I never thought it would be so hard to find like minded people who I just naturally click with. Hopefully this year wil be better since Iā€™m studying abroad in Spain spring semester which will be such an amazing experience. Right now Iā€™m trying to change my attitude and put myself out there more even if itā€™s difficult at first. I guess I shouldnā€™t take rejection so personally especially since I probably wonā€™t ever see most of these people again after graduation. I was one of those who was misled into believing college is the best time of ones life but hopefully the best is yet to come. Good luck to all!

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If young people could let go of the concept that college is supposed to be the best time of their lives, then they might weather the ups and downs of college relationships better. Seriously, Iā€™d be desperate and a mess if everything after the age of 22 was supposed to be past the best time of my life. There has been a lot of good stuff in my life since the age of 22, and even at 57, I hope more great things to come.

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Thank you, I came back to my home state after being away for two years, and I find myself having trouble making new friends, as of right now I really only have my high school friends, which they are great but Iā€™d like to open my circle more. I posted more about it on my page asking for advice so if you could check it out and give me some tips Iā€™d really appreciate it!

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You just started college 3 weeks ago and feel homesick/depressed.
Your home is new.
Your friends are new.
Your school is new.
Your teachers are new.
Your classes are new.
Your room is new.
Your schedule is new.
Even your food is new.

This is a lot to get used to!

Many students feel this way! This is why colleges have orientationsā€¦to help you get used to these things.

So you went to orientation and were excited! Met people! This seems like fun!

But then the grind of classes has started. and you are feeling homesick. Probably because you donā€™t have mom nudgin you to do your homework, Dad asking how sports/chess/band was, Sis making faces at you, your friends chatting with youā€¦your comfy bed.

But soon your new bed will feel like home, you will have friends to hang out with, and Dad and Mom can ask you about school on your weekly call with them.

Maybe you donā€™t have enough friends yetā€¦if there hasnā€™t been an activity fair yet, look out for itā€¦go find out about different clubs/activities. SIgn up for a few and see which ones you like.

Maybe form a study group with some people in your classes to have some people to do homework with.

Here are other ideas on making friends: Having Trouble Adjusting to College/Making friends? Top 10 things to do (Covid Update, Fall '20)

Sometimes, you have more anxiety/depression than the average student. Your college knows that this will happen, so they have a counseling center. Make an appointment there or get a friend to go with you. They may be able to help you. There may be a group of students in the same boat as you. They may have to refer you to an outside doctor if they feel you have a diagnosable issue such as depression or anxiety.

If any students reading this are afraid of putting themselves out there, please read this post by a new freshman who took some offered advice to heart. You can start at post #20.
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2100675-i-ve-been-in-college-for-more-than-a-month-now-and-haven-t-found-friends.html#latest

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Best thing Iā€™ve read!

Everyone has had really great suggestions, but in my experience the easiest way I connected with people was participating in extracurricular clubs that are time intensive and necessitate collaboration of some sort. Think clubs that organize conferences, for example.

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Wow, how great is this???!!! Itā€™s an update from Emery, the girl who made that wonderful video on page 1 of this thread!
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html

I encourage all students who feel lonely, friendless, homesick and/or who think they chose the wrong school to please read this. You will get through this time, and you are not alone.

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Thanks so much for the encouragement

Really nice post, itā€™s already helping me.

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@Lindagaf, just saw the NYTimes update you posted- that is super! thanks for sharing.

Iā€™m still very much friendless and lonely at Bard College after three years which was partially fueled by a horrendous roommate experience my freshman year, but in 17 days Iā€™m going abroad for a semester to Madrid, Spain. Iā€™m really looking forward to it. Iā€™m the only person from my school whoā€™s going to Spain so thatā€™s gonna be fun. Hopefully people there will be much more open minded.

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It feels like finding like-minded people who I click with and who like me back is almost harder than getting a boyfriend lol.