Too depressed and feeling excluded at my college; what should I do?

Student Lounge College Life
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I’m an international student who just started college this fall (sorry if my English is broken!). The first year of attending a US high school, I did poorly academically; so even though I got almost straight As in the next few years, I still didn’t get a decent cumulative GPA. I also couldn’t afford a car and lived with a host family who refused to provide food and transportation, which means the majority of my extracurriculars are school-related and not that great. I only got into 3 colleges, and the college I attend now was my last choice, but I still decided to give it a chance.

However, I immediately started to hate this college once I entered. The main reason is the people here. People here can trash-talk about you one second ago and pretend to be your best friends in the next second. I’ve spotted one of my friends asking my other friend if she agrees that I’m a… b*tch, and I literally did nothing. They also judge people without any reason, for example, someone was trash talked because he loved to participate in class.

I was forced to live in a triple room, and my roommates were mean too. They used my personal stuff and even trash-talked about me in front of me. When I tried to study in the room, one of my roommates asked me to get out of the room and go to the library. I asked the RAs to switch room, but they weren’t responsive at all.

There is also a huge grade deflation policy with only a few professors to select from, and it’s impossible to get 4.0. I found myself having to stay in the library and work until 2 am every night.

I don’t even have a real friend or even a place to cry, so I cry silently in the bathroom almost every day. I tried to find a therapist, but my parents are divorced, and I don’t want to add more financial burdens to my mom. The psychological counseling service at my school is also too time-consuming, and I don’t have time to schedule 10 sessions at once. I prescribed some depression medicines in my home country, but there are side effects (like memory loss), and I can’t afford to get bad grades. I also tried to tell my mom, but she thinks I’m just pretending to be depressed, and as long as I have good grades, she thinks I’m fine.

Right now I’m planning to transfer out after the spring semester, but am I competitive enough with a 3.93 GPA and a 1500 SAT? I’m afraid my poor high school performance would hold me back, but I’m just too miserable to stay here for another year and wait until then to transfer out. What should I do?

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I also suffer from bulimia (I want to throw up whenever I eat); I don’t know exactly why, but probably because I’m super skinny and I have no time to have a decent meal. The dining hall food at my college is awful, and I don’t want to go to the dining hall without wearing makeup.

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It is going to be difficult to suggest where you can transfer to without knowing where you are and what your budget is. What you are looking for in a school will also be very important if you get to the point of seriously trying to transfer.

A 3.93 college GPA, a good GPA for the last couple of years of high school, plus a 1500 SAT are three strong indicators that suggest that you should be able to transfer to a good university.

One thing that I have to wonder about: Did you arrive at your current school expecting to be unhappy? Did you arrive wishing that you were at a higher ranked school? The fact that you say that this school was your last choice makes me wonder whether you gave people the impression that you didn’t want to be there.

Can you change rooms for the current semester? Do your roommates have a friend that they would like you to switch with?

In life it is a good idea to treat everyone with respect, even if they don’t deserve it. Then try not to care whether they do the same. If people see you treating everyone with respect and holding your head high, then most people (not all) will eventually treat you the same way.

I know very little about bulimia. However, my understanding is that this is a very serious illness and you do need to talk to professionals (doctors and psychologists) about it. You will want to find a way to get past this.

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Thank you! @DadTwoGirls

I’m planning to go to a bigger school where I can probably find some friends and switch my major from business to economics. I’m in the business school right now, but the business school is kinda small, and everyone from my home country knows each other. I didn’t want to be here, but I thought this school wouldn’t be that bad and I could be happier in this lower-ranked college than some more prestigious colleges (turns out it’s even worse than I thought). I go to a top 70 university and plan to apply to some top 30 to 50 ranked schools. I talked to the RAs and had several meetings with them, but they just said the dorm building is full so it’s barely possible to switch room…

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OP - I had a friend in college who almost died from bulimia. Please make going to counseling a priority. Bulimia and depression are not something to try to tackle alone, or self medicate from abroad. Switching schools wont just make that go away.

I’m also concerned that you are focusing on prestigious and ranking when talking about schools. You need to look for good fit, over ranking. IMO, there is no academic difference between a school ranked 70 and 50.

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Thank you! @momofsenior1

To be honest, I don’t really care about the ranking. But the thing is that my parents think I’m a shame because I go to this school. In my home country, it’s also hard to find a good job without going to a top 50 university in the US… and the school I attend now has no reputation in my home country. My dad even lied and told all his friends and family members that I went to a more prestigious college which I was accepted in high school.

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There is a Crisis Text Line with very helpful volunteers. You text HOME to 741741. They will be able to give you some good advice and resources. Please contact them! You need help.

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You have free counseling at your college…take advantage of it. If you have an hour on tuesdays free, just schedule it for that hour for the next ten weeks or whatever.
Also

Where ever you go after this, you need to get that counseling.

Second: Will any other college be different? or will your reaction be different?

Re: studying in the room…when was this? Were you trying to study at 2am? or all the time so they could never talk? or some reasonable time in the afternoon? Her going to the RA could be a reasonable thing to do.

Don’t ask the RA to switch rooms…go to the Housing office and talk to them. Now is a good time.

But if you are depressed …definitely use the Crisis Text Line with very helpful volunteers. You text HOME to 741741.

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@MaineLonghorn Thank you :slight_smile:

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@bopper Thank you :slight_smile:

I got your concern; it was like 10 or 11 pm. Normally if I stay in the dorm to study, I’ll just be staring at the computer screen preparing for any quizzes the next day. When I study in the room during the day, one of my roommates also distracts me by constantly making large noises. Also, whenever my friend comes to the room, she is usually very angry and would slam the door or say dirty words. I hope transferring to a bigger school can help… I hate the school culture here, and being a small school makes it harder to find friends. I was going to schedule a meeting with the boss of my RAs (someone in the housing office I assume?), but it was pushed after the Christmas break. I tried to find some off-campus apartments too… but they all only accept 1-year leash while I might transfer out of this city in one semester.