Transfer Essay?

So I’ve been struggling to write a transfer essay, mainly because what I want to talk about isn’t easy. The prompt, of course, is “Please address your reasons for transferring and the goals you hope to achieve.” My goals haven’t changed, and I intend to talk about how dedicated I am to attaining them, so that’s not too bad. It’s the reasons for transferring that are a bit of an issue.

***–> reasons for transferring I intend to talk about in my essay

***When I was a senior, my mom passed away after an almost two-yr long battle with cancer. Her death devastated my family (just my dad and i, pretty much) and made it very difficult for me to deal with school and college apps (which were in full swing at the time). I got really stressed out, and was an emotional wreck for quite a while. On the advice of some family members (and after some heavy thinking myself), I resolved to try and get my college apps done as soon as possible, and commit to a college ASAP so I wouldn’t suffer as much.

Anyone who’s read my other threads knows I come from Colgate Uni, and there were a number of reasons why I chose the school. They had the EDII program, which let me find out my acceptance very quickly, and the campus was closer to my dad (he would be alone without me and my mom, and i was concerned about him, both for his sake and my own–I wanted to be near him to help and als, primarily, for the emotional support we had for each other). That said, I also was fond of Colgate. It wasn’t my first choice, but after my mom died I stopped caring about first/second/third choice and just wanted a place I could count on for Fall 2017. I admired their academics, especially for my program (English), and figured their rural setting wouldn’t bother me too much.

The thing is, a year has passed. I don’t regret coming to Colgate, as I vividly remember the mental space I was in last year during applications–I was a mess, and having Colgate as a definite really helped me. I also was thankful for being relatively close to my dad (not super close, but closer than my top choices in different states). However, I’ve come to realize Colgate isn’t the place for me. Despite getting involved in numerous clubs and events, I see the social atmosphere isn’t compatible with what I want. I want a work/learn/play atmosphere, and there isn’t much to do at 'Gate. I want to expand my horizons, try and experience new things, and get a taste of life that Colgate, in its rural setting, can’t provide. I feel restless here, and while I did know somewhat of their rural location before coming, I had only visited once, and like I said, thought I could handle it. I was wrong. That’s not to say I don’t like Colgate persay: it’s a good school, just not for me. What I want isn’t available here, and while I appreciate it for certain things I needed, its not a good fit for me, and I see that now.***

My essay focuses largely on this reason for transferring, and how I know that, at another institution, I can thrive with a more active social atmosphere and experience more, getting more out of the college experience than I do now. I felt the need to talk about my mom’s death because it played a significant role in my choosing Colgate. I’m not blaming the situation for my choice, don’t get me wrong; i’m just being honest. Like i said, I liked Colgate before I came, and the fact that, given my circumstances, it proved a little more…“convenient” (for lack of a better word) helped my choice. However, now I realize I’m not happy here, and that I feel confident that I can better pursue my passion (pursuing English w/creative writing) in a university where the social atmosphere is most involved/active (I will mention my need for a work/learn/play environment, which Colgate can’t provide but which I need in order to truly thrive in a college environment. All the schools i’m applying to have the active environment I seek).

So…is this an okay topic? I know death is often something people warn against when it comes to college essays, but so far I’ve seen nothing regarding transfer essays and death. It’s depressing, raw, and personal, but it’s the truth, and it’s honestly a very significant aspect of why I chose my university. It’s also not the whole essay, nor is it a crutch–it’s just an important aspect I feel is necessary to mention in my essay. Is there any particular issue with this?

A disclaimer, just realize that most people on here can only speak to what their opinion is and very few people can actually speak from the experience of an admissions officer (who are all different anyway).

I personally think your topic is fine especially since you state that it is a significant reason that you chose Colgate and is therefore is probably important to tell in your transfer essay. I would just be extra careful that you don’t go into a “sob story” (for lack of a better phrase) about your mom’s death and that it doesn’t overwhelm the wider message of your essay which you seem to realize. The admissions officers don’t necessarily need to know the details; just enough to know how this event affected your decision and how things have changed to the point that you want to transfer.

Again, this is just my opinion. Good luck with the process!