Transferring after a bad first year

Parents Forum
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I was hoping someone here could give me some advice. My daughter attended an in-state school, living away from home, during the 2013-2014 school year. Her first semester was rocky, but she ended up with an A, a B and a D, with a GPA of 2.667. She started out with a bang in the 2nd semester. However, in February, she let me know that she had an eating disorder. I honestly believed she was over- reacting, but I got her to a counselor who sees girls with eating disorders. Around the end of March (I really can’t remember) she told me that her counselor had suggested she seek treatment at an in-patient facility. Honestly, I really didn’t think her condition was bad, and spring break, she had all A’s and B’s. We really aren’t in a financial position to throw 10k out the window on a semester. Since she was doing well in school, we convinced her to stay in school and we would seek in-patient treatment when she got home for the summer. In hindsight, really bad decision. Her grades plummeted. I’m not sure she even kept going to class. Even worse, her health went really downhill. By the time she got home in May, she was a totally different girl than the one I had dropped off at her dorm the August prior. Her grades for the spring semester were 2 F’s, 1 D and 1C. Her cumulative GPA was a 1.556.

She went into an in-patient treatment facility within a week of being home, and was in treatment there, both in-patient and out-patient through September. She is still seeing her counselor. I think she is much better, although I have learned a lot about eating disorders, and people with the illness are very good liars, so I’m not sure if I will ever consider her “cured.”

She is back living at home, much to her dismay. She has a part-time job and has been attending the local community college. She got 2 B’s and 2 A’s last semester (repeating one of her F’s from spring semester and her D from the previous fall semester) She is currently taking a mini-mester class and should probably get an A when it is completed.

She decided that she wanted to transfer to a different in-state school, beginning the Fall of 2015. She sent in her application, and her essay explained her eating disorder and the bad year at the other university. (That was suggested to my by an admission counselor at that school when I called to discuss her options.) Including college courses she took while still in high school, I calculate her GPA being around 2.23. I believe the university had told me in the fall that they required at 2.0 to transfer.

Yesterday, she got a letter saying that she did not meet the criteria for transferring, and to submit her spring grades when available. She is devastated. And frankly, I’m kind of pissed. Even if you don’t look at an eating disorder as an illness, yes, she messed up, but obviously has been doing everything right since then.

I’m trying to help her figure out her options here. She really doesn’t want to be at the community college in the fall.

Does anyone know if we could get away with applying to another school, and just omitting the bad year at the other university? Could we just say she took a gap year?

Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!

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You can’t say she took a gap year when in reality she was enrolled at another school. That is dishonest. And colleges frown on dishonesty, every college requires transfers to provide transcript from ALL previous colleges attended. Your daughter will need to provide those transcripts.

The four year school said to submit her spring grades. Can you contact them and find out if these grades will be used to determine admission for fall 2015 if the grades are satisfactory?

Another option…she would still need to send all transcripts. Is there a four year college to which she could commute for the spring term? Many four year schools will allow a student to take up to a certain number of credits as a non-matriculated student. If she does well, her application to that school should be accepted. She should discuss this with an academic advisor at that school if this option is available.

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You daughter’s life is different and your priorities need to be different as well. GPA’s are not a measure of health or happiness. So first of all, try not to focus so much on grades (read your post and you will see what I mean, I think).

If you had written earlier, I would have told you that it was well worth $10K to get into inpatient treatment as soon as it was needed, and that a delay in that treatment can have effects for many years. Eating disorders are progressive, sometimes rapidly so. That said, I am glad she got into treatment for the summer.

Earlier, I might also have suggested that a medical withdrawal might have resulted in a refund of at least part of that money. And grades can be wiped clean. She could have left at any point before the end of the semester and had her transcript intact, at least at the schools I know about.

Since she stayed at the school for that “bad semester”, did she work with health services/mental health services? Was the school informed she had an eating disorder? (Can you go back and have something done about her record there? I doubt it, since it is after the fact.)

Now that she is in treatment, any time she is in school, she would be eligible to work with disabilities services on accommodations. For instance, does she need a single room? Does academic stress trigger her? Would some leeway in terms of extensions on papers help her? Does she need help with dietary choices?

If a student leaves due to a problem like this, schools usually have requirements the student has to meet in order to return. Did her original school ask for proof of health, or proof of a full-time job for 6 months, that kind of thing, if she wanted to return? For the new school, did you have a professional write a letter documenting recovery?

Your daughter may not be able to pick up the thread of her life exactly as it was before. Recovery happens with one program for some, others get well over a period of years. For the perfectionist personality that is often involved, it is good to know that progress doesn’t have to be perfect, and getting better may happen in fits and starts.

She can build a transcript at community college for another semester, take classes at the new university as a non-matriculated student (as suggested above) to prove herself, and apply for a later semester to matriculate. There are also a lot of adult learner/degree completion program with different formats, on campus, online, low residency, that are quite flexible. Perhaps full-time study is not a good idea yet.

Living at home can be hard. Tell her that 82% of college grads are now living at home. If she is really miserable living at home, are there alternative arrangements that are healthy? Does the eating disorder have any transitional programs?

In the grand scheme of things, it has not been very long since she was very ill. The university’s reluctance may not just be about grades in the “bad semester”, but nervousness about the eating disorder. Most schools send students home with an active eating disorder: they are afraid of liability.

I don’t know anyone with this level of illness, psychiatric or medical, who easily glided back into school let alone transferred, even those with excellent transcripts. There are hoops to go through: internal ones in terms of recapturing health, and external bureaucratic ones at schools.

Be patient with things, with your daughter, with the timeline of her life, and with the reaction of schools to her applications. Things really can work out but it takes some time. Modalities such as meditation, Reiki, yoga, and Tai Chi can help with patience, for you and for your daughter. Good luck.

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She may not be happy about living at home and going to CC, but I sure wouldn’t send my kid off to live on campus again after this experience. I personally would want her to spend a year at home either at CC or commuting to make sure she is really on solid ground with her disorder. Sounds like you didn’t take it seriously enough the first time around – I would not be so quick to send her off again, no matter what she says.

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My son got a retroactive withdrawal after he had an emotional breakdown in his freshman year. We lost a year’s of tuition and he lost the few credits he managed to earn that year – but the upside was an academic clean slate. Something to consider, perhaps?

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I realize that it may seem like I have an emphasis on grades. Really, I don’t. I was just trying to explain that her GPA is now within the new university’s criteria for admission.
In hindsight, yes a medical withdrawal would have been the smart option. But, like I said, we really didn’t understand the scope of the problem at the time, and she was doing well in school at the time. I was hoping to get through the semester and go from there. And I can’t kick myself over it, it is over. I am just trying to help her with options going forward.
Her former school was not really helpful in the least. I was really quite disappointed, especially since they kind of market themselves as a university that is there for the student. She would have been able to continue there in the Fall of 2014, with her academic scholarship intact. However, even though her physician recommended her living at home and going to community college ( and submitted this is writing to the scholarship committee) for the fall, she would lose her scholarship if she attended community college before returning in the spring. The scholarship wasn’t the deciding factor in her not going back there, but I really couldn’t believe they wouldn’t allow her a semester to regroup, before taking her scholarship away. She could still attend this spring, she just lost her academic award.
Thanks for your advice.

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I didn’t even know a retroactive withdrawal was a possibility. Honestly, the I doubt it is at her school. They really weren’t very helpful with all of this. I guess it is worth a call next week. Thanks for the advice!

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Correct me if I’m wrong. Her previous school would not hold her scholarship if she attended community college during the time off. Would they have held the scholarship if she had not taken courses elsewhere?

Not that it’s worth thinking about. Time to move forward.

Is there a four year school within commuting distance where your daughter could take classes as a non-matriculated student? That could be the best option…most schools will allow this for 9-12 credits…and if all goes well, she could matriculate there. Many state directional universities have this option. It is what a lot of non-traditional students do to enter or re-enter college.

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Thanks for you advice.

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Originally, they took away her scholarship, as she did not have the GPA (maybe a 3.0? I can’t remember.) She wrote a letter and appealed, explaining about her not being well and going into treatment right after the spring semester. They gave her back the scholarship at that time.

However, when she didn’t enroll for classes in the fall, they took it away again. She sent an email to the scholarship committee explaining that her physician recommended that she live at home at attend community college in the fall. They responded that she could appeal, but because she attended classes elsewhere in the fall, it would most likely be rescinded. She appealed again, including letters from her physicians, explaining that she intended to attend in the spring, but her doctors suggested it was better for her recovery not to attend in the fall. They chose not to extend the scholarship.

You are right, not worth worrying about. It is a state school, it really wasn’t enough money to make that much of a difference. It was just a nice extra. But it does upset me that a school that says it isn’t “that” kind of school, didn’t go out of its way to help her a little.

Thanks for your advice. I think we are going to sit down tomorrow and try to re-group!

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It would be worthwhile to put some effort into trying to get that retroactive medical withdrawal. One of my kids has a seizure disorder, and when she was unable to do her work her school offered a medical leave that wiped the slate clean but did lose all her credits. Luckily we had tuition refund insurance too, which you might consider if your daughter returns to school.

If the school is not cooperative, keep trying to find the right person to talk with, and maybe even get advice from an attorney. Just a quick conversation, not a big deal. Not sure what the level of communication with the school was at the time but if professionals document what was going on, a lot of schools do offer ways to keep the academic record clean- at least, at the time.

I took a college class a few years ago in which, during the first class, a woman in her late 30’s or early 40’s began to cry, Turns out she had been taking classes for 17 years, while raising 4 kids. The class was her very last and it was an emotional moment for her. There are all kinds of ways to do college and finish.

It takes awhile to get on solid ground with an eating disorder. Harder than giving up alcohol or drugs, which can be avoided: noone can avoid eating. I really feel for you and your family and wish you good luck.

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Hugs to you for dealing with a very difficult situation.

My suggestion- which you are free to ignore since I am a total stranger- let the business of the scholarship go. Just resolve to kiss it goodbye and wipe it from your consciousness. I think it’s become a red herring/thief which is taking up real estate in your brain that you need to support your daughter in her recovery. I think consulting an attorney or continuing to petition or even just letting it bug you that the college wasn’t as empathetic as you needed them to be is a hurdle you need to get past.

Your D is in recovery. That is a miracle. She is past the state of you worrying that she’s going to collapse or go into cardiac arrest because her chemistry is so off. That is a miracle. She is at a stage in her recovery where she is making plans to move forward with her life- and so should you. The scholarship is gone. Your D is not the person she was when she enrolled, and now you are all moving on.

The energy it will take to get your D’s slate wiped clean, get the scholarship appealed, get the withdrawal retroactively changed- OMG. This is energy you could be spending on your family and appreciating what a strong and determined kid you have raised!!!

Find a college in commuting distance which you can afford. Baby steps. Your D doesn’t need to jump back into full time residential life with a full course load so early in her recovery. One step at a time.

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About that retroactive medical withdrawal: it IS possible at many schools – my son’s was from a large state U, though out of state for us – if you can show that a previously un-diagnosed condition contributed to/affected academic performance. That was our case, and that was your daughter’s case as well. I spoke to a dean at our local state U who also confirmed that his school does this fairly regularly.

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@blossom‌ Thanks. We really let the scholarship go months ago. I was just responding to the question about the scholarship. She doesn’t want to attend that school anymore. She wants to move on, new major, fresh start at a new school.

Thanks for the kind words about the ED! I read this coming on a response on the “Transfers” forum, where someone informed me her ED was “dumb.” Still shaking my head the things people say to others when they are anonymous! Thanks again!

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Hugs to you OP. Eating disorders are insidious. They are difficult to understand and it often takes a long time for someone to fully recover. It’s easy to engage in wishful thinking that everything is better and to want to get your child back on track. Compmom offers good advice - be patient, take things slowly, regroup.

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Op,
If she applies to another school, I would NOT mention the eating disorder. If her GPA is above the minimum cutoffs, either don’t provide any additional information, or she can state that she had a medical problem and leave it at that.

I like the retroactive medical withdrawal plan. Hope it works for her.

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Were the criteria that she did not meet based on GPA (possibly for a popular major), or subject requirements? Was this letter an outright rejection, or a letter saying that she may be admitted if the courses and grades for the spring complete whatever missing criteria she has?

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There is a large psychological benefit to the retroactive medical withdrawal for the daughter. I do think it is very important. There is enough shame, unfortunately, to having a disorder like this and having to explain her “bad semester” whenever her transcript needs to be shared, will always be a reminder. Having the transcript cleaned up can truly contribute to that feeling of a fresh start.

When applying to schools, with a clean slate, no explanation is needed and the need to mention the eating disorder or any medical issue at all is gone.

However, once she is admitted, it can be helpful to let the school know, especially the disabilities office, which can make accommodations such as single room (most eating disorder sufferers need qiet and control over their environment),reduced courseload (with no reduction in aid or scholarship), extensions on papers, excused absences for appointments and so on.

It sounds like communication was not good during the “bad semester,” perhaps out of a desire for privacy. However, if your daughter is recovering well, she will benefit from advocating for herself. Professionals will help with this and you can too. Disabilities staff will want to talk only with your daughter but you can research accommodations yourself and write a letter for an MD to sign yourself as well. Write a letter with the diagnosis, state of recovery, and a list of accmmodations and have whoever is in charge of your duaghter’s treatment sign it, and your daughter can give it to the disabilities office and/or dean.

Good advice above. Start slow with school. Academic stress often seems to be a trigger for people with eating disorders. Try to help your daughter have a full, multi-faceted life with things she likes to do, and things that are stress-relievers. Hobbies, crafts, Tai Chi etc.

. Also, helping others is very much part of a cure. Feelings of empathy, whether for children, animals , the elderly or the homeless, seem to counteract unhealthy thoughts. Perhaps she can volunteer somewhere while taking a course or two to start.

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I encourage you to pursue a medical withdrawal for second semester. It will boost her GPA, wipe the slate clean, and she will be able to move forward with her academics without dragging unwanted baggage (and maybe a sense of failure) around for the rest of her academic career.

It sounds like you have legitimate cause for pursuing a medical withdrawal, and even though it make take some effort and hassle with the college, a victory could bring great positives for your family.

Sending hugs and postive thoughts as you work to support your child.

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@ucbalumnus‌
They did say to submit the spring transcript and they would re-evaluate her application and that IF there is room in the fall, she may be admitted.

So, all hope is not lost. I was just hoping to have this all squared away so she could start looking forward.

I am going to try and have her call and set up a meeting with the admissions counselor so that she can see exactly where she stands what what they are expecting from her, in order for them to consider her for the fall.

Thanks!