<p>Is there a Transfer forum on CC? My son is at a small LAC in New England, and he is miserable. I think it's a combo of homesickness, poor fit (he complains that on Fri, Sat nights the dorm is a ghosttown because all freshmen on his floor attend parties where free beer is available (he's in a low-chem dorm, so the kids go to other dorms that are not); the college seems to offer no other alternative for non-drinkers/partiers other than a movie at the school's theater). Also, school is a lot more athletic focused than he thought. He signed up for clubs at the school club fair, and only one contacted him. He has gone to student activity center to find out if he can start a video gaming club.....no, you have to have 4 people to start a club. He's asked a number of students, and no interest. He got a paying job at the library help desk fixing computers, but they only have one person "on" per session, so he is only "meeting" the kids whose computers he is fixing and, often, they just dump and run. He made an appointment at the student counseling office for himself, and has started attending sessions. He seems to be getting more depressed by the minute. (He calls/Skypes us every other day, and I can see the sadness in his face.) He wants to go to a school where academics and spending quality time are a priority, not getting drunk every weekend. Can't say that I blame him, but I just don't know if such a college even exists. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>I know a lot of people recommend small LACs to find a group of intellectuals, but I do think this can be one of the pitfall - if everyone else is the same, you may be odd man out. It does sound like he’s trying, but this school might just be too small for him.</p>
<p>My daughter wanted a small school, but ended up at a smaller flagship (about 11000 undergrads, 2000 grads). Yes, there is big football on Saturdays and many other smaller sports, movies and other entertainment like comedians and speakers every Friday at Union, but I’ve seen many other things on the email notifications - art museum showings, lectures, frat parties, outdoor club weekend events, and lectures by the famous and someday famous.</p>
<p>When he looks for another school, find one that is big enough for him to find his school within a school. </p>
<p>I see posts concerning this issue in the “College Life” subforum.</p>
<p>Sorry your son is having a hard time. It is not uncommon for kids to have trouble finding their people this early in freshman year. For parents, it can be hard to figure out if it truly was a mistake or if it is just going to take more time. Hard to believe there are no other gamers at his school; they may just not have come his way. But it may be that he needs to make an effort to go where the other kids are - even if it is outside his comfort zone. He can go to a party and not drink. Most colleges have tons of fliers up about different activities - besides movie nights. Even reach out to kids in his classes about a study group or a question about homework. But it could be that there are just too few of his kind of kids there to make him happy. </p>
<p>I know one girl who successfully transferred after one semester. She contacted a college she had been accepted to and they were happy to have her come in January. She was from the NE and went to a southern school where she just wasn’t comfortable. Loved her transfer school. </p>
<p>Where else did he get in? Any schools that might be a bit larger and more diverse? What attracted him to this school in the first place?</p>
<p>How is it possible to know if a school’s culture is primarily a drinking school? The more well known party schools are one thing, but I get the impression your son was taken by surprise at what student life is really like. Is there any way to get a feel for this prior to picking a school? I imagine the admissions office isn’t all that upfront about stuff like that!</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the advice. It is hard to know ahead of time if a school has a drinking culture. We tried to get DS to “stay overnight” at some of the colleges, but he wouldn’t. He applied to his college ED (guidance counselors were pushing ED, whether you wanted to or not) and to one other much bigger state university EA and was accepted. From everything I’ve read, it says it is easier to transfer after one year rather than one semester. I guess he could also take a leave of absence from his present college, and figure out what to do over the winter. He had a meeting on Friday night with a club that is called “The Discordians” which is for students who are not into parties and drinking over the weekend. The fact that they have such a club as this might indicate that partying and drinking are the norm on a Friday and Saturday night. Kind of sad. And I don’t like the idea that the name of the group is called “Discordians” meaning odd or opposed to the norm. </p>
<p>A friend’s son had similar issues at a top 50 LAC a couple of years ago. It took months, but he DID eventually find non-partying friends. He is now a junior at the original school and doing fine. I’d encourage your son to keep working at it, and discuss transfer applications over winter break if he still feels like he wants to explore it. Even then, he doesn’t have to transfer just because he is accepted someplace, so he will have most of the year to make a final decision.</p>
<p>Yes, good point intparent. Staying another semester may just be the time he needs to find his people.</p>
<p>I went to a LAC many years ago. It was very comfortable for the first 2 years, classes were small and I knew everyone. By junior year, I wanted to get out, I wished I was at a large U. The school had a big drinking culture, luckily I fit right in. 
The issue with small LAC is if you do not fit in, it is much harder to find like minds, and often it is just a bigger high school. Both of my kids went to a small private school (120 graduating class), so they didn’t want to go to a small LAC. They both went to a school with 13k+ students.</p>
<p>I would encourage your kid to get the best grades possible and start sending out transfer applications. Who knows, maybe by Thanksgiving he’ll love his current school, but he may feel better if he has options.</p>
<p>Yes, there is a Transfer Forum. To find it, go to the main page where all of the forums are listed, and scroll down.</p>
<p>I’d encourage him to see the year out. It’s common for kids to be unhappy the first semester. We’ve known many who wanted to stay home after winter break but found things really turned around second semester. Keep in mind that it’s still early days. What are you talking? 7 or 8 weeks? Many kids are still on the “no parents” high. It does start to wear them down… they get tired and then those 1st semester grades come out. Lots will start to settle down and looking for people who support their need to focus more.</p>
<p>My daughter had a friend who did what you mentioned - she left her first school after the first semester, took second semester freshman year off, then transferred for fall of sophmore year (in her case, it was to a school to which she had been originally accepted but chose not to attend).</p>
<p>I work as a college counselor, and this is really common. I also highly encourage your son to see the year out. Transferring is not an easy solution. It does take time to make friends and meet “your people,” but for most students it does happen. He can begin to look for transfer fits, and start getting the pieces together for transfer applications, most of which are due in the Spring. He should establish a relationship with a professor who can write a recommendation for him. And he should give himself permission to like the college he’s in when all is said and done. If you can help him find things to look forward to (visits with friends, family, home, events etc) in 6-8 week increments, he can probably limp through. There are also counselors that you’re paying for (with your tuition dollars) on campus who can help. Good luck–this can be more painful for the parents than for the student, I think, so hang in there.</p>
<p>Thanks SJTH and others for the advice. Yes, I would prefer to have him finish the year out, but if he is so depressed and disliking the place that his mental health is at stake, then I will tell him to take a leave of absence for next semester, take some online courses at home, and figure out where he wants to transfer to. I didn’t realize that transfer applications were not due until the spring; that gives him some time. So far, he is doing well academically, although his courses are unusually large for a small LAC: 50 or more students. He has one freshman seminar that is limited to 15, but that ends in December.</p>
<p>Since you asked here it is:<br>
Do NOT let him take a LEAVE of ABSENCE!<br>
Right now his focus should be GPA GPA GPA, if he does choose to transfer the GPA is of overriding importance. Even if he stays, a strong GPA wil help him with study abroad and interships. Remind him school is about “the school work” first and formost. To that end, encourage him to explore different places on campus to study (libary, common rooms, outside while the weather holds, etc).
Secondly, encourage him to make an appointment with advisor and freshman dean. Encourge him to be candid. He’s not the only kid with these issues. have him sign the FERPA release so you can call his dean, if need be. Even if you don’t call, knowning that’s he’s not alone in this situation may give him some hope.<br>
Make a time line of things to do: appointement with dean, visit study abroad office (study away at US school, if college offers), visit intership office, make an appointment with concinlg center.
What about campus interested him when applied? Remind him to check out those features. Have him make alist of all thing he want to do at BlankLAC before he transfers.
Suggest that he table all thoughts of transfer until he’s home for winter break.
Go visit him. Get him home for T-Giving. Plan something nice/fun for winter break. Send him stuff. Call him. Text him. Encourge other family members to call and send packages. Listen. Empathize. Support all you can.
When he’s home for break give him the time and resources to complete his transfer apps. Remain neutral.
Make a plan for second semmester (enlist the frist year dean’s /advisor’s cooperation) Some schools will give struggling kids a weekly deans/advisor appointment.
From what I understand the first year party hoop-la calms down after T-giving brea Kids begin to settle in, especially in cold dark snowy NE.
Best of luck!</p>
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<p>A whole different thread topic, but not all colleges make this easy. It was a huge nightmare at my D2’s current school, and I had to push HARD to get them to describe the procedure to follow for her to get a FERPA waiver. Just saying, there is not always a form provided or a process defined, some colleges do not want to make this easy.</p>
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<p>I like these suggestions, too. Not always a fan of going to see you kid when they are having a rough time (if they don’t stay on campus, how will they make friends and settle in?). But if my kid were having as rough a time as the OP’s son, I would do it. Hotel, eat out, even if he is studying in the hotel room some of the time, he might do better with the break. Also, send more than he can eat in the care packages, sharing food is a great way to get to know people better. :)</p>
<p>Okay, I’m an idiot…what the heck is a FERPA? Is it something that my son signs that we can see his records/grades? He already signed that at the beginning, so we can see his records/grades, but I don’t think I can discuss anything with his counselor at the Health Center. He’s told us some of what he has discussed with her, and after 3 meetings, she is already asking him if he is thinking of transferring! Personally, I’m not so sure bringing that up is such a good idea, but, I’m not a counselor either. We email, text, and Skype quite a bit already, so that is good. </p>
<p>Yes, FERPA is about things like grades & records. Not health care info, though. Good that he signed it (good that his school has such a form available!). </p>
<p>FERPA is for grades/bills/business stuff. But it does allow the school to discuss his standing with you. I wouldn’t make any calls unlss your son has run up against walls when trying to effect a change in his situation. Then only call as part of stratagy he develops. </p>
<p>labbydog: so sorry to hear about your son. I’m sure this is very stressful for you. My husband and I went through a very similar situation when our youngest started college 3 years ago. When she came home for Christmas break, she asked me if I thought she could get back into any of the colleges closer to home that had accepted her when she was a high school senior. She did the research on the schools that had accepted her in high school and figured out which one to reapply to. After she returned for the 2nd semester, I actually placed a phone call to one of the counselors at the school and then I encouraged my daughter to go and talk to the counselor which she did. I needed to know that my daughter had made a strong attempt at finding her “group”. I really wasn’t on board with the thought of her transferring because I was afraid she would have an even more difficult time finding her “group”. In the end the transfer to a school only 3 hours from home and well known for its academic strength was the right decision. And interestingly, she made a couple close friends at her first college and is talking about rooming with one of them if they can both land jobs in the same city upon graduation.</p>
<p>I would personally encourage him to stay for the year if you think he can handle it. And on a side note, some schools do a much better job of orientation for transfer students than others. The school my daughter transferred to did 4 days of orientation with the transfers, just like was done with the freshmen. That was important…it gave her people to have dinner with and she even knew a few classmates before classes actually started.</p>