<p>Hey Bruins! I'm starting the transfer process for Fall 2006 and wanted to get an idea regarding how a successful personal statement reads. So if anyone feels comfortable posting their own personal statements here, it would be much appreciated...</p>
<p>Thanks in advance...!</p>
<p>I wasn't a transfer, but here you go(exactly 600 words, but was for some reason counted as 601 on their auto count):</p>
<p>"It was scary walking into the gym my first day of boxing. The heavy black punching bags swayed with the thick heat of the Santa Anas blowing through the two large garage doors on either side. The rough cement floor was covered with bright red and blue mats, smudged with black and a grayish cast from long exposure to dirty feet. A pile of beat-up, flaking gloves and ratty leather focus mitts rested on a three-legged shelf. Jump ropes, the kind one remembers from elementary school, hung from a pin on the wall, their beads cracked yet colorful. An old grey industrial fan sat in the corner, watching forlornly as young boxers sweated their hearts out, unable to do anything to cool them off as it was sadly neglected and unplugged.
I did not know a single soul and I was the only girl in the class. Narrowed eyes and curled lips met my entrance. From that moment on, my presence was not acknowledged if it could be helped. The neighborhood boys didnt take me seriously and rarely paid any attention to me, even while we were sparring partners. Their heads would sway from one boy to another, a longing expression in their eyes and a clear distaste for me on their faces. Their arms were loose holding the focus mitts for me; a finger tap could knock them down. As their friends chatted around us, they would turn from side to side, following the conversations and glaring at me whenever their eyes were forced in my direction. I calmly continued to train, silently and patiently dealing with the unwarranted dislike. One day, however, after a particularly scornful glance upon hearing they were partnered with me, I had had enough. I hit the focus mitt hard and fast. My form was perfect, my aim accurate. My new, shiny black right glove hit the little black dot squarely. His arm flew back and his body jerked away from me. His eyes grew wide, if only for a fraction of a second, as he stared at me, shocked. I looked steadily upon him, meeting his startled gaze with my level own. His eyes quickly recovered, but his formerly dull stare had developed a shaky coldness. He did not look at me again for the rest of the night.
The boys arm hurt for a week, or so my instructor told me; the boy never came back. With a little more time, another hit to another boy every lesson, aching arms resulting, the numbers dwindled. Eventually, I was the only student left in the class. They had not taken me seriously because I was a girl. Instead of bending to their sexism and negligence, I had proven that I was worth more then they had ever suspected and in fact, had surpassed their own expectations for themselves.
Eventually, the class was repopulated with more mature boys. These boys could handle being in a class with a girl, and take instruction from me as I had more experience than they did. These boys treated me as an equal and respected my skills and abilities. My boxing class had become a positive experience, a complete turn-around from when I began. My experience that first month and a half made me realize that I did not have to fit the social standards, and that I could be my own person. This episode in my life demonstrates my determination and perseverance in the face of adversity and challenge. These qualities are only two of many that would make me a valuable addition to the University of California."</p>
<p>I swear, I'm not a scary person. I'm not even 5'2"</p>
<p>Wow that was such a inspiring essay. From all the essays I've read so far, it seems the sucessful ones tell actual stories while the weaker ones make vague generalizations--the I overcame challenges blah blah blah type. Thank you so much! Does anyone else have examples of strong personal statements?</p>
<p>Thanks once again!</p>
<p>No problem, and thank you!</p>
<p>that's a pretty awesome personal statement!</p>
<p>where are you going btw, Littleol'me?</p>
<p>I think she goes to UCLA.</p>
<p>That doesn't even sound real.</p>
<p>so what?</p>
<p>if it's good bs, it works.</p>
<p>I'm not a transfer either, but here's my essay. (598 words) I admit it's a bit corny, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to get in :P</p>
<p>"I first heard of the sport badminton when I was a freshman in high school. When the season started in the spring, my friends persuaded me to join them in tryouts. Having nothing better to do, I agreed. The first day of tryouts shocked me- there were over 120 people trying out, and the coaches said that they would only take forty of the best. Because of my extremely competitive personality, I decided on that day that I would make the team. Unlike most of the other people trying out, I played numerous sports and was physically fit. I endured four weeks of gruesome conditioning. By the time the actual tryouts started, thirty people had quit because of the physical harshness of the conditioning. After another week of tryouts, I was delighted to discover that I had made the 2002 badminton team.
My love for badminton grew; it became my favorite sport, and I tried my best everyday to improve. Disappointed by my performance in my freshman and sophomore years, I decided to work harder. I found a coach, trained daily in the summer and twice a week throughout my junior year. I set myself a goal- to win league finals and advance to the Central Coast Sectionals playoffs. I was scared to play number one singles for my school because most of my opponents had been playing considerably longer than I had. After months of diligent and painstaking training though, I was ready for the season. I won my first game against a very tough opponent, and that was what gave me the confidence that I could truly accomplish this monstrous goal. Battling my way through the season, I defeated all my opponents but one, taking second place in league finals and earning a spot in CCS playoffs. CCS was badminton at a whole new level. Most of the girls had been playing badminton since they were ten, with years of experience over me. Even though I was disadvantaged, I was still determined to win. I fought valiantly in the three day tournament, placing fifth. I was overjoyed; not only had I met my goal, but I had exceeded it by far, as an underdog too.
During my junior year, I was also voted captain among my forty peers. As a varsity team captain, I learned responsibility and discipline while enjoying a leadership experience. I learned that in order for people to listen to and respect me, I had to act as a role model by never missing practice and always trying my best. Through my experience, I discovered that to have a good team, every single player has to be good, not just the important varsity players. I took time out of my training to help the new players train and improve. I learned that a captain does not lead by telling people what to do- she leads by showing people what to do, and they will naturally follow. Now a senior, I am even more determined to lead my team to a victorious season and to win an individual CCS championship. My perseverance and leadership skills, greatly tested throughout my high school years, are definitely things I can contribute to the university I attend. As a freshman, I had never thought of playing badminton. By exposing myself to a new experience, I have found a passion. From this sport, I learned to be more open minded towards unknown activities, with the continuous hopes of discovering something rewarding I might do. With this in mind, I certainly look forward to new challenges and experiences in college."</p>
<p>sofaking, you went to ucla as well?</p>
<p>sofakingwangsta, that statement sounds vaguely like mine (which was partially about badminton). Haha.</p>
<p>yep, I just got accepted to UCLA this year for the fall quarter. :) Neo Yoyo, you go to Mitty, right? I know a guy from your team...</p>
<p>Yeah, we've been through this before. You know a Brian Ko. :P And ya, I did go to Mitty.</p>
<p>great essay sofaking. and congrats on getting into UCLA. =)</p>
<p>I was boxing/kickboxing for three years, locknload. My personal statement is indeed a true story. Those little punks.</p>
<p>And, yes, I go to UCLA.</p>
<p>for transfer students, aren't the requirements getting into UCLA a bit different? im not sure how a successful transfer personal statement looks like, but i think it would be nice if you can write something that shows how you've matured in the two years that you've been in college. im not sure if this helps, haha. i just think that if i were reading a transfer student's essay, i just don't want to see it the same as a incoming freshman personal statement because nonetheless, a transfer student should be an incoming junior :] hope this helps.</p>
<p>Hmmm, I agree with you x3ucla. I'll post my essays sometime soon for the transfers on here...</p>
<p>is this a response to prompt 1 or prompt 2 of the uc personal statement?</p>
<p>BUMP (10char)</p>
<p>bump! Would love to see some updates</p>